Titan Training Group

Take a Mulligan!

2012-01-30T07:24:00.000-05:00

You diligently set your New Year's Resolution(s). It's a new year coming up and you have BIG plans. But... as it seems to happen every year, life gets in the way, the plans seem a little too big, a little too much to plan into your day and you quickly spiral into a feeling of overwhelm. The resolutions get shelved, you feel like a quitter and start wondering if the whole new year will treat you the same. You start looking forward to next January when you feel you will have the opportunity to 'start fresh'!

Sound familiar? I have been hearing some version of the above this week from clients who have found that the month has slipped by without them managing to push their resolutions ahead. Their solution of course is to abandon them entirely. Instead... take a Mulligan and start again. In my world it's called a Do-Over!

What did you learn this month about the goals you set? Were they too large and impractical right out of the gate? Then make them smaller. Smaller steps will lead to successes and move you forward. It might take a little longer but it gets you there just the same. Certainly if your current option is to abandon your goals until 'next year'... all those small steps taken cumulatively over the remaining year will have you significantly further ahead than simply abandoning the goal altogether. Don't under-estimate the motivational power of even small steps forward. As you begin to see progress you might just find bigger steps easier to take. Often just starting is the hardest part. If setting smaller goals up front gets you over the fear of starting something new then build that into the plan!

So. It's a New Month. Begin again. Learn from last month and apply it to this month. Try 'Different'. If this plan isn't working for you then break it down smaller, take a Do-Over and begin again. Don't wait for a New Year, a New Month, or even a New Week!

It's not quitting to start over. But not beginning is.

Improve your Health - To Increase your Success!

2012-01-16T08:52:00.004-05:00

We all know - intellectually at least - the benefits of a balanced diet and exercise to our over-all health and well-being. They serve to: lower the incidence of heart disease, diabetes and strokes, reduce cholesterol, blood pressure and stress, boost the immune system and brain function.

Generally speaking though, this is a business blog. I share information, tips and techniques you can use to aid you in your career journey. What does your health have to do with your success? A great deal, as it turns out. Here are my Top 3 reasons why you should focus on Improving your Health to increase your Success:

1. I've written in this blog before about the benefits of focusing on increasing the energy you bring to your tasks in order to heighten your productivity, as opposed to focusing on strengthening your organizational skills to get more done. (see: Turning Energy into Time, March, 2010). Research is now conclusively demonstrating that the quality of the energy we put into our tasks and activities has a direct correlation to the quality of the output. Want to accomplish more in less time? Forget about managing your time better, manage your energy better! The healthier you are (through effective nutrition and exercise), the higher the quality of energy you bring to your tasks. Tasks don't drag out as long, you don't waste as much time trying to motivate yourself to get started (yep, procrastination has some foundations in energy as well!) and you're able to stick to tasks a little longer.

2. Guess what? You're smarter when you're healthier. No... your IQ doesn't increase, but your mental acuity, your clarity and focus of thought is heightened. In short... you make better decisions when you are rested, healthy and alert. Yes, I know this seems to make common sense, but we don't tend to openly acknowledge that what we put into our bodies, what we do to our bodies, has an impact on the quality of our thoughts and decisions, and we certainly don't hear about it as a strategy for improving our success. A resucent study showed a definitive correlation between good nutrition and cognitive performance finding; nutrient markers in the blood accounted for 17% of the variation in the tests of thinking and memory function, nutrition accounting for 37% of the variation in brain volume. Ever had a hangover? Were you at your most productive, most decisive at that moment? Extreme example perhaps, but it does serve to illustrate what happens to our productivity when our brain is deprived of the nutrients it needs to function efficiently. Even a small deprivation every day can have a cumulative impact on your overall efficiency and effectiveness over the long term.

3. Statistics show that 'fit' people get promoted faster and further than 'fat' people. Now, the definition of each of the terms fit and fat are based simply in the perception of the observer, but those qualifications are made by us all of the time (whether we openly acknowledge it or not). Certainly we speak about this issue in my Executive and Leadership Presence seminars, because it matters. How you look makes a difference to how people perceive you. Studies show that the more overweight you are, the less people trust in your ability to get things done. (note that this is regardless of whether you actually get things done or not). Additionally, people are attracted to positive energy. People rarely are motivated to follow those that can't seem to muster up much enthusiasm for what they're doing. Instead, they seek to follow those who have energy to spare, those who seem like they can not only get the task at hand accomplished, but have the energy to keep going, to continue the drive forward. This helps earn you the 'leader' title and helps get you the promotion.

For those of you that may find your New Year's resolutions to 'lose weight' or to 'get fit' flagging at this point in the New Year - use the above to provide you with more incentive to stay the course and not abandon your efforts. There is more riding on your efforts than you may have first thought... your career just may depend on it!

Who are you rooting for?

2012-01-07T08:05:00.002-05:00

I'm starting this blog post with a quote from the ever-quotable Seth Godin...

We say we want to root for the underdog, but actually, we want to be seen as rooting for whomever everyone else is rooting for

The need to belong, to feel that we are part of something, is a strong influencer over our behaviour. Often, following the crowd is 'easier' then taking the time to think something through fully on our own. We don't have the time (or perhaps the interest) and we therefore go along with everyone else. It's almost a knee-jerk reaction.

Perhaps going along with everyone else stems more out of a desire to:

Avoid confrontation. We know that others will push back if we don't agree and we just don't want the hassle!
Be liked. Let's face it, many of us like to be liked. We care what others think. As a result, we go along with the group in an effort to be seen as someone similar, someone that they will perhaps call a friend.
Not rock the boat. Taking a stand takes energy. We have too much on our plate already, we don't particularly care about the issue at hand, or perhaps we just want to strategically curry favour. In either event, going along with others maintains the status quo, which serves us in the moment.
Not have to think. Yep, sometimes it's just this simple... we let others do our thinking for us.

If we do any of the first three items above - deliberately and strategically - I don't take issue with it. As long as you are consciously making a choice in those responses (that will hopefully net you positive results down the line) then I'm good. Note though, I still expect you to accept the consequences of those choices!

However, if you are simply operating in default mode, going along with others because you don't want to think for yourself... then we need to talk! These are the folks that are less likely to accept any responsibility for their actions. They will place blame on the others around them before they will ever accept that they too engaged in the same behaviour. Letting others think for you will lead you to living someone else's life, supporting someone else's values and beliefs.

Rather, we need to ensure we are clear about what is important to us. By understanding our values and beliefs more fully, we are then able to weigh our decisions and actions against them, choosing those options that work in alignment with our values. Doing so might not always prove to be the easiest choice, or the most popular choice, but in the long run it will almost always prove to be the choice that allows us to feel best about ourselves.

Saying no to you might mean that you don't like me much but... if by saying no to you I am living in alignment with my beliefs and values, what's important to me... then I like me just fine and for me, that's more than enough.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

—Martin Luther King, Jr.

A Time to Reflect...

2012-01-02T07:13:00.002-05:00

This is the time of year when it is nice to take some time to sit down (in my case with a nice steamy hot cup of Chai Latte in hand) and reflect back on the past year and to then look to the one ahead. All too often we fall into the trap of only doing one or the other.

We always look backward. For some... there is the strong tendency to always be looking into the past, at what they have achieved, at how they have lived so far. This is a necessary part of the reflection process, for we need to take time to recognise and celebrate how far we've come, how much we've achieved, but don't make the mistake of getting so mired in the past though that you can't see how much further you can go.
We always look forward. For others... the future holds the biggest allure and they are always looking for 'what's next'! They are constantly pushing and driving toward achieving and doing 'more' with their lives. We certainly want to use our look to the future to inspire us to continue to grow and learn, to discover more of the world and ourselves, but we also want to ensure that we acknowledge all that we have lived through, for our past helps to shape the person we've become.

Both of these elements needs to be considered. First, to reflect back on the past year and to acknowledge and embrace all my achievements, everything that I have experienced and accomplished. For me, this was a busy year, packed with lots of new opportunities and TONS of new learnings. As I have looked to venturing into creating some training programs to offer my clients through the online learning platform, I have had to battle my own technological learning curve. It's been work but it is coming together and I definitely feel good about stepping outside of my comfort zone and taking up the gauntlet of giving it a try. Without trying there is no knowing.

As much as there has been a serious amount of work this past year there have also been times to spend enjoying friends and family, from time spent at the cottage to time spent in Europe, to smaller moments catching up over lattes. An essential part of any life well lived I believe; the balance of experiences, the richness of relationships.

Looking forward I am excited about the possibilities that this year will bring. The new program launches in January and so we will see not only if all the work from the past year pays off, but what other possibilities it opens up moving forward. I've built in a 90 day health challenge and am now consciously committing to my Third degree black belt in TaeKwondo. Travelling, cottaging... all help to shape the way my year will unfold.

Reward backward, motivate forward. Cindy Dachuk

What about you?

How was this past year for you? What did you accomplish and achieve? What special moments did you capture in your heart? Did you take time to fully celebrate each? If not... take the time now to list everything that you accomplished and recognise and reward those achievements. Reinforce the action you took, no matter how small it may seem to others, that helped shape who you are and that took you a step closer to who you will become.

What about this coming year? What plans are you making for steps that move you forward? What are you looking to learn, to experience, to try? What relationships are you committed to starting, developing, growing? What actions are you planning to take to create a fuller, richer, more meaningful life for yourself? Open your mind and heart to your dreams and build a step or two toward them. All journeys begin with a single step... what will yours be?

Remember... you are the difference you want to see in your life, so go out and make a difference... today!

Questions, Questions, Questions

2011-12-27T08:21:00.000-05:00

There is power in questions. Often, the answer we need is driven only by our ability to question, to seek out the answer in the first place. Is our lack of answers then a result of not having asked the right questions or is it more a reflection of not having asked enough?

As children we are full of questions; ongoing, ever-ending questions. There is no thought about whether the question is good or bad, smart or insightful, interesting or thought-provoking, worthwhile or boring. It was simply enough that we didn't know something and wanted to. As we grew though, we started to become more self-conscious about what our questions might say about us to others. We didn't want others to know that we didn't know something, that we didn't understand. We became worried about what others might think of us and we started to filter our questions.

As adults, we ask fewer questions. We try to find more information out on our own than simply asking someone to share their insights and knowledge. Typically because we don't want to look dumb. There's a risk in asking and so, we don't.

Asking fewer questions though means that not only do we often fail to take in all of the information that we want and need, it also means that we tend to lose our questioning skills. We ask fewer questions, often of a poorer quality. We stop refining our questioning skills which results in a drop in the quality of the questions we do ask. The true result? We stop getting quality answers.

The Quality of our Answers is Driven by the Quality of our Questions

The bottom line is this. If you don't have answers in your life... start asking more questions. And I mean MORE! Don't stop. The more questions the better, because at this stage you don't know what the 'right' question is! The more questions you ask, whether of yourself or others, the more answers you will get. The more answers, the more insight and, ultimately, the greater the clarity of your final 'answer', the choice you make.

Choose now to enhance the quality of the choices you make in the upcoming year by asking more and better questions.

“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” — Anthony Robbins

Don't filter your life by filtering your questions. Likely the very questions you are afraid to ask are those that contain the answers that you need. Make this upcoming year one in which you truly embrace the Art of Asking Questions, starting with yourself. If you refuse to ask yourself the tough questions, you might want to start with the following question...

Why? What am I afraid of uncovering/discovering by avoiding asking that?

A good question to use when trying to determine why we're afraid of asking questions! A child's favourite question - Why? Make it yours. Simple, yet effective, it can help you to uncover your barriers, challenge your beliefs, question the seemingly obvious and uncover the non-so-obvious truths. When you feel resistance, your fallback question should always be 'Why'.

Make this upcoming year one in which you embrace the Art and Practice of Questioning. More answers lead to better choices, which lead to greater growth. The life you want starts with a question. Are you ready to ask yours?

The Art of Giving... Up!

2011-12-19T07:48:00.000-05:00

At this time of year, much of our time and attention is taken up with preparing for the holidays; in buying and wrapping that special gift, in donating our time and/or money to support others in need, in spending time with family and friends, gifting them with our attention and love. It is truly a time in which we are focused on giving openly and readily to others.

However, as much as there is often talk and direction offered concerning how to GIVE; how to give bigger, better and more, rarely are we given instruction on the need to develop our skills in Giving Up. In fact, much of the push from society at large, and even well-meaning family and friends, is to strive harder and do more, all in the name of success.

This constant focus and emphasis today on being 'Successful' comes at a cost, one which is rarely expressed. We continue to often unknowingly and unwittingly pay the price for succeeding, without ever questioning whether it is a price we are truly interested in paying. Studies are now showing that even our children are leading overcrowded, over structured and overwhelmed lives, resulting in them losing out on much-needed relaxation time and sleep. This pattern results in a loss of focus, a drop in their productivity and a stronger push and urge for them to 'try harder', all of which serves to strengthen the downward spiral.

We often hear that to be more successful takes willpower. However, our willpower is not unlimited. We do not have an infinite capacity to push and focus. Therefore, as we strive and push in one area of our lives, we might overuse our willpower and lack the willpower that we need in other areas. Therefore, if we are depleting all of our willpower resources in our drive and push to succeed in business, we might find that we lack the willpower we need to say 'no' to that second dessert, or to get out of a toxic relationship.

Now, those that know me will understand that I believe in defining and going after your goals. However, you also know that I believe in balance. There is a price and cost associated with any action that we take in our lives, which is why I always emphasize the concept of 'choice' with my clients. I urge them to ensure that any action they decide to take is one they have chosen, after having recognised and accepted the impact on the availability of other choices.

Perseverance is required for breaking through barriers, for overcoming obstacles. Not everything worthwhile in life comes easily or the first time we strive for it. However, if you have goals that are truly unobtainable, that are causing you undo stress, frustration and angst, that are negatively impacting your health, then it might be time for you to Give Up. Despite the negative stigma that others often attach to 'quitting' or 'giving up', we need to recognise that they serve a very useful purpose.

There are times that we work toward a goal because of what it can do for us in the long run. However, once started on a given path we may find that it doesn't lead us in the direction we wanted, or that it satisfied our need sooner than we thought. We must reserve the right to then readjust, to abandon that goal sooner than anticipated.

Very early in my career I was working in social work. However, I recognised a need and desire to do something other than that. In order to transition into 'business' I decided to pursue an MBA. I wanted my applications to be taken seriously and therefore the MBA appeared to be an option that would get me the recognition I desired. Once hired into a company though, I was faced with the fact that I couldn't continue to do both well. My work travel schedule prevented me from participating in the group activities required by my MBA program, I was not 'learning' the material so much as squeezing in moments to satisfy the requirements of the professors. The dilemma therefore was...

My career was growing but my time and attention on my MBA was suffering.
I could certainly focus more on the MBA to get better grades and more learning from the program, but I would need to slow my career path.

As I really sat down to assess and analyze my options I found that I kept coming back to one key issue. I was having trouble considering quitting the MBA program as a legitimate option... because it meant QUITTING. I was taught you don't quit something you start. If you quit, you were a loser. There were no in-between options. 'Just suck it up and get it done!' was the phrase that kept running through my head.

However, whenever I thought about why I was doing my MBA, what I wanted to get out of it, all I came up with was the fact that I wanted to use it to get 'business' to take me seriously, and help make my transition from social work into the business sphere. In short... the MBA had already done what I needed it to do. I then questioned... if I finished the program, what more would I get from the time, money and effort?

The bottom line... I consciously made the decision to Give Up. I left the program, determining that the additional time would be better spent redirected toward my career and leisure/personal life. Quite honestly, a decision once made that I never regretted. I had seven increasingly responsible roles in the 6 years that I was employed with that company, none of which I would have been able to create had my focus been split. I got married and was able to enjoy my new husband and two wonderful stepchildren.

The biggest lesson of course was in learning to recognise the difference between when to push through a barrier and when to give up on something. This represents a lesson that many of my clients struggle with continuously. When faced with the possible need to Give Up on a Goal of your own, consider using some of the following thoughts and questions to help you clarify your decision.

What exactly is the purpose of the goal you have set?
What have you already achieved in its pursuit and is that enough?
What values of yours does it satisfy?
Are there alternative ways of satisfying those values?
Is this a goal you are pursuing for yourself or for others?
How much stress is the pursuit of this goal causing you?
Is the price of pursuit one you are willing and able to continue to pay?
What is the impact of pursuit on other areas of your life?
What really is the impact of disengaging from the pursuit of the goal?

Use any, or all, of the above to help you assess whether the goal is one that should be continued or set aside. Use the questions to help you make that determination consciously. Studies by Wrosch and his associates found that overall, people who were able to disengage from 'unobtainable' goals were far happier than those who continued to pursue them.

In the end, the decision needs to rest with you as only you can determine the true value and meaning of a goal to you and your life. Just bear in mind that the Art of learning when to Give Up may be the very lesson you need to learn to free your time and focus to achieving want you truly want in life.

Be the Change...

2011-12-12T07:11:00.002-05:00

We're at that time of year when people's minds start to naturally think about the New Year and everything that they hope and wish it will bring them. As we have been taught, everyone tends to dream big. the bigger the better... right? Unfortunately, Big dreams also tend to mean big plans which can often seem overwhelming for many to get started with

This year, I invite you to take those dreams and break them down into much smaller steps. Even one small action can have an overwhelming ripple effect in your life, giving you the impetus and courage to take another. At the end of the day, you are the source of the Change you want to see in your life, your career and your relationships. It all starts with one small step. Don't minimize or denigrate the power of the small... the cumulative effect of a series of small actions can have a tremendously huge impact. On yourself, and on others.

You are the source of the difference you want to see in your life, so go out and do something different... today! Cindy Dachuk

Don't Worry... Be Happy!

2011-12-05T08:46:00.002-05:00

I have clients that are worriers. I have family that are worriers. I have friends that are worriers. I worry about them!

In all seriousness though, worrying is seemingly becoming a very pervasive emotion. Now, perhaps it is more simply a reflection of my coaching profession, but there seems to be an upsurge in the number of worriers that I am encountering. An impact of our economic times? Perhaps. But it does seem that more people are worried about their futures than ever before, in recent times. However, the act of worrying itself does nothing to improve their state but, it can very well have a significant impact on making things worse.

Worrying is like sitting on a rocking horse, it gives you something to do but you don't get anywhere doing it. Tony Robbins

Worrying itself is neither a proactive or effective emotion. Certainly worrying about a problem or situation in no way improves or changes it. However, the effects of worry are much more negatively insidious than may be immediately apparent.

A key implication of worry is that things will not turn out well. Let's face it, we don't worry about things turning out well, just that they might turn out poorly for us. The focus of worrying is all negative. I won't get that promotion... I might lose my job... What if I fail at my task?... I might get hurt... These are all what-if scenarios that lead us to inaction, rather than risking the possibility that they may occur.
The energy of worry is a heavy burden for us to carry. It has a physical impact on us and can prove very debilitating for us over the long term. Just as we know that carrying an extra 100 pounds of excess weight will have a physical impact on our body, causing early wear and tear and strain on our muscles, organs and heart... so too with worry.
Worry is not just physically debilitating but mentally debilitating as well. We create worry loops in our mind that play endlessly, preventing us from engaging in the very thoughts that would lead us to the solution we desire or the action we need to take.
Worry expands. It ripples out beyond us. Even as we worry about ourselves, we also worry about others in our lives that we care for. Although this is done out of love and concern for them, we slowly begin to push that negative energy onto them, forcing them to also begin to carry the worry load. The more they begin to assume and duplicate our burden, the more self-doubt begins to creep into their perspective, thus limiting their growth and potential. Not our intention, surely!

Worrying can be a healthy response to life when it is realistic in its frequency, strength and duration. When it becomes extreme though, it becomes almost addictive. We have all heard of adrenalin junkies, those extreme athletes perhaps that pursue the next big adventure that provides them with that adrenalin high. The truth about worrying though is that it also causes a release of adrenalin into the body, which can prove just as addictive. We now become worry-junkies, constantly finding something new, something more, to worry about, thus getting our adrenalin fix. We might get the immediate reinforcement of that adrenalin, but our worry and fears will keep us from going after what it is we want from our life and leave us with nothing but our worries to show for it.

Instead, we need to take control of our thoughts and redirect them in more positive ways. When we are worrying, we are thinking about the possibility of negative outcomes. We fear the 'what ifs'. This is all thinking about the future though. We are projecting outward the possible negative outcomes of a particular action. Instead, we need to become more fully present in and focused on the present. The more we maintain our focus on today, the less we have to worry about. Every time you find yourself thinking the 'what ifs' or 'yes buts', redirect your thoughts back to the problem at hand and the actions you can take now.

Worry, like fear, is all in the mind. We are afraid of the possibilities that may potentially exist for us and it paralyzes our actions. Instead, consider all possibilities. Nature likes balance... why not you? Every time you find yourself thinking of a negative possibility, balance it with its positive counterpart. Break the negative worry-loop by disrupting the pattern and inserting a potentially positive outcome. Just beginning to recognise that there are outcomes that may prove helpful and beneficial can go a long way to reducing your anxiety.

Show yourself, and others, your support. Say... 'I know I (you) will get through this - what can I do now to support it?' This will prove more helpful to everyone than pointing out every potential pitfall. And... in the end, adopting the attitude of Bobby McFarren (the title of this blog post) or a mantra from Disney's Lion King... Hakuna Matata... couldn't hurt either!

Reasons or Results

2011-11-28T20:51:00.000-05:00

I just spent this past weekend attending a training program and got caught up in the concept referenced in the title of this blog - Reasons or Results. The general principle behind this concept is that, when faced with doing something different, attempting to introduce 'new' or 'more' into your life, you can either have the results you have achieved, or you will have reasons for not having results. But... you won't have both.

I see this all the time in coaching sessions. I will ask a question about a particular course of action we had previously discussed, an action step that the client had determined was critical for them achieving the success they want in their life, and I get reasons as to why they couldn't, didn't and hadn't taken that step. Sure, they all sound reasonable...

lack of time
boss dumped more work on them
felt a bit sick
wasn't sure what they were supposed to do
didn't have the support, resources or knowledge they needed
the dog ate their homework...

You get the picture. Reasons. Reasons as to why they didn't take the promised action. Reasons as to why they didn't move forward. Reasons for not having what they desire most in life. Reasons why they didn't do what they said they were going to do.

The question is not whether the reasons are justified or not. In the minds of each of my clients, their reasons always seem like the best choice at the time. However, often the 'best' choice is simply the most expedient. It's the most comfortable. Making a difference in your life though is about change. That means discomfort. You therefore need to be vigilant when reasons start arising that prevent you from moving forward.

Sure, those reasons may seem valid, but your subconscious mind is a tricky thing. If it sense your hesitation and reluctance to push forward, it is going to do what it can to help you out, including coming up with reasons to stay where you are. The reasons may sound good and solid, but they are still going to prevent you from getting what you want in your life.

Instead, you need to use your conscious mind to maintain control, keeping your eyes firmly fixed on the action that you need and want to take to fulfill your goals. Use your conscious mind to keep a firm reign on your subconscious thoughts. Your 'reasons' are generally the explanation behind why you are not managing to reach your goals. Each time a new 'reason' arises, examine it, determine whether it is critical or not, useful or not, valid or not and then make a conscious determination as to whether it is truly a reason to stop moving forward or merely your subconscious attempt to maintain the status quo.

Ultimately, you want your forward movement to be a conscious choice. you can have reasons why something wasn't achieved, or you can have results, but you will never have both. Your choice as to which you would prefer.

We've Come a Long Way... or have we?

2011-11-22T14:49:00.000-05:00

Check out this latest article in Fast Company, which highlights how pervasive the desire for boy children is around the globe. (http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/161/branding-for-girls-advertising-for-women) Certainly, in second and third world countries the impact is clear: higher abortion rates (now that the fetal sex can be determined early in a pregnancy), sex trafficking, rising incidence of 'missing' female children, the list goes on.

Given the statistics outlined in the article, it's not a big leap to assume that these perspectives infiltrate the workplace, leading women to not only feel devalued but likely BE devalued, all of which operate below the radar of 'political correctness'.

Believe we've come a long way? These statistics would indicate we've still got a long way to go!

Preventative Action

2011-11-21T08:03:00.001-05:00

Why does it always take something negative to happen before we take the action we knew we should have taken days, months or even years before? Case in point. My life, and perhaps more specifically my two businesses, is on my computer. For my training business this means over a decade and a half of programs, files, slides and research. I have had hard drives fail in the past, without adequate back up, and so I have an external hard drive to back things up.

Now, I must admit that I haven't been backing things up as often as I should... I've gotten complacent. I've tended to use the external drive primarily as a means of transporting and transferring data from my PC to my laptop for when I need to work remotely. This past weekend though, I was hit by a trojan virus that appeared to have wiped my PC clean of both programs and files. Not to worry though... I have my backup files on the external hard drive. As luck, in particularly mine when it comes to technology, would have it though, I had decided to finally back up my files and my external hard drive was attached at the time of the virus invasion. You guessed it... those files got wiped out too!

That's it... years of work... gone. It took seconds. Much of it I couldn't re-create without significant time and effort and it would certainly have a major impact on the product launches scheduled for January. With some luck (positive this time!) and the help of a computer genius (previously known as a computer geek but upgraded forever to genius status!) my files were recovered. However, the lesson was learned. Not only was a second external hard drive purchased to ensure that a backup would always exist that was not directly attached to the PC, but a second computer as well.

My original computer was 'older' (okay, maybe hitting the four year mark but in the world of computers it could almost be classified as ancient!!). My lesson: the information on my computer is too valuable for me to risk its loss. I am now doing what I knew I should have all along, but it took the threat of its loss to make me take action. To take THE action: the action I should have taken from the beginning but kept putting off.

Your lesson? Certainly, make sure you are backing up your computer regularly but... there is a bigger life lesson here. What action are you not taking today, that you are putting off, that you know you 'should'... that you must be taking to ensure that you maintain control over your information, your relationships, your career, your life?

The following list is not exhaustive, but it's a good place to start:

Have you got an updated resume?
Do those people that matter in your life know how you feel? When was the last time you said "I love you" to those that you do?
Have you been to the doctor for a check up lately? The dentist? The optometrist?
What about that weight you've been meaning to lose?
How's your car running? Need a check up to ensure you don't get stranded somewhere? Need a roadside assistance membership?

You get the idea. Often we put off the 'maintenance' aspects of our lives with the belief that we 'don't have time', that 'we'll get to it later'. The truth is though, we will be forced at some point in time to have to 'make' time'. When systems break down, when we lose our jobs, we become sick or our car breaks down, we no longer have the option of putting things off. Typically, these moments will occur when we least expect them, when we have even less time to focus on or devote ourselves to them but... we will no longer have the choice of timing.

Learn to manage the timing of these critical moments by taking the preventative action you know you need to, you know you should... NOW. It just might make those moments, if not a thing of the past, much easier to get through.

Now... I think I better go call my doctor for a check up. Hmmm... maybe my mechanic too...

The Art of Allowing

2011-11-14T07:01:00.000-05:00

I was flipping through emails recently when the phrase 'The Art of Allowing' caught my eye. This concept proposes that we allow people, things and events to be as they are... not as we want or wish them to be. In doing so, we free ourselves from the need to 'fix' things to our own predetermined sense of rightness.

Think of how much time and energy we expend in frustration and anger over people not doing as we want, as things not going how we'd like. I see this wasted energy a lot during coaching sessions, where clients vent their frustration over someone close to them not behaving as a 'good' mother, sister, spouse, friend 'should'. This type of thinking of course presupposes that we know the correct way to be, do or act in a given situation.

In practicing the Art of Allowing though, we need to suspend this judgement of people and events. We are asked to recognise that others have the right to choose their own course and that those choices may not always be in support of our desired direction. Not choosing to move in our direction doesn't make them 'wrong', it just makes their path different. As soon as we adopt the view that they are wrong though, we begin putting thought and energy into fixing or changing their choices and direction. We engage our energy and action into 'correcting' their course and certainly get angry, frustrated, disappointed when they don't.

Most of us struggle at coming up with the energy we need to chart and stay our own course, let alone expending energy into plotting everyone else's. The Art of Allowing though, frees us from fixing or changing events. We learn to accept things as they are, not to expend energy wishing them to be different. We fight for the right to make our own choices, to lead our own lives... the Art of Allowing asks us to remember that others have those same rights. Learning to respect those rights is a natural corollary.

In short... I don't need to like or even approve of your choices, but I need to learn to acknowledge your right to make them.

Cultivating a Success Mindset

2011-11-07T08:23:00.000-05:00

According to a study* in the journal Psychological Science, they have found evidence suggesting that those individuals who believe that they can improve their level of intelligence are more likely to be successful over the long run. Hmmm.

In the study, subjects wore a special 'cap that recorded their electrical brain activity while completing certain letter puzzles. These puzzles were specifically designed for participants to make mistakes. What researchers found was that when participants made mistakes, their brain sent two quick signals. The first was a quick recognition of the error (what Michigan State University psychology professor Jason Moser refers to as the 'oh crap response') and a second signal that indicated a willingness to get it right.

Those participants with a growth mindset, a belief that their hard work will pay off for them in the long run, had a much stronger second signal and were more likely and willing to correct their mistakes. They saw a net advantage to doing so. In essence, this group saw their errors as opportunities to grow, improve and learn, rather than an indication of their lack of capability.

It is this belief, that you can continue to learn, grown and improve that serves to establish that Success Mindset. Successful people do not look to their failures and indications of what they can't do, but at learning opportunities. They recognise only that their errors are indications of what they didn't know, but need to learn... and then they go out and learn it!

The Work:

Consider what your typical response is when you fail or miss the mark at something.
What is your self-talk like immediately following such an event. Are you more likely to to use the event to validate why you shouldn't have tried in the first place, or is your self-talk affirming instead a belief that you can do it in future with a little more direction, information or coaching?
If it's the former, we need to work at rewiring your belief systems, to shift your perspective to that Success Mindset. Instead of believing your intellect is entirely predetermined, recognise that you can develop and grow your intelligence through hard work. If you are willing to put in the work, you can decrease your margin of errors in the future.

I read the above study shortly after reading on a facebook posting the following quote. The two fit perfectly together, and I invite you to consider this quote the next time that things don't go according to plan...

Instead f beating yourself up about the past and saying "Damn, what was I thinking", ask a better, kinder question... "What was I learning"?

Works for me, let's see how it works for you!

* study... "Mind Your Errors: Evidence for Neural Mechanism Linking growth Mind-Set to Adaptive Posterror Adjustments"

Marketing ourselves through Comparisons

2011-11-02T07:33:00.000-04:00

Mired as I am right now in completing the upcoming Bragging Rights program, I found Seth Godin's blog post today - Accentuating Differences - to really hit home. All too often, as Seth rightly points out, we attempt to distinguish ourselves through our comparisons of our skills and talents relative to those of others.

"This is just like Brand X, but 5% cheaper, 10% faster, 20% easier to use and it comes in chocolate..."
Seth Godin

Certainly it is worthwhile to be clear about just what the competition brings to the table relative to you, but you will benefit more from highlighting what makes you different and unique, what separates you from the crowd, than by comparisons that serve to make you part of it.

In the end we want our audience to remember us. It is unlikely they will if we only highlight how we are like everyone else. Use your points of commonality to indicate how you have the fundamentals, use your areas of difference to highlight how you bring 'more' to the table than others. This is what will set you apart and get you remembered.

The Lotus Blossom

2011-10-31T08:00:00.006-04:00

No, I am not getting poetic on you, nor am I looking to share with you the benefits of yoga poses. The Lotus Blossom is a Japanese Brainstorming Technique. This was a technique originally developed by Yasuo Matsumura of Clover Management Research in Japan, and described by Michael Michalko, author of Creative Thinkering and Thinkertoys.

Lotus Blossom Diagram

This technique allows you to organize your thinking around specific themes, which allow you to keep your thinking fluid, allowing shifts in your thinking patterns. All too often we attempt to brainstorm in far too linear patterns, not keeping ourselves open to alternative directions of thought. Certainly the benefit of brainstorming in groups is to open yourself to the various possibilities that different minds bring to the table. But when you are working with the benefits of just one mind, your own, how do you ensure that you are not missing potential pathways of thought by not fully exploring all options? Yep... the Lotus Blossom.

Like Bubble Diagrams, you start with a central subject and expand it out into different ideas/themes. In this technique, each of these core themes, representing various petals in the blossom, are expanded themselves to reveal key components or sub themes. This continues to expand outward, in ever widening circles until each has been fully explored. By expanding outward in such a way, you ensure that each theme becomes developed fully enough that all alternative possibilities are clear, allowing you to abandon or accept each.

How to:

1. Write the central problem in the center

2. List the main themes in the surrounding circles (A to H). The optimal number of themes for a diagram that doesn't drive you crazy is between 6 and 8. Consider what your specific objectives are, what the dimensions of the problem are... even... if your subject were a book, what would the chapters headings be?

3. Each of these ideas in turn break out into forming new petals, generating eight new ideas or applications.

4. Continue to expanding outward until no other expansion is possible.

The diagram itself allows you to begin to recognise emerging patterns and relationships between themes. Sometimes, features not previously identified or recognised will emerge, offering new opportunities. This technique can be applied to any area in which you need to generate new ideas, whether for a project, business issue, job search, or personal dilemma. If your current brainstorming techniques seem to have stalled, give this one a try, or check out one of Michael's books for some alternative ways of approaching your problems. It just might be that you just need a new way of approaching your problems to uncover new solutions and answers.

Defence Mechanisms - What ones are you using?

2011-10-24T07:59:00.000-04:00

Defence Mechanisms. We all use them. These are the unconscious protective measures we take to protect ourselves from our anxieties, to avoid confronting our weaknesses. In the short term they typically work to help us to manage the stress,to cope with messages and situations, allowing us to slowly come to terms with our thoughts and experiences. In the long term though, our defence mechanisms may serve as barriers to our own learning and growth, preventing us from coming to terms with our experiences and growing beyond them. Learning to recognise your defence mechanisms of choice can sometimes help you to unmask your barriers and learn to move beyond the initial hurt and anxiety.

According to Anna and Sigmund (Freud that is!), there are 9 key defence mechanisms...

1. Denial. This has to be the most common and generic of the defence mechanisms (and really, have any of us not used this at one time or another?). Denial occurs when we refuse to accept the reality of a fact or experience, we argue against an anxiety provoking stimuli by stating it doesn't exist perhaps that it never even happened. You may see this in people who distance themselves from their bad habits by insisting that they are only social drinkers or smokers, or perhaps someone who denies that their physician is correct in their diagnosis of cancer and continues to seek out other opinions rather than beginning treatment.

2. Repression. This simply means you forget that something bad happened to you. Just as someone may 'forget' sexual abuse from their childhood, due to the trauma and anxiety it caused, repression serves to create a buffer between you and the event. In the short term this may be a necessary method of coping with the pain, but in the longer term it may have an unavoidable impact on the way in which you view yourself or relationships in general if not recognised. Repression may even result in your unconscious 'forgetting' an upcoming event that you dread attending as a means of avoiding it entirely.

3. Regression. In this defence mechanism we tend to revert to a childlike emotional state (a previous stage of development) where your unconscious fears and anxieties generally reappear. In short, you are likely to have a more childlike reaction to the stress you are under; throwing a temper tantrum, refusing to talk when mad, sitting in a corner and crying, running to your room, slamming doors... if you are a parent you know these signs!

4. Displacement. This occurs when you transfer your feelings and take out your impulses on a less threatening target. For example, punching the wall instead of hitting someone, yelling at your spouse or kids because you're mad at your boss.

5. Projection. Instead of recognising and accepting a particular quality in ourselves (which might not be that appealing or comfortable for us) we 'project' it onto others and instead accuse them of having those thoughts and feelings. In essence, whatever we don't 'like' about ourselves we see in others. An example would be when we're losing an argument we accuse the other person of being 'stupid'. Homophobia would be another.

6. Reaction Formation. This is when we mask our true feelings by adopting the exact opposite, because the true feeling causes us anxiety. For example; we lust after someone we feel we shouldn't so they become the target of our hatred; we have a bias against a particular race or culture and so we embrace them to the extreme.

7. Intellectualization. Is the avoidance or neutralization of unacceptable or uncomfortable emotions by focusing on the intellectual aspects. We deal with the logical aspects to avoid feeling or dealing with the pain. For instance, focusing on the details of a funeral, rather than the sadness and grief we feel.

8. Rationalization. This is somewhat similar to intellectualization but it deals more with supplying a logical or rational reason for some negative action we have taken, as opposed to the real reason. Often it is easier to blame others for our behaviour than to face up to what we were feeling, or why we did what we did. Rather than accepting our poor performance as the reason for being fired we create the explanation that the boss never liked us and always had it in for us.

9. Sublimation. This tends to be a much more long term strategy, in which we act out our unacceptable impulses in a socially acceptable way. In this mechanism we transform our conflicted emotions into more productive outlets. Dealing with aggressive impulses by taking up boxing or martial arts would be an example.

Certainly you it would be difficult to read over the list above and not see yourself in some of them. We all need to create some distance between ourselves and our emotions at times. However, we don't want to be at the mercy of these defence mechanisms and have them create such a bugger between us and our experiences that we are unable to learn or grow from them. There can be tremendous growth that comes out of our experiences, but we have to be present to those experiences for that growth to occur. Next time you catch yourself using one of the above, take a moment to ask yourself what emotion you are defending yourself against, and what you can learn from it. The point is not to wallow in the emotion but to discover the life lesson it contains. Embracing the lesson is all about moving forward toward something better. And really... who would want anything less for themselves?

Living on Auto-Pilot

2011-10-17T07:53:00.003-04:00

We are all creatures of habit. Our habits are time and energy savers and, in general, serve us well. We can engage in activities throughout our day, expending little conscious thought in accomplishing these tasks. Our unconscious, habitual autopilot takes over for us and we are able to think of other things while performing these tasks.

• In the shower, we tend to wash ourselves in the same way, same order of body parts, every time

• We dress by putting our pants on the same way, same leg first

• Ever drive on autopilot, coming back to yourself just as your exit comes up? (or...worse still...just as you pass your exit?)

Much of our everyday lives have been condensed into habitual rituals that save us from having to be consciously aware of each moment needed to complete them. This frees our mind to be present for, and focusing on, different things. The downside, of course, is that we can get locked on autopilot for various activities and we then fail to question the 'why' of the behaviours we engage in. We therefore fail to learn or to grow by attempting to do differently.

In organizations we see this all of the time, processes that are running not because they are efficient but because they reflect 'the way it's always been done'. It is only when someone new enters the picture and challenges the status quo that we begin to question these processes ourselves and search for improvements.
How many of these opportunities do we miss for ourselves, those potential moments of possible growth and improvement simply because we live too much of our lives on auto-pilot? Sometimes the biggest thing holding us back from taking a chance on something is our belief that 'it's not the way things work', or that 'it's not how things are done'. Perhaps it is time for us to challenge some of those assumptions by telling ourselves instead... 'that's how it was but it isn't necessarily how it has to be'.

This point came home to me this weekend when I went to see the movie 'Moneyball' with Brad Pitt. In this true life story, he plays the Oakland A's General Manager Billy Beane, who is legendary for having rethought (and revamped) the way that baseball players are selected. He faced tremendous criticism (perhaps most notably from baseball scouts) who were all quick to tell him that it 'wasn't how it's done'.

Tim Ferriss, in his best selling book The Four Hour Workweek also gained notoriety for completely shifting the assumptions we had about the way we view and structure 'work'. Tim constantly explores and challenges 'the rules', looking for ways to reorganise, restructure or flat out work around the way things have been done to get more done, in less time.

Take a lesson from Billy Beane or Time Ferriss...open yourself periodically to switching things up a little, trying a new way of doing something. You just might find a better path, a new interest, develop a skill or just streamline a process. Maybe instead of not doing something differently because you’ve always done it a certain way, your new reason for doing different is simply BECAUSE you have always done it a certain way.

The Art of Mastery

2011-10-10T06:36:00.001-04:00

What does it take to achieve true mastery, whether in a skill, a subject or an activity? The answer seemingly is straightforward and simple...practice. What is not so simple perhaps is the amount of practice required. Malcolm Gladwell, in his book The Outliers, speaks about the 10,000 hour rule. Studies from various disciplines show consistently that 10,000 hours of practice are required to achieve the level of mastery needed to be considered a world-class expert in anything. 10,000 hours.

In fact, no one has yet been able to document a case of someone whose mastery was achieved in anything less than that. Practice is therefore the key to becoming truly excellent at anything requiring:

Clarity of intention
Dedication of effort
Focus of mind
Commitment to achievement

What then for those of us that are only beginning our journey into mastery? Do we feel weighed down by the seeming impossibility of ever achieving that magical number of 10,000 hours and give up before beginning? I believe this question should be answered with a clear and resounding NO!

“ The Master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his education and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence in whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he is always doing both. -- Zen Buddhist Text

The important catch-phrase in the 10,000 hour rule, that most seem to miss, is that it is a requirement for achieving 'world-class' mastery. Your goal of personal mastery can be something less than world dominance in a field. In fact, you need only look to your field and strategically plan for 20%, perhaps 10%, better than those around you to be considered an expert. Let's face it, even doing 1% better, knowing 1% more, achieving 1% greater results can often be enough to put you ahead of the game being played by those around you.

Regardless of your target though, mastery both begins and ends with practice. You have to put in the time to net the results and it is this time that separates the achievers from the non-achievers. Those that are truly dedicated to gaining a level of mastery over a subject, a discipline, an activity, will invest the time needed to learn and develop an area.

I heard an alarming statistic this weekend. The average American tends to spend 4 hours a day watching television. This is 4 hours a day that they are not working on or practicing their mastery of anything. 4 hours a day that they choose not to dedicate toward becoming excellent at something. To take this statistic even further, consider that if you take someone in their teens, through to the age of 66, those four hours a day turn into 13 years. 13 years of your life that you have devoted yourself to watching television rather than devoting yourself to your development.

A further thought...the biggest reason I am given by clients as to why they have not taken action on a desired goal is that they did not have time. My follow up question of course is whether they had watched any television in that same week in which they had not found any time to work on their stated purpose. (and yes, YouTube counts!) The answer of course was that they had. Could you have responded differently?

I'm not suggesting that you run home and sell your television sets, but I am suggesting that you take a serious and long look at where and how you could be investing your time to develop your level of expertise. The fastest way to a promotion and increased career opportunities is to become better at what you do, to develop your level of mastery. Even small investments of time can accumulate big results.

For instance...

1/2 hour per day spent in study and practice would give you a total of 78 hours of study over the course of a year. Given an 8 hour workday, this represents the equivalent of just under 10 business days of focus and growth.

Would you not be significantly ahead of your competition at the end of a year in which you set aside just 30 minutes a day to practice, hone and refine your craft, to dedicate to extending your level and area of expertise? The answer seems pretty clear to me.

Your choice then...Master or Disciple? How you choose to spend your time will contribute greatly to the answer to this question not to mention what you achieve and experience in your life.

Run Your Own Race

2011-10-03T07:54:00.002-04:00

Last weekend had the half marathon for our area starting from the park across the road from my home. Seeing those runners brought back to mind my experiences in running marathons and, in particular, the life lessons I learned along the way.

The goal of most first-time racers is typically just to finish! They may have a rough goal of the time they would like to complete the race within but, if being honest, most really just want to cross that finish line. They have likely invested in their training schedule; worked on their pacing and stride; learned about what will fuel them throughout the race. Often the most overlooked element though is an understanding of how quickly and easily they can get caught up in the hype and the moment of the race and end up running someone else's race.
That starting gun goes off, the crowd surges forward and they get caught up in the energy and excitement of everyone else around them. Before you know it, they are starting off too fast, running at a pace that quickly leaves them exhausted and, ultimately, without enough energy left to finish. One of the biggest causes of not finishing is getting caught up in running a race other than your own.
I was lucky enough, before my first marathon, to have someone emphasize to me the need to know and understand your race intimately. To know the feel, rhythm and beat of your stride so that you don’t get pulled off of it by others around you. This takes requires you to build that element into your training plan, to gain the clarity you need about yourself to be able to focus and stick to it on race day.
I don’t run marathons anymore but I do still apply the lessons of the race every day. In our work and personal lives, we can become easily distracted by the noise of those around us. There is never any shortage of people that are willing and eager to tell us what we ‘must’ do, what we ‘should’ do. I’m not saying don’t listen, but it is necessary to weigh these suggestions against your own plan. If it fits and it helps… keep it. If it pulls you off course… ditch it. Unless there is a definite strategic reason for doing otherwise, stay the course and run your own race.
Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the feeling of ‘momentum’. Momentum alone can be deceptive. You are busy, you are accomplishing things, but it they aren’t activities that move you forward in the direction you’ve set for yourself then, when it’s all over, you just might find that you’ve crossed the finish line of a race you never intended to run and ended up somewhere you never really wanted to go.
• Decide consciously what race you want and choose to run.

• Do what you need to prepare and train yourself for that race.

• Take action to move you forward. If you’re running a race of your choosing, any action that moves you forward, even small steps, gets you closer to that finish line.
Remember this also. Your race is run by you. There is no first, second or third place… there is just finishing. There is you and that finish line.

Clarity of purpose, Focus of Intent… now… GO!

Multitasking - Friend or Foe?

2011-09-26T07:08:00.000-04:00

Given the workplace of today, we are all guilty of trying to get too much done each day. We over pack our schedules in an effort to 'keep up' and we use technology as a tool to help us keep track of if not complete, multiple tasks simultaneously. Who hasn't been guilty of reading an email or text message from one person while speaking to another? When accused of not listening or paying attention we confidently assure them we are, that we are simply multitasking and can pay equal attention to both activities simultaneously.

Our ability to multitask successfully is much lauded and sought after during recruitment. However, as it turns out, there is a very narrow window of activities that allow us to truly multitask. In fact, two key conditions must be met for us to multitask, to truly engage in two separate activities simultaneously...

one of the activities must be so ingrained, so well learned, that it is now automatic and habitual. This means that there is no conscious thought required for you to engage in the task (think walking or eating here)
that the activities you are looking to engage in use completely different types of brain processing. For example, you can read and listen to instrumental music because they involve different parts of the brain. However, your comprehension and retention of information you're reading drops significantly if you read while listening to music with lyrics. As soon as the lyrics are added you are asking the same part of the brain (language center) to attend to two different sources of information simultaneously... and it can't.

As soon as our multiple activities stimulate and require the same brain area or function, we are no longer Multitasking, but 'Serial' Tasking. Our brain continually shifts from one task to the other, in very rapid succession. As much as this might seem like a significant difference, research is now showing us that there is a high price to be paid in productivity for Serial Tasking. It seems that, despite how it feels, our brains are not able to shift smoothly and seamlessly from one task to another. There is a lag time in which our brains detach from the current task and attach to the new task. If we are constantly shifting from one to another, this can add a significant amount of time (up to 40%) on completion time, versus single tasking.

in studies testing multitasking capabilities, those who rated themselves as chronic multitaskers actually made more mistakes, cold remember fewer items and took longer to complete single-focused tasks than those who rated themselves as infrequent multitaskers.
other studies have definitively shown that children perform worse on their homework if it done while watching TV (thank god my mother never saw this but then, my children didn't appreciate the fact I had!)
and again, research shows that employees are more productive when they don't check their email frequently

I know that when I have a new program that I am writing, I will pack up cases of my research notes, a million and one sticky notes, flipcharts and markers and head to the cottage for a couple of weeks. Minimizing my distractions and immersing myself in the subject truly allows me to gain greater clarity, finish faster and develop a far superior product than had I stayed back at the office fielding calls and interruptions.

I know that this isn't an option available at all times though, so what are we to do when life seems to scream at us to multitask all of the time?

recognise that life is rarely asking us to multitask. Instead, it is simply coming at us with simultaneous demands. Rarely do our task have to be accomplished simultaneously, they simply have to be done by the same time. Staging our activities in a priority order truly helps us in single tasking more efficiently. Maintaining our focus on one activity, for a set period of time, can help us accomplish it faster. At the end of the day we just need our list completed. How we have managed that is less important.
although we can't pick up and head to the cottage to work every day, we can block out moments in our day that help us to really focus and concentrate on an important task. Close the office door or move to a meeting room, shut off the phone, the blackberry, turn off the message received notification on your computer. In order words... minimize all potential interruptions and distractions.
consider making some changes on an ongoing basis that do the same. Turn your desk so that you do not face directly out of the door. This prevents you from seeing movement going past your door that draws the eye and breaks focus. Turn off the message receipt sound to your email and only answer it at scheduled points during your day. (same with other devices!)
when focusing on a task schedule a set amount of time during your day for working on it. Just the fact that you know you have 30 minutes set aside for a task allows you to feel comfortable spending the time needed on it, rather than feeling guilty about the time it takes. This helps you to relax into the activity and not have part of your brain focused on how long it is taking and reminding you of everything else waiting for you.

When we have so many things, and people, screaming for our attention throughout the day, we may find that the key lies not in learning to multitask better, but in simply learning to focus on one thing at a time better! Breaking away from the myth of multitasking may prove to be the biggest productivity booster that you have implemented yet!

Picture your Performance

2011-09-19T07:42:00.001-04:00

We experience thousands of influence attempts a day, whether via sound (conversations with friends, family, coworkers; advertisements on radio, TV, Internet; sirens as we're driving; etc) or through visual means (television and TV, billboards and posters, magazines, friends, family, coworkers, etc.). Regardless of the source, we are bombarded with messages and attempts to move and sway us in one direction versus another. Why can't we then jump on the influence bandwagon and work to influence ourselves in a desired direction?

It sounds like a logical idea and yet, few people deliberately and strategically structure their environment to influence their thinking and behaviour in a specific direction. If we look at your work environment in particular (but know that the same would apply for any space that you occupy with any regularity), you likely would be interested in increasing your productivity. Research shows that surrounding yourself with pictures and memorabilia of people you admire and respect has a positive influence on your productivity and performance.

In basic terms, the brain doesn't know the difference between the picture and reality. Therefore, looking at pictures that are motivating, that represent a specific and positive message, influences who you are and what you do. You need to be very clear about who and what inspires you though. Consider... what will ALWAYS drive and push you forward.

Just as we know that certain colours work to soothe and comfort, while others increase our feeling of stress and anxiety, so too do we now know that pictures can create certain responses in us as well. Bear in mind too that these images are highly personal. What works for the guy sitting next to you may be and feel totally irrelevant to you. The more open and honest you are with recognising what people and things inspire you, motivate you, drive you, the greater the influence of those images.

One caveat though. There should be NO family pictures in your work space. Nope... none! Pictures of your family - especially your children - drive different behaviours that are often at odds with those that enhance your performance. I know that I will likely get push back from many who feel that they 'do it all for their kids'... but research shows us that looking at pictures of our kids may lead us to temper our performance drive rather than rev it up.

It's up to you to decide what you're trying to accomplish, whether on the job or life in general!

The Joy of Learning

2011-09-11T09:40:00.003-04:00

I am writing this blog post, early in the morning, with my iPad and I both huddled under the covers while my roommate sleeps on. I feel a little like a kid at camp must, who has been told that it's lights out and who, instead, huddles with friends under the blankets with a flashlight, telling ghost stories.

Why am I not taking advantage of the time away from the day-to-day household noise, enjoying the lovely hotel bed that I won't have to make, sleeping in for a change? Because I am away attending an amazing conference and I am too excited about what I am learning. I can't wait to get home and start applying it. I can't wait for the day to get started so I can get into the conference room and learn more. My mind seems overloaded with new thoughts, ideas and concepts. And yet...it miraculously opens up to new thoughts, making room in a space that had previously seemed full to bursting.

Although I do feel a sense of overwhelm and do experience questions in my mind concerning what I am going to do with all of this new information, I am far too excited and jazzed about everything to allow anything to break my buzz.

Here's my question to you. When was the last time you felt like this? When was the last time you allowed yourself to be a student and opened yourself to learning something new? And not just something new...something that got you excited, ideas that you could feel physically, with an almost butterflies in the stomach kind of wonder?

This is how we felt as children when we were learning. We experienced the wonder of new ideas. We let them sink in and connect with other things we had learned until we then asked questions to increase our understanding and strengthen those links. And not just one or two questions, we asked QUESTIONS! We weren't concerned with what other people thought about the quality of our questions, we were solely focused on our own understanding. We wanted to know, we wanted to understand and, perhaps most importantly, we wanted to learn more.

As I prepare to head out to experience my final day of this conference, I invite you all to crawl out from under your covers with me and open yourself to new ideas and thoughts today. Adopt the learning model and pose of a child. Look at the new idea with wonder, not skepticism; with joy, not reluctance; with excitement, not dread.

This is my new motto, and I invite you all to explore and perhaps even adopt THIS new idea... To learn as a child. You might just be surprised to rediscover the pure pleasure of learning.

Why Keeping Your Eyes on the Prize May Make You Miss It!

2011-09-05T07:41:00.002-04:00

We are all taught that we not only need to have goals, but that we need to remain clearly focused on them. There is research that would indicate though that our ability to focus and concentrate intensely on a task may blind us to everything else going on around us, thus limiting the quality of our end result. We have all experienced this phenomena in some respect...

When asked at work how many yellow Volkswagen beetles we passed on our way in, we reply none. We assume that we didn't see any because there were none to see. We're surprised driving home because we see seven.
Police Officers take down the eye-witness accounts of an accident that occurred directly in front of three different witnesses, each of which report different facts.
We are talking to a colleague at work about a need we have for a special project we are struggling with when another colleague approaches and comments on the new haircut of the first. We hadn't noticed until it was mentioned by the second person.

In a study of this phenomena, known as Attention Blindness, researchers showed an entire audience a video tape of six people passing a basketball. The audience was tasked with counting the number of passes that occur between the three people wearing white t-shirts, not black. The intent of course is to get the audience focused on the task of counting. Most people in the audience count correctly and are pleased with having done so. Imagine their surprise when asked if they had noticed the gorilla walk onto the screen, walk amongst the tossers, and walk off. Few see it until the replay when, to their astonishment, there is a large gorilla clearly walking amongst the group of six. This is the result of attention blindness.

Typically, those amongst the audience that notice the gorilla were those that did not get the number of passes correct. They either hadn't bothered to try, got distracted by some other stimuli (cell phone vibrated, fly landed on their nose... something!) and then looked back to the screen. Because they weren't focused on a task directly, they were more open to other input.

Each of us sees the world from a different perspective. Our perspective can leave us blind to the perspectives and insights that others may have. It is impossible for us to see everything because every time we are looking, we are programmed already to 'see' from and through the perspective of our wants, needs and goals. Our focus has already been determined by our need.

In business this may mean that we indirectly limit ourselves from being as creative, arriving at the best solution, or in fully seeing and anticipating potential barriers and issues. However, by virtue of them 'seeing' differently than we do, others may be in a better position to point these blind spots out to us. Our challenge of course, is to remain open to listening to their input.

What can we do?

First of all, acknowledge that more exists beyond what you can see. Getting another pair of eyes to review your project, your solution, your direction may catch things that you overlooked. Getting this insight before you have finalized your direction is definitely preferable to realizing, after implementation, that you overlooked something. This may mean that you deliberately add people onto your team specifically for the different perspectives that they bring to the table. If everyone sees and thinks the way you do then you are automatically limiting the result from the outset. Embracing differences in perspectives is not always easy, but it almost always proves to have value.

Secondly, recognise the differences in people's perspectives and assign elements of a task according to the strength of that perspective. Know that your people will see what they are instructed to see. There may be value in not limiting the direction of their sight, by asking someone to be responsible for seeing what others are missing. In other words... if you're responsible for doing the counting, assign someone else to watch out for the gorilla!

This is just as relevant for you to consider at a personal level. Don't allow yourself to get derailed from your goals simply because you failed to notice an upcoming roadblock. Take the time to periodically bounce your goals and chosen direction off of someone else, for their insights and perspectives. They are likely going to see pending potholes and roadblocks that you have failed to, allowing you to plan another route to your success.

Tired of Making Decisions?

2011-08-29T07:17:00.038-04:00

Regardless of whether you answered 'yes' or 'no' to this question, the latest research out indicates that we all get tired when faced with having to make too many decisions. The biggest insight though was the discovery that when we suffer from mental fatigue the quality of the decisions we now are asked to make deteriorates significantly.

It seems that no matter how good we believe we are at making decisions, we can't continue to make decision after decision without paying a price biologically. We know this about physical and muscle fatigue, but our brains apparently get tired too. The problem is that we typically aren't consciously aware of when we're low on mental energy and therefore we tend to continue to push through, without ever knowing that our self-control (which is the element that tends to over-see bad decision making!) is being depleted.

Decision Fatigue is the term applied to the phenomenon called Ego Depletion - so labelled by social psychologist Roy F. Baumeister. His experiments showed that there is a finite store of mental energy for self-control. When it is depleted, our ability to resist temptations is also significantly reduced. This new insight helps explain the dieter's dilemma... why losing weight can prove to be so hard. If you are constantly having to deny yourself food that you're craving you are, in essence, having to consistently make a choice between 'cheating' or not. Each decision continues to deplete your willpower resources until you finally cave-in late in the day. This is why candy bars at the check-out counter sell so well. Up until now it was put down to simple impulse purchases. However, if you have been shopping for a while, making decision after decision about what to buy, the make, model, price... you are more fatigued by the time you go to pay. That fatigue results in a loss of willpower and, before you know it, those M&M's are tossed in your cart.

These findings though have bigger, more far reaching implications...

research shows that if you are a prisoner going to a parole hearing, you are 70% more likely to be granted parole if you are on the docket early in the morning than if you are scheduled late in the day. Although studies haven't yet been conducted, I can only assume that sentencing decisions late in the day would also be affected. I'm not sure though if it would result in greater or lesser sentencing... which is easier to decide?
if you have had to make a lot of decisions (even small relatively inconsequential ones), you will give up more than 50% faster on the next decisions you have to make
once decision fatigue has set in, you are significantly more likely to settle for whatever the 'recommended' options are from sales personnel. Buying a car? Researchers had customers wade through a number of additional special features that they could select to add onto their proposed new vehicle. Although they weighed their choices carefully in the beginning, as decision fatigue began to set in customers started settling for whatever the default option was. Savvy salespeople of course kept the more expensive options and decisions for the end. The result? Car buyers ended up purchasing more than $2,000 in extras. Decision fatigue can therefore leave you very vulnerable to marketers who know and understand the phenomena and time their sales accordingly.
the poor are more susceptible than the rich. Interestingly, the less money that you have to spend, the more decisions you have to make - constantly weighing your choices over the course of the day. This leaves you more mentally fatigued and therefore more susceptible to to the effects, making poorer choices for yourself and more easily influenced by others
When we exercise too much we feel it and know to relax. We allow our body some time to shut down and recover. Our brain though never stops working. It can't, it's in charge of too many processes that are perpetually ongoing. Decision Fatigue then doesn't result in a shut down of the brain, but it does result in the brain stopping its activity on certain things and starting doing others instead. It redirects its focus. The big shift tends to be a refocusing from long-term prospects to focusing instead on more immediate rewards. Yes, you know your long-term goal is to lose those 10 pounds, but your brain has now determined that you deserve that candy bar... now!

In fact, in order to recover from mental fatigue your brain requires glucose. That's why whenever we get exceedingly mentally fatigued we find ourselves reaching for the sweet snacks rather than salty ones. (again... a tough one for dieters who are likely trying to avoid the sweet snacks)

What to do with this?

Know and understand that there are no telltale signs or symptoms of decision fatigue. All decisions, large or small, add up to deplete your will power. Choosing what to have for breakfast, what clothes to wear, what to spend, what model to buy, whether to go out to a movie... all add up. Don't delude yourself into thinking that you are immune... we are all susceptible. Even knowing it happens doesn't prevent it from happening. It is logical to expect therefore, that the decisions you make later in the day are likely to suffer as a result. If you have big decisions to make later in the day then ensure that you top up your glucose levels at least a half hour beforehand.

Additionally, studies show that the people with the best self-control are those that have structured a lot of the elements in their lives so as to conserve their willpower. Actions you can take to conserve yours...

try to avoid scheduling back-to-back meetings, allow a little mental recovery time in between whenever possible
schedule in moments throughout your day that don't require decisions of any kind, take a mental decision break!
establish habits that standardize activities, thus requiring fewer decisions. (if you set up work out times ahead you don't have to decide each day whether to do it or not)
make your biggest decisions in the morning
finish each day making whatever decisions you can for the day ahead (plan out your breakfast, your clothing, your route, your evening activities. If you've got anything left in you, before going to bed (when you will replenish your fatigue), spend it on making some upcoming decisions. Think of this like 'banking' some decision time. You don't know how challenging your next day might be, it never hurts to bank a little insurance!
when your day has been packed with decisions and choices, know that your brain must be fatigued and avoid making big decisions. Know when not to trust your judgment.

Presentation Basics - Breathing

2011-08-22T07:44:00.001-04:00

Breathing is life. If you're not breathing, you're dead. Simple fact that we're all aware of. However, breathing is also voice. Without breath there is no voice. It stands to reason then that the quality of your voice and the amount of voice you have is also driven by the type and quality of breath. Typically, when working with clients on their personal presence or formal presentation skills, we will need to work on their breathing. For most of us, as long as we were breathing, people were happy with however we chose to make it happen.

If we want stronger, deeper, louder or more compelling voices though, we may need to relearn the way in which we breath. Most of us breathe from the upper third of our lungs (called Tidal Breathing). If we want to increase the depth of our voices, or we want to project them more, we need to learn to breathe from the middle third of our lungs, called diaphragmatic breathing. To do so requires us to breathe from a different place, not to take in a different amount of air. Professional singers, actors on stage, deep sea divers, musicians that play a wind or horn instrument all learn to breathe from the diaphragm in order to support their craft. You can too.

To practice, start by standing up. It is important that you stand fully upright, with the spine elongated. If you slump you compress your diaphragm and cannot breathe from it. Place a hand on your upper chest and one on your upper stomach area, just below the bridge of your ribs. Take a nice, slow, deep breath in. Watch which hand moves. (Breathe out!) Instead of seeing the upper hand rise and fall as you breathe (indicating that you are filling the upper third of your lungs with air), try to make the bottom hand (the one on your diaphragm) move in an out. This will require that you target your breath more, but it will begin to train your brain and body to begin breathing from this area more often. The more consistently you practice breathing from your diaphragm the more you begin to create the habit of breathing from it.

Breathing from the diaphragm also has a number of additional benefits. Let's face it, most of us don't give many formal presentations and, even if we do, we tend to get very anxious and stressed about doing one. We carry this tension in our bodies, which then influences the way we move and sound - making us appear uncomfortable. Our presentation suffers. I offer you two suggestions below to help you deal with some of this tension...

It is not unusual for people, when they get nervous, to feel short of breath or sick to their stomachs. This is because the nerves that control your digestion and your respiration attach to the C3 and C4 vertebrae, which are in the middle of the back of your neck. When we get nervous and tense, we tend to tighten and bunch up these muscles (how many of your feel stress through the muscles of your neck and upper shoulders?). As we tense these muscles up, we impact the nerves controlling our breathing and digestion. The solution then is to relax those muscles, release the tension. Certainly getting someone to massage them for you would work. When at work or at other times you don't have access to someone willing to give you a neck massage, try the following exercise. Stand comfortably and bend over, letting the head hand freely. Really make an effort to fully relax the neck muscles. You can test this out by taking your fingers and gently pushing on your head (while it's hanging). If you feel resistance your haven't fully released it. Allowing the neck to hang freely, and using the weight of the head (much heavier than you realize!) to pull and extend the vertebrae of the neck, helps relieve the tension and release the pressure on those nerves.
Practice your breathing! Take a couple of quiet moments periodically throughout the day to breathe deeply and fully. Sit fully upright and put a hand lightly on your diaphragm to serve as a target for the muscles you want to engage. In addition to practicing breathing from the diaphragm, concentrate on the breath you take. Breathe through the nose only since breathing through the mouth tends to signal to your brain that you are in distress. Not the effect we're after! Deepen your breathing by elongating your exhalations, not your inhalations. Your lungs will adjust naturally and automatically to replace the air you have lost through your exhalations. Therefore, you don't have to focus on your inhalations, they will take care of themselves. Additionally, when you're nervous, trying to inhale more could result in hyperventilation. Focusing on the exhalation is what will prove calming. Try to extend and lengthen the number of outward counts of breath each time. Although you could certainly start and end your day with 15-30 minutes of controlled breathing, most of my clients don't tend to find, have or make the time for this. Instead, using this technique periodically throughout the day, for 3-5 breaths, will serve to help you maintain a greater sense of calmness, well-being and will help keep your stress in check.

Take a Break!

2011-08-17T07:00:00.000-04:00

I'm on vacation this week. Okay... so I wrote a blog this week but, overall... I had a lot of downtime, visiting with friends, swimming in the lake, hosting a pig roast... minimal work. We all recognise the value of a vacation and, indeed, seem to build our lives around the opportunity for our next big break. However, the same arguments that could be applied to why taking a vacation every year is so valuable to our health and well being could apply to the need to take regular breaks throughout our workday.

We live in a world that rewards and celebrates 'busyness' like it is a commodity in and of itself. We wake up to an alarm and race from one activity to another until we collapse in our beds preparing ourselves to do it all again tomorrow. Think back over your typical work day though and ask yourself where the periods for recovery and renewal were, if at all.

Technology has helped us to engage more fully, but it has also served to prevent us from being able to disengage We are always available, always connected. However, being constantly on and focused brings with it a cost. In fact, research shows us that our ability to be fully engaged at work depends in good part with our ability to periodically 'disengage' successfully. It seems that building moments of recovery into your work day ensures that you are able to engage in tasks more fully and passionately. Even though you may be breaking more frequently than those working flat out, building in periods of renewal over the course of the day typically increases overall productivity. You may spend less time on tasks but you are more fully present in the time you do spend, thereby getting more done, in less time, while retaining your health and well-being.

Just like any muscle in our body, our energy capacity decreases with both over or under use. Therefore, we need to balance any energy expenditure with time for energy renewal. Pushing through tasks, moving immediately from one task to another, leaves little time for recovery. However, our energy stores are not limitless and, as we deplete them, it requires more energy to maintain the desired level of output.

How often are breaks ultimately needed? Although it was long known and understood that Circadian rhythms, which work on the cycle of 24 hours, dictated our activity and rest patterns, in the 1970's it was determined that these rhythms were actually broken down into smaller/shorter cycles of 90-120 minutes - which operate throughout the day. These are known as our Ultradian rhythms. It is these rhythms that account for the rise and fall of our energy throughout the course of our day. Although our focus, energy and alertness may be high at the beginning of each of these cycles, by the end they are low. Despite our efforts to continue to persevere and concentrate, our systems go into a marked decline.

Our body will attempt to communicate the need for a break by yawning, stretching, losing focus, hunger pangs, etc. Although our response is to typically override these signals, we would do well to listen to them instead. These are the perfect moments to integrate in a period of renewal, a small break that helps you to recharge and refocus. These breaks don't need to be long in order to be effective. Einstein himself was a strong advocate for the benefit of catnaps.

Suggestions for possible renewal activities might include...

plugging in your ipod and listening to a favourite song or two
read a chapter from a fictional book or a magazine article for interest sake alone
watch a short video on the internet that is of interest (my favourite of course is http://www.ted.com/ where you can even key in the number of minutes you have available and it will find a TED talk in that length for you)
close your eyes and 'nap' for five minutes
meditate
do some deep breathing exercises
do some body stretches
take a walk
drop by someone's work area and touch base with them quickly
file or tidy something (only time it gets done for me!)
do a self-neck massage

It doesn't matter the activity, as long as it offers a chance to recharge, renew and refocus. With so many demands to juggle and so much on our plates clamouriing for our attention, learning to manage our energy, such that we are able to accomplish more in less time, is an asset beyond measure. Who knew that working smarter meant breaking more often?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll recover from the stress of writing this article by taking a nap for a minute or two!

Are You Listening?

2011-08-08T08:28:00.000-04:00

I was thinking about our listening abilities the other day. No, this didn't just come out of the blue. Like so many thoughts I have this one was spurred by two incidents, both of which happened while up here at the cottage (yes, I'm looking out over the lake as I type this...)

I was sitting reading on the front porch beside my husband when I turned to him, commenting on something that I heard the neighbours say while they were out swimming, maybe two-thirds of a football field away. Bear in mind that sound travels amazingly well over water. My husband was stunned that I could hear them clearly from that that distance... although he could tell they were speaking he couldn't decipher any of their conversation.
As with many cottages, we have had issues periodically with mouse invasions. A friend recommended that we try the sonic mouse deterrents they had installed in their cottage - having had great success with them. These are small devices that, when plugged into an outlet, emit sonic noises that are uncomfortable to mice and deter them from setting up home anywhere near them. This noise is apparently undetectable to humans. As soon as they were plugged in though, I commented on the low-level hum that they emitted. No... I don't think I have the hearing sensitivities of a mouse, but the device does have a small motorized sound to it that is constant and a little irritating at first. My husband of course... hears nothing.

These two incidences are what got me started thinking about our hearing. Given that I don't possess 'super' listening powers, why the differences in our abilities? The one conclusion I reached was that our jobs are very different. Much of the work that he does is in his head... analyzing, computing, reporting. It is a very one-sided form of communication. Certainly he has meetings and speaks with people, but the level and type of listening is very different from my own.

In my role as a coach and trainer, certainly in my role of 'reading' others, I am paying close attention to the nuances of messages. Tonal shifts in speaking voices are telling, as are shifts in volume, pace and pitch. My conscious listening habits while at 'work' I supposed, meant that my listening skills in general were more enhanced.

In researching this further (and yes, I really do go look this 'stuff' up!) it appears that although 60% of all communication time is spent listening, we only retain less than 25% of what we hear. In our modern world, which is becoming more busy, more noisy... it seems we are losing our listening skills.

We are bombarded by noise and sound, which is leading us to develop more selective hearing, unconsciously electing to not hear more and more sounds. Just as people living close to airports for instance no longer consciously hear the planes flying overhead, we too unconsciously learn to ignore certain repetitive sounds in our lives. Although we can consciously attend to and hear them when directed to, we learn to cancel out repetitive noises to increase our own personal comfort
There are now so many ways and means for us to record and play back conversations and information that we no longer feel the need to pay as close attention in the first place, knowing we can 'listen' later
So many people walk around with headphones plugged into their ears that they are creating their own little personal sound bubbles. We are therefore teaching ourselves that we can only attend to minimal and directed sound
As the demands on our time increase we are becoming more and more impatient in our listening, requiring people to get to the point. Twitter, Facebook and email communications have taught us that we need to communicate in sound bites, thereby reducing the need (and perhaps desire) to communicate messages through conversations
There are increasing demands for our attention as well, with media alone bombarding us with constant messaging, such that we are becoming desensitized to these messages. Ads are now becoming more graphic - bigger, bolder, more blatant - in an effort to get noticed. As a result, we are missing the more subtle pieces and forms of information and communication.

As a result of the above though, we are developing into a nation (if not a world) of poor listeners. We are missing much of what is happening in the world around us and increasing not just the odds of miscommunicating but of misunderstanding and misinterpreting the messages we are receiving.. If listening is our access to truly understanding, then learning to listen more consciously represents our path back to increasing our understanding of the world, and people, around us.

Julian Treasure, sound expert, offers the following five suggestions for increasing your ability to reconnect yourself to the world of sound...

Practice 3 minutes of silence a day in order to recalibrate your ears. If you can't manage silence, go for three minutes of quiet. Use this time to allow your hearing to once again tune into the smaller, more subtle noises around you.
When you find yourself in a mixed-noise environment (like a coffee bar, cocktail party etc.), sit back and listen, trying to isolate the sounds. Try to focus on only one sound in particular. When you've isolated it from the noise around you, select another to attend to. Challenge yourself to decipher as many separate channels of noise as you can.
Learn to hear, savour and enjoy the mundane sounds around you. (such as the dishwasher, car engine, sonic mouse repellent) This helps you to break through the unconscious filters you have placed on your listening, allowing you to more consciously select and choose what you wish to listen to and hear.
Play with your listening positions, in order to hear differently. Julian emphasizes that the position that we take in a conversation very much determines the outcome of what we've heard. To change the content of the messages received, change the listening position you have adopted. For example... switch from active to passive listening, reductive to expansive, critical to empathetic.
Use the Acronym RASA (sanskrit for Juicy or Essence) to help you be a better listener.

R - Receive (pay attention)
A - Appreciate (provide supportive behaviours and sounds to the speaker)
S - Summarize (to demonstrate and validate understanding)
A - Ask questions

Learning to listen better and more attentively can open you to significantly more information in your communicative processes. There are a lot of messages delivered through more subtle systems than we might otherwise catch. Opening ourselves to hearing them may provide us with a wealth of information that would enhance our relationships and decisions. Now... if they would discover a sonic mouse deterrent that was as quiet as the proverbial mouse... I'd be a happy woman.

Reach Out and Touch Someone

2011-08-01T08:31:00.002-04:00

Most of us would agree that a gentle touch on the forearm, by someone that we know and care about, can bring us comfort, warmth, a sense of well-being, understanding, caring... It can communicate many positive and heartfelt emotions, depending upon the situation and other outward signals of the sender. Did you know though... that the same touch, given by a stranger, can be surprisingly persuasive?

Consider the following research findings...

Diners are more inclined to give their wait staff larger tips if they have been touched casually by them
Strangers are more likely to perform small mundane tasks for others if they were touched on the forearm when the request was made
Women are more likely to dance with you if you touch them lightly and briefly on the arm when asking
If you touch a library user lightly on the arm when they register for your services they are more likely to rate your service favourably than those not touched when registering

Behavioural studies have certainly demonstrated, over and over, that we are much more favourably responsive to the other party (either them directly, or their requests) when we are touched casually (on the forearm) in conversation with them. New research out, (A. Shirmer and colleagues) has shown that the source of the touch doesn't matter at all, it is the sense of being touched that enhances the brain's response. Their study indicated that emotional information, when presented concurrently with touch, may be more motivating to the individual's brain, which then devotes more processing resources to that information.

Implications? Certainly it's clear from an influence standpoint. If you have developed enough rapport with the other party to enter their personal space, touching them briefly on the forearm when making a request of them will enhance the likelihood of gaining their agreement or support. You could even forego making a request, simply use touch as a means of building and cementing the positive rapport you have been establishing, creating a stronger sense of relationship and good will.

Bear in mind... I am talking about a brief touch, on the forearm. Touching longer, anywhere other than the forearm is going to give you a reaction other than the favourable one we're after here! I think that in our touch-phobic business world, we have swung so far onto the side of complete touch-avoidance that we have likely increased the impact and effect that appropriate touch would have. I have definitely noticed a greater emphasis on the handshake in recent years, perhaps because it is our only remaining 'appropriate' form of physical contact within the realm of the business environment.

Perhaps there is a small psychological advantage for those who do implement a small touch here and there. Such an innocuous gesture may provide an even more significant positive effect when used with an audience that is now missing any form of physical connection with their audience. A subtle way to stand out and enhance your likability and promotability? It would seem so.

My final piece of advice for you regarding touch and the workplace. Are you confused by the definition of forearm? Not sure what the definition of a light gentle touch is? Still trying to distinguish in your mind the difference between a touch and a grasp? Then... don't. Just... don't!

Posture Perfect

2011-07-25T19:58:00.001-04:00

I speak about posture with my clients... a lot. And, by 'a lot', I mean A LOT! In fact, I spoke about it with a coaching client today. It is one of the top two elements that arises when we speak about Leadership and Executive presence. What boggles my mind though is no one is ever surprised that I mention it as a key detractor from their projection of confidence, poise and potential. In fact... they typically all indicate that they have been told this same thing many times in the past. Yep, MANY times, and yet... they still slump and slouch.

What?

Your posture is one of the key elements that communicates to others what your relative level of confidence is, either with the situation itself or with yourself. Round your shoulders forward, compress your diaphragm and sink down into your lower spine and you will look more submissive, unsure, hesitant and, yes, weak.    Lord knows that if you are a parent of a teen, in particular a teenage boy, you have been admonishing them forever to stop slouching! Why then do so many adults continue to demonstrate this self-same behaviour?

Recent research now shows us that not only does poor posure make a bad impression, but that it can actually make you physically weaker. According to a study conducted by Scott Wiltermuth (USC Marshall School of Business) and Vanessa K. Bohns (J.L. Rotman School of Mnagement at the University of Toronto), adopting a positive dominant posture, versus a negative submissive posture actually decreases your sensitivity to pain.

According to the study, those adopting more dominant poses felt more powerful, in control and capable of handling more distress. They were comfortably able to tolerate more pain than those who were assigned more neutral or submissive stances.

These results would indicate that adopting a stronger, more positive and dominant posture will not only create a more positive impression with those around you but will actually serve to help you be and feel stronger. Certainly, when experiencing emotional stress and trauma, you would be better served by standing erect than curling into a ball on your bed!   It seems that the old adage to 'Fake it Until you Make it' happens to be true when it comes to posture. Even if you are not feeling particularly confident, standing as though you are will help you to feel stronger and more in control.

So. Don't wait for someone like me to have to tell you what you have known all along... head up, shoulders back, stand up straight.   Mom would be proud.

Ditch the Career...

2011-07-18T07:26:00.003-04:00

I'm an Entrepreneur. I own a couple of businesses; businesses that I started from scratch and continue to market and grow. Okay... typical of the expectation you have for 'entrepreneurs'. However, I want you to consider that, regardless of where you work or who you work for, you too are an Entrepreneur. And... if you're not thinking of yourself as one... yet... you need to start!

Let's face it. The 'old' definitions of careers just don't fit the world of work that we experience today. The guarantees that our parents and grandparents once had no longer exist. The 'career' framework has shifted and we must shift our view with it. This requires us to assume total and complete responsibility for our own futures and, I would suggest, necessitates a shift from thinking of our 'careers' to adopting the perspective that we are thinking of our 'businesses'.

With all of the right-sizing and down-sizing taking place, with the shift in 'how' work is getting done, we are doing ourselves a significant disservice by failing to ensure that we remain marketable and competitive. We shouldn't need to be formally outplaced from our jobs before we begin to think more strategically about our world of work. Accepting all this as true, what should we start to consider?

Shift from the linear definition and picture of Career and adopt a more Entrepreneurial perspective. Rather than looking for or expecting that linear career path, open yourself to a more 'adaptive' version. This pathway may have more twists and turns. It may require you to jump to another parallel path, or to go off-roading for a while. Whatever the case, it is much more experiential and reflective of someone who is able to adapt to changing situations and conditions, shifting their views and approaches to 'fit' with a new reality and changing market.
Be Professional, not Naive. In a recent blog post, noted author Seth Godin differentiated between these two concepts. A naive individual will keep themselves busy doing the work of their 'job', while a professional is consistently working to improve; themselves, their systems and processes.
Study the Market. Watch for the shifting business trends, watch for new growth opportunities and actively ensure that you prepare yourself to take advantage of these. No one is going to care about your development as much as you should and need to. You can't take advantage of new opportunities if you are always playing catch up. It's work to stay ahead of the curve but it's those people who are willing to invest a little time and effort today that will be poised to take advantage of those opportunities in the future.
Network. I know that you hear this all of the time, but it is only because it is true! Be clear about what networking means though. It does not mean... collect as many names and business cards as you possibly can so that you have contacts on hand when you need them. Your job search, due to a recent layoff, should not be the first time that someone has heard from you in the past 5 years. Instead, try to put yourself out in front of your network every 6-12 months, whether with a quick check-in call or email, sending them an article you think would be of interest to them, through your blog or newsletter etc. Work (yep... there's that word again!) your network. Give something to them first, before you find yourself needing to ask something of them.
Study the Competition. I know that you may consider your coworkers your friends, but you need to also consider them your competition. If they will potentially be vying with you for that next big promotion then don't let your friendships overshadow your need to stay a step ahead. Watch what they are doing to develop themselves, keep an eye on what skills and experience they are developing. You might not be well-suited to duplicate it, but you definitely need to ensure that your value-added skills continue to keep-pace with or exceed theirs if you want those future opportunities. Similarly, you need to be able to address the relative advantages of your mix of skills versus theirs.
Become skilled at Self-Marketing. This is pehaps everyone's least-favourite activity and therefore one in which most fall short. However, it is important for businesses to strategically build and market their brand and it is equally important for you to do the same. Don't expect your hard work to have a loud enough voice to do all of your talking for you. Ensuring that others know the nature of your contributions and achievements is necessary as a means of standing out from the crowd. This needn't be an obnoxious recitation of all of your accomplishments at every meeting. It requires a little more finesse, but it does require you to be very clear about what you bring to the table and to highlight and remind people periodically. (more on this to come in the following months as I gear up to launch a new program in this area!)

Competition for jobs in the future is only going to get tougher. Companies are using technology to accomplish more with fewer headcounts, big businesses are arising that require limited staff to operate(consider Facebook at $100 billion, Groupon at a valuation of $30 billion, Zynga at $20 billion, even Twitter at $8 Billion. These are not businesses that require a big headcount, but they do require a skilled one!), companies are merging, roles are being outsourced overseas... the list goes on. The Bottom Line to all of this? You need to do the 'work' today to ensure that you have 'work' tomorrow.

The Introvert Challenge

2011-07-11T13:07:00.002-04:00

It is no coincidence that many of my clients are Introverted by nature. Most of my practice is centered within North America, a place in which many Introverts find themselves struggling with trying to fit in and be recognised in working environments that predominantly recognise and reward Extroverted behaviour. As life here in North America becomes more competitive and fast-paced, with the growing emphasis on the need to be a 'team' rather than an 'individual' contributor, Introverts today are facing more challenges than ever before. Is it any wonder then that more of them are turning to coaches for help and direction?

It's interesting though, that different cultures have different styles, some of which value Introversion for its many strengths. Individualism, more characteristic of direct, fast-paced communication (such as that found in the US and Germany) is more closely aligned with Extroversion, whereas Collectivistic societies (such as those found in East Asia) are more aligned with the characteristics of Introversion.

Despite the emphasis on Extroversion in North American society, Introverts make up 50 percent of the population. Interesting then, to consider that most Introverts feel they are in the minority and that it is important, if not critical, to their careers to adopt more Extroverted tendencies. Much of the work of coaches, such as myself, tend to be focused on helping Introverts to not just recognise but to capitalize on the strengths they bring to the table; helping them to develop strategic and comfortable ways to promote themselves and those abilities.

Some quick thoughts and tips for Introverts to consider, that even you Extroverts may benefit from...

Email can be a great communication tool for Introverts, providing them with the time they need to fully formulate their thoughts before sharing, and a communication forum that is comfortable. Consider using this as a strategic way of sharing your thoughts and insights, not just as a tool for arranging a meeting time.
The longer a meeting goes on, the more thoughts and information an Introvert has taken in and is processing. As a result, they are less likely to be vocal. Instead, consider speaking up early in meetings. Your thoughts will be cleaner and more direct and you will have demonstrated already, to those present, your willingness to contribute.
Introverts are not likely to be the most vocal person around the table. Therefore, when you do decide to share something, it is important that you say it in a voice that makes it easy for others to hear you. It is worth investing some effort in using audiotape to cultivate a voice (strength, variability, volume) that helps convey your message. You may not speak often, but you do want to speak in a way that lets your audience know that you are worth listening to.
Posture can also make a big difference. Introverts will often shift their mental focus internally, in order to process new information. As they do, their body positioning and posture tend to also shift and change. Typically, the head and eye contact will drop, shoulders may round forward... all of which serves to soften the overall posture and presence of the individual. Instead, work to maintain an upright posture, shoulders back, head up and eyes forward. Even when not speaking you can still convey to others that you are confident and comfortable.

The Value of 'New'

2011-07-06T09:30:00.001-04:00

I had the pleasure of not only spending this past long-weekend at the cottage, but to have our eldest grandson (not quite three and a half) spend the weekend with us. It was a pure joy watching him explore the cottage, the beach, the water, the creek, the paddle boat... No hesitation, just the constant refrain... 'Let me try that!'

Now that I'm back at the office and reflecting back on those moments, it occurs to me that many of us, as adults, have lost this willingness to try and experience new things. We get so caught up the comfort of familiarity that we often go out of our way to avoid trying something new or different. I see this with clients all of the time; clients who 'want' something different in their lives, as long as they don't have to 'do' anything different! We're scared of looking silly as we learn or develop a new skill, we're concerned that others might 'see' or 'talk' about our lack of skill, we're afraid of the changes that something new might bring with it. We have a host of reasons for not trying.

Not introducing something new into our lives is fine, as long as we are fully and completely satisfied with everything that we are, do and have in our lives. I'm not convinced that anyone could fully and honestly say that this is true for them though. Would there be nothing that you didn't harbour a secret interest in learning or experiencing? Nothing that you hadn't wondered how it would feel to try it, to do it? That curiosity is what we find most appealing about young children, but often the first thing that we restrict in ourselves, as we let our fear of the unknown or 'new' gain dominance.

Change seems to be a scary word today. Too much seems to be changing around us, too fast. For many, 'new' is synonymous with change and therefore 'new' is to be avoided. However, let's reframe the thought of introducing newness into our lives. Instead of 'new' equalling 'change', consider that...

New = Growth
New = Discovery
New = Learning
New = Opportunity

So... let's work on creating an answer to the age-old question... What's new with you? The phrase 'nothing' is no longer an acceptable answer. Your task is to now go and find/create/experience something new in your life. It needn't be large, but it also needn't be small. Think instead of something that you would like to experience or learn. What would you like to try, have, be, do, taste, feel, see, learn... Whatever word kick-starts a thought for you - Go With It!

Nat King Cole started his amazingly successful singing career as a piano player. In his mind... he played piano. Period. When playing in a bar, he was confronted by a patron who asked him to sing a song. His response... I don't sing, I play piano. However, when the owner of the bar told him to sing or he was fired, he sang. He tried something new for him. They heard something new for them, and his new career as a singer was launched.

Now, we may not experience this level of success from our attempts at 'new', nor do we need to. The point is though, had he let his comfort zone of being a 'piano player' overtake him, he would never have discovered a hidden talent and a hidden love. What talents and skills are you keeping buried in your failure to explore something new? What joys might you discover if you were to introduce yourself to new people, activities, places, things?

Don't just think about this article. Do something about it. Take action. Because... you know... the next time I see you I expect an answer to my question...

What's NEW with you?

Your Life, Your Choice

2011-06-27T20:06:00.000-04:00

According to Kevin Hogan, author of the definitive The Psychology of Persuasion, research shows that when people are provided with choices in their lives they feel more in control of their lives and their experiences. However, when a goal is forced upon them, they are more likely to put less effort into the attainment of that goal, and to value the final result less.

Hmm... seems straight forward. However, the implications are much more significant. In my book, It's Time Now, Choose the Life you Really Want, I talk about the fact that often the dissatisfaction we feel with and in our lives is a direct result of living a life that others have chosen for us, rather than consciously living one of our own choosing. The research that Kevin was referencing above supports this. We are going to feel much more motivated to carry out and complete tasks and goals that we have set for ourselves than we are those that have been imposed on us.

The equation is pretty simple then. Want to feel better about your life? Choose what you want from it and go after it. In my Life and Career coaching though, I see people mess this equation up time and time again. In our efforts to keep those around us happy, we get caught up in fulfilling their wants and needs, rather than our own, often leaving us with little time left to spend on moving ourselves forward in a direction of our choosing.

parents think we should be a lawyer, even though we love the thought of teaching... so we go to law school
our boss feels that the next strategic career move for us would be to take on a role in sales, despite the fact that we prefer analysis... so we move into sales
our spouse wants to move into a house with a huge backyard, even though we hate gardening... so we move into the house with the big backyard
our family wants to go on a week long hiking trip, though we would prefer a vacation that pampers us and feels less like 'work'... so we go hiking
friends want to go out to opera, we'd prefer to go to a movie... we end up seeing opera
we feel like Italian, we end up eating Chinese...

Sure... we face compromises every day. That's life. We don't likely get our way all the time, but some of the time? We should. On the 'big life-changing' stuff? We better. Think for a moment how difficult it would be to live a life where none of your choices mattered, where none of your preferences counted, where nothing that mattered to you actually got done in your life? Depressed even thinking about it? Imagine the impact of living it.

Yet... some of us are doing just that. We have compromised ourselves into living other people's choices, other people's definitions of 'a life'. The bottom line though is that this is YOUR life. YOUR choices, YOUR life. Giving in to other peoples choices for us is living a life by default, but... and this is the big point... drumroll please... it is still a CHOICE. And... it's your choice.

You are choosing to sacrifice your wants, needs, hopes, satisfaction, happiness, esteem... to fulfill something for someone else. They better be someone you really care about. My question to you though... how much do they truly care about you if they allow this to continue, day after day, choice after choice? And... really... how much do you care about you to allow it to continue, day after day, choice after choice?

Food for thought, isn't it? Trying to please everyone around you will not, I repeat WILL NOT, ever, (never ever) make you happy. Defining what you want from your life and making that happen, working to please you... always will.

Your life, your choices... choose consciously, choose wisely.. but CHOOSE!

Built to Last

2011-06-20T19:45:00.000-04:00

I just returned from a 10 day trip to Italy in which I visited Rome, Florence, Pisa and Venice. As much as it was a wonderful environment in which to relax and unwind, those that know me well realize that I never totally divorce myself from my work. I have the good fortune of having businesses that are fully integrated with and representative of who I am. Therefore, my mind is always taking new experiences and applying them to my work. I love what I do and it comes with me, no matter where I go!

I, along with thousands of others tourists, looked at, with awe and wonder, the famous sites of Rome (imagine seeing the Coliseum live, walking the same marble steps so many walked a thousand plus years ago), experiencing the Vatican, seeing the Sistene Chapel, in Florence seeing both Michelanglo's David, and Rembrandt's Portrait of an Old Man. It's a seemingly endless list of experiences. As I continued to layer new wonder upon new wonder, I couldn't help but marvel over not only the creativity, ingenuity and sheer intelligence of these historical figures but their commitment to creating and building legacies that would live on through generation after generation.

Additionally, I couldn't help but contrast this with our society's 'disposable' mentality. I can understand technology that becomes obsolete due to new advances. What I have difficulty in understanding though are manufacturers that deliberately build 'less' quality into their products in order to ensure an ongoing market. They are capable of building better, but choose not to. In viewing the Coliseum in Rome, there is clear evidence of the metal bars that were inserted into the stone walls to ensure that they were strong enough to not only support the weight of thousands of spectators, but to also ensure that the walls would withstand the ravages of weather and time. They invested themselves fully in what they did, focusing on the longevity of their craft, dedicating themselves to leaving a legacy.

Although the Roman Empire itself did not survive, their legacy lives on. How many of us, I wonder, have that same view or commitment? In their book 'Built to Last', Jim Collins and Jerry Porras outline the results of their studies, summarizing just what elements help companies continue to be successful. Not just what made them great, but what kept them on top. This book became a bestseller because we have lost touch with what is needed to sustain greatness. We have lost touch with what it means to produce quality. We have lost touch with our commitment to delivering our best, rather than focusing on what it means to make a profit. Certainly these two elements seem to be at odds more often than not and certainly it appears that the value of a dollar wins out. One can't help to wonder though... at what cost?

As with all things, this commitment begins with each individual. Consider the question... What is your legacy? What do you represent and stand for, what messages will live on beyond you? Your audience need not encompass the world, your messaging may extend out to include a much more narrow sphere around you, of people that you have reached, touched and influenced. Regardless of the size of your sphere of influence, consider what legacy do you leave behind. If your current legacy is not representational either of the authentic you, or of how you want to be remembered, begin taking steps now to create greater alignment between these elements.

A great exercise is to consider that you are attending your own funeral, listening to what others are saying about you, what they remember most about you. Think about what you'd like to hear them saying and use this as a measure to guide the actions and behaviours you need engage in today to drive this result.

Always keep in mind...

People are not as likely to remember what you said as they are to remember what you did.

The Power of a Smile

2011-06-13T08:00:00.005-04:00

In my Executive Presence seminars I always emphasize that a smile, given it’s one of the few truly universal facial gestures, is one of the strongest tools in your professional tool-kit. Researchers at Penn state have found that when you smile, you appear to others as instantly more likeable, courteous and competent. That small gesture has a significant impact on your credibility.
However, I rarely have the time to go into as much detail about the smile as research has found, all of which serve to highlight the benefits of the smile and build the case for smiling more. Hold on now though… because here we go!!
• Using 3D ultra-sound technology, we have found that babies smile in the womb. In fact, we are typically born smiling (until the cold of the outside world or a slap on the bottom bring us around!). Even babies born blind… smile!

• We typically smile to express joy and satisfaction. Interestingly, children can smile more than 400 times per day. However, smile research in adults finds that only one third of us smile more than 20 times per day, with none of us coming close the 400 smiles of childhood. Further, 14% of us smile less than 5 times per day. Little joy happening there!

• Studies that were conducted measuring the size of smiles in student’s yearbook photos with their later success in life found that the bigger the smile, the more successful they proved to be – more successful with their marriages, general well-being and were a greater inspiration to others.

• Other studies of –re 1950’s baseball player’s playing cards found that the span of their smiles predicted the span of their life. The bigger the smile, the longer the life (I kid you not!)

• The very act of smiling stimulates the brain’s reward function. Therefore the mere act of smiling increases our overall sense of happiness and well-being. For those of you that are chocoholics and rely on a piece of Godiva to help you feel better, research has found that one smile can generate the same level of positive brain stimulation as up to 2,000 bars of chocolate (forgive me if I would prefer to then combine the two and surround myself with smiling people while eating chocolate… but that’s just me!)

• Customer service personnel often place a mirror on their desk so that they can look at themselves while speaking to customers on the phone. Watching themselves as they talk serves as a reminder to smile more while talking to customers, because when you smile while speaking, it impacts the voice such that customers can ‘hear’ the smile, making the customer service representative sound warmer and more caring.

• Smiling can actually help to physically reduce the amount of stress inducing hormones in the body (dopamine, adrenaline, cortisol) while increasing the levels of mood enhancing hormones (like endorphins) and decrease your blood pressure. No drugs needed here!

• And, finally, studies have found that it is actually tremendously difficult for us to frown at someone who is smiling. The smile is evolutionarily contagious. It actually serves to suppress the control you have on your facial muscles, making it difficult to maintain a frown. The old adage ‘Smile and the world smiles with you’ is apparently more accurate than we may have believed to be true.

The smile is an integral part of your ability to connect with your audience, making you appear warmer, more attractive, caring, interested and engaging. Is it any wonder that laughter clinics are seeing a rise in their business. In a world where we are constantly pushed to succeed and exceed, it may be true that taking the time to relax and have a little fun along the way may be a secret success tool we have overlooked. As it turns out, laughter may be the best medicine after all!

Why Being 'Sticky' is a Good Thing!

2011-06-06T08:00:00.007-04:00

For those that have worked with me, you know that I often steal (in the nicest possible way!) ideas from one discipline to apply to another. I think that you are able to learn lessons from almost anywhere and apply them to your own life and situation. Such is the case with the concept of 'stickiness'.

In 2000, Malcolm Gladwell wrote his definitive book TheTipping Point. (for those that haven't read this yet - and you should! - I've provided the link below). It was in this book that he first introduced us to the concept of The Stickiness Factor, which was one of the key determinants of whether an innovation would 'tip', would become an overwhelming success.

This concept rang a bell with the brothers Heath (Chip and Dan) who were busy investigating a different phenomena. They were trying to determine the specific elements that made ideas memorable. They then went on to publish their book... Made to Stick. Although both of these works focused on making ideas or products sticky, I think there are strong messages concerning what makes your own personal brand sticky as well. What makes you memorable?

Chip and Dan Heath define 6 basic characteristics of sticky ideas. Let's take a look at each and see how they might relate to your developing a strong and memorable brand.

Sticky Principle 1 - Simplicity

An idea must be both simple and profound for others to not just remember it, but to want to remember it. Your brand message needs to also be simple. Too many people try to highlight everything they are and bring to the table, which tends to dilute their message and decrease their memorability. Instead, focus on two or three key elements that truly define you and build your brand around those. These are those messages that you want to be top of mind with your associates and audience whenever they think of you. The more consistent these are across circumstances and audiences, the stronger your branded message.

Sticky Principle 2 - Unexpectedness

Ideas need to generate interest and curiosity, in order for them to endure. So do you. Although you don't want to build your brand around the 100 or so skills and abilities you have, you do want your audience to recognize that you are more than just your overall branded message. You need them to be curious about you, to want to learn more about you. The better you are around driving this interest the stronger and stickier your brand.

Sticky Principle 3 - Concreteness

The stickiest ideas tend to be those that are made clear through the use of concrete images; descriptions that help your audience to clearly identify and relate to the message. Ensure that your brand is clear. Don't fill your description of who you are with so much jargon that your audience is left wondering. You want them to remember it, not run from it! Use analogies, metaphors, and twists on proverbs if they help to provide the clarity your audience needs to understand exactly who you are, what you do and what you stand for.

Sticky Principle 4 - Credibility

To make an idea sticky, it often requires credibility. It might not be sticky just because you say so, but having an expert say so is enough to tip it over the edge. Consider then, how important it might be to have others selling your brand for you, rather than yours being the only voice speaking to your value. This is the benefit of focusing your brand on two or three key elements. Creating a strong branded message means that your audience is clear about what you represent. As a result, they are more likely to speak up on your behalf, share with others what you represent. Although it is often necessary for you to toot your horn, it is much more powerful to get others to do it for you.

Sticky Principle 5 - Emotions

We know that if we are to win people over to our ideas that we need to get them to feel something. So too with our personal brand. If we can present ourselves and our brand in a way that helps our audience to relate and connect to us, then we will definitely be remembered (and more favorably!) than those that don't. Make sure that you have your audience in mind when you are crafting and, in particular, delivering your message. Always be clear about how you want the other party to respond to and feel about your message. This will determine how you need to present it, in order to evoke those reactions and responses.

Sticky Principle 6 - Stories

Stories have proven to be a great tool to help drive people to action. Great presenters use stories to help draw their audience into their presentation and to make their ideas more memorable. Great marketers use stories to help people relate to their products and to help potential customers remember what their product does. If we want that same experience, we are driven to purchase their product. When it comes to your brand, you too can use stories to help your audience to understand not just what you do but, especially, what you can do for them. In addition, stories are repeatable. We have been retelling stories we have been told since we were children. Sharing a story about yourself gives your audience something that they can immediately connect to and restate, making them marketing ambassadors for you, helping to extend your brand message.

There you have it; six simple but sticky ideas to help you to stand out and be more memorable. Apply them and, like in their commercials, your clients won’t just be stuck on band-aids… they’ll be stuck on you!

Dream Less... but Expect More!

2011-05-30T10:54:00.000-04:00

We have all been told, on numerous occasions I'm sure, to dream big, that if we can't dream it we can't achieve it. The cold hard truth is though... Dreaming doesn't make it so. It turns out that thinking about what we want in life doesn't get us closer to achieving more. However, becoming clear about what we 'expect' will.

The Placebo Effect in medicating and treating individuals is well documented. A sugar pill, administered to a patient who expects it to reduce their pain, will typically experience pain relief. The patient expected the 'drug' they were receiving to be effective, to a certain degree, in reducing their pain and therefore they experienced that degree of pain relief.

In a well-known study, students were divided into two groups; high and low IQ. Only teachers were informed which group each student was in. The students knew nothing of the division. After eight months, the High IQ group was performing significantly better than the Low IQ group. However, unbeknownst to the teachers, the students had been randomly assigned to the two groups. The groups actually had no bearing on the actual IQ of the students. Remember also, the students knew nothing about the assigned groups and yet their performance suffered due to the arbitrary classification. The determining factor? The expectations of the teachers themselves. The teachers 'knew' which group each student belonged to and therefore had different expectations for each that unconsciously influenced the results and achievements of each.

This is big. Think about it for a minute. What you expect of/from others influences what you will likely receive from them. Pretty powerful stuff!

Take this concept and apply it back to the concept of your dreams. We all know that our dreams aren't true. We don't really expect them to occur, we don't hold them as a certainty. Is it little wonder that we don't achieve them? Instead, we have to reframe our dreams as certainties. We have to 'expect' them to occur if we want to truly experience and achieve them. It is through these unshakeable expectations that we continue to persevere, that we continue to move forward. It is this certainty of expectation that helps us to cope with frustration and disappointment along the way. We may experience setbacks but we are better poised to keep going and pushing through when we expect that things will turn around.

I see this phenomena play out often with coaching clients. It is not unusual for people to express a desire for more, better or different in their lives. However, when questioned about their expectations, I find that although they would like or hope for better, they don't truly 'expect' things to change. As a result, they don't tend to engage in the behaviours necessary to drive the change they want. If you don't expect that your efforts will make a difference, you'll be hard pressed to expense the time and energy into those efforts.

Our expectations are critical to our experienced outcomes. Note that expectancy is a non-conscious process. It is an unconscious prediction that manifests in the conscious mind as a certainty. Hoping for something does not convey that same sense of certainty that expectancy does, therefore you do not feel the same compulsion to invest in making it happen. Expectations drive attitudes and behaviours which, in turn, lead you to engage in actions that drive your desired (expected) results. Hoping or wishing for something does not generate a call to action and therefore you tend to remain safely ensconced in your armchair, surrounding by those unfulfilled hopes.

How does this look?

You hope to win a lottery some day but you expect to spend the rest of your life earning $50,000.00 per year. Your current salary? $50,000.00. Typically, research shows us that we each tend to earn the salary that we truly expect that we are worth, that we expect is possible for us.
You want that new promotion, but you expect the boss to say no. You're not surprised when that is what they say.
You want to lose weight and keep it off but you expect that you will always have to struggle with your weight and yo-yo dieting. Sure enough, you somehow manage to regain those 10 pounds you just lost

Sound familiar?

The difference between wanting or hoping for something and what our true expectations are is the key differential in what we truly experience and receive in our lives. If you truly want something different, then you need to build the expectations that will support that desire. Challenge your limiting beliefs and existing expectations, replacing them with those that support those desires and dreams. Otherwise... they will continue to remain simply hopes and dreams, as ethereal and unreachable as the clouds drifting by outside of my window.

In a nutshell...we GET what we EXPECT.

Was this blog post insightful, interesting and helpful for you? I expect so!

Balancing our Diet of Information

2011-05-23T08:23:00.002-04:00

If you've been reading this blog regularly (and really, why wouldn't you?), you know that I love books, I love new ideas and I especially love books that bring us new ideas! I've come to accept that not everyone loves books as I do, but I am a strong believer in the need for people to be open to, if not love, collecting new ideas. In this way, the internet has been a tremendous gift to use, bringing access to new ideas, new thoughts, to our doorstep. Or... does it?

In his book "The Filter Bubble", author Eli Pariser speaks openly about how the algorithmic editing of information on the web is significantly impacting our online experience. These algorithms are based on our personal choices, mainly driven by what we 'click' on first. As a result, they begin to tailor our query results and show us what they think we 'want' to see, not necessarily what we truly 'need' to see. We therefore get caught in a 'filter bubble' that limits our exposure to a variety of information.

We may receive information that fits our current mindset, but we no longer receive the variety of information that may serve to educate, enlighten or inspire us to learn or grow our ideas. If we liken the information we take in to the food we take in, then instead of a healthy, balanced diet of information, we end up with a junk food diet of information. Enough to sustain, but not built to nurture or develop new ideas. We strengthen our current repetoire of ideas and views, but we don't expand them. Over time perhaps, we even begin to weaken and stagnate, much as our muscles may atrophy.

Just as we need to ensure that those online filters aren't limiting our search results, we need to actively work to ensure that we are exposed to messages, even if those ideas only serve to solidify the ones we have. More often than not though, we're more likely to find ourselves beginning to link thoughts, ideas and concepts in ways that wouldn't have been possible without the intake of new information, providing us with stronger solutions, clarity in our thinking and perhaps, totally new and innovative ideas.

To be a leader, not a follower,
To be innovative, rather than conventional,
To develop the 'best' solutions, not just 'a' solution,
To grow, not stagnate...

... we need to be exposed to new ideas. We need to expand our way of thinking by being exposed to the thoughts of others. I know, I can hear you thinking... but who has the time? This needn't be a practice that involves a great deal of time or exploration, but it does need to be strategic. We're not talking here about your researching or reading only about those topics that you currently know and enjoy. Learning can, and should, be uncomfortable at times, but if you want to challenge some of your existing knowledge and beliefs you have to get uncomfortable!

The Work:

Follow a couple of bloggers that are knowledgeable about areas outside your direct area of expertise. Don't just follow those that think like you, follow a couple of people that think differently. Hear what they have to say. Relate it to your thoughts on the subject and consider whether it has an impact on how you feel, relate to, think about that subject now. I often find that listening to someone's ideas on a totally unrelated subject can bring me insight and clarity to my particular issues. It's often surprising how much you can take from other disciplines and apply to your own, helping you to grow and develop faster.
I love TED. When I have 10 or 15 minutes between client calls or visits, I will often call up a TED talk randomly to watch and listen to. (http://www.ted.com/ for those of you that have not yet experienced this!) I have yet to listen to one of these short talks that did not serve to provide me with a new thought or insight. If you've got a couple of minutes to spare at some point during your week, check them out and discover something new, inspiring, earth-changing perhaps. This is a perfect resource for those that don't like to read... learn by watching a quality video!
Conduct a mini survey. Ask a number of senior managers in your firm, or outside of your firm, what they felt the 2 best books were that have helped them with their careers. Amalgamate the results. Read the top two or three. Conduct a similar survey with a different question... two best books on leadership, on business strategy, on marketing techniques, on sales approaches, on influence. Instead of books, conduct a survey on who they feel two of the most influential people are in a particular field... see if they have a blog/website and follow them

In the end, it's not about the route you decide to take to expose yourself to new ideas, it's just important that you do it!

Got a Goal? Keep it to Yourself!

2011-05-16T07:53:00.003-04:00

Got a goal? Want to increase the odds of achieving it? The latest research out is showing us that you increase your odds significantly if you don't tell anyone about it!

For years research has shown us that the mere act of writing down your goals gives them a permanence and reality in your brain that helps drive you toward achieving them. In studies, participants that wrote down their goals, versus those that did not, were more than 60% likely to achieve them.

If Step One in achieving our goals is to define them, then Step Two must certainly be the need to write them down.

Our typical third step is usually to start talking to others about our goal. Conventional wisdom has typically said that telling others about our goals helps to motivate us to succeed and, also, creates a form of peer pressure to persevere. We aren't going to want to share with others that we abandoned our quest and we therefore keep on pushing toward it.

New research out though, shows that this conventional wisdom is, in fact, a fallacy. It seems that typically, when we share our 'big' goal with someone else, they will get excited about it. Their excitement, in turn, makes us feel good about ourselves and our goal. This feeling serves to convince the brain that the goal has already been achieved and it stops driving you forward.

This phenomena is referred to, in psychological circles, as Social Reality. It's the impact of that social gratification on the brain's perception of what is real and what is, as yet, still a thought or ideal. The very acknowledgment by others of your goal, gives it a reality in the mind's eye that leads you to be less motivated toward achieving it than more.

The bottom line therefore is that 'telling' someone about your goal will typically make it less likely to happen. But we are, by nature, relatively social creatures. When we are excited about an idea or a goal we naturally want to share that excitement with others. If you feel the need to share your goal, but want to avoid the social gratification trap, make sure that you emphasize how much work you still have to do, how much further you still have to push, in its achievement. You need to clearly let your brain know that it is not a fait accomplis but rather a work still in progress.

So, Step Three in the goal achievement process? Keep your mouth shut!

Why Getting it Wrong... can be the Right Thing to Do

2011-05-09T07:43:00.007-04:00

Think about it. Most people do everything they can to avoid being wrong. We put a lot of time and effort into doing what we can to prevent even the possibility of being wrong. And... we learned this early. In public school we learned that when it came to raising our hands to answer a question, we needed to make sure we had the 'right' answer, or we risked embarrassing ourselves in front of our classmates. We learned that we needed to study to make those 'A' grades, or risk being embarrassed, whether with peers or parents, about the grade we did get.

Let's face it. If we fell short of that perfect mark, we were far more likely to focus on the answers we got wrong, to question the 'why' of getting it wrong, to 'feel' bad about those answers we missed, than we were to focus on those we got right and to celebrate the number of times we were 'right' in our answers.

Think about it. We tend to get stuck in the feeling of being right, the need to 'be' right, primarily in an effort to avoid how we feel when we realize that we're wrong. It's not the actual 'being' wrong that carries this emotional impact though, it's our interpretation and how we respond to the realization we were wrong that creates and carries that emotion. It's our response to 'wrongness' that does it. Somehow we have managed to equate being wrong about something to there being something wrong with us.

However, in dialogues with some of the greatest, brightest thinkers of our times we have learned one key necessary attribute they all possessed. Consider this the secret key to your future success, it is that important. Each of these bright people, these successful people, were willing to get it wrong, before they got it right. That's it. Be willing to get it wrong, before getting it right.

The magic in this rests in the fact though that they didn't internalize the 'wrongness'. They separated the action from their sense of self. The action they took was 'wrong', but it didn't make them 'wrong'. Each time they were wrong in a choice they eliminated one possibility off of their list of possibilities. It taught them a lesson. Learning from the mistake, the wrong turn, helped lead them to their breakthrough moment. To do this though, they had to be prepared to accept error, to embrace the messages that came with being wrong.

For us to advance in our lives, to enjoy greater success, we too need to learn to accept the lessons that accompany being wrong, to embrace our 'right to be wrong', as part of the growth process, and to move closer to our desired 'right' result. Our fear of being wrong holds us back from achieving this though. Our fear of others thinking we're wrong, prevents us from trying. Adopting the response of... 'Ahhh, I'm wrong today, but one step closer to being right'... frees us to begin making choices today, rather than waiting until we are sure we are right.

Having to be 'right' before we act is debilitating. Embracing the possibility of being wrong... liberating. After all, making mistakes is what being human is all about... and I don't think I'm wrong about that!

(great reference on this topic, from 'wrongologist' Kathryn Schulz)

What's in a Name?

2011-05-02T08:00:00.002-04:00

Most networking classes tell you that there is no sound as appealing to someone as the sound of their own name... therefore you should use the other person's name a couple of times in conversation to help you connect more readily with them. However, research into the power of 'Names' shows us that our names might be much more influential than we ever imagined. Consider the following...

Your name can help determine your career choice. Studies have found that people with the surname of 'Doctor' are more likely to be doctors than lawyers, while those with the surname of 'Lawyer' were more likely to be (yes, you've got it!) lawyers than doctors. Additionally, other studies have found that even the sound of your first name can help determine (influence) your career choice. For instance, someone named Dennis is more likely to be a Dentist than can be explained by random choice.
The alphabetical order that children line up in, during their earlier years, may affect their decision-making processes. Research just out is finding that People whose last name falls later in the alphabetical list tend to respond to opportunities more quickly than those with a surname starting earlier in the alphabet. Lining children up according to their last name seems to program those at the end of the line to respond to offers more quickly - correcting for the inequity experienced earlier in life.
Results have shown that adolescents with unpopular names are more likely to engage in criminal activity. Although not the cause of crime itself, it appears that the names of these children are connected to factors that increase the tendency to commit crime (such as treatment from peers).
There are strong stereotypical expectations associated with certain names, which has often been shown to lead to unconscious treatment differences amongst children. Certain names are consistently associated with certain traits that then influence the expectations that others have of them. Having a name that others associate with stupidity makes getting an 'A' on your term paper that much harder, research shows.
Name Letter Branding has a significant influence on your everyday choices. A series of studies shows that our initials tend to influence our brand choices. Peter will prefer Pepsi, while Carl will like Coke. Basically put... if a brand name shares our initials, we tend to like it more. The influence effect carries over to include where you live, towns and street names, products... The effect is stronger when people are making their decisions based on their feelings... on how the product makes them feel.
In one study, student's initials were compared with their GPAs. The result? Students who had C or D as an initial had lower GPAs than students who had A or B as an initial.
In baseball, strikeouts are recorded using the letter K. In analyzing over 93 years of Major League Baseball players performances it was found that batters whose names began with a K struck out slightly more often than batters whose names did not.

The results of these studies definitely indicate that our names are much more powerful and influential than we may have realized. Certainly, our parents likely weren't aware of the potential impact of their choices, agonizing mostly over which side of the family to name the baby after or the sound of the combination of the first and last names. Personally... I'm glad my children are all named already and it's too late to go back! (thankfully, they seem to have survived without a significant negative impact!). For those of you just starting a family and in the process of selecting a name? Well... you might want to eliminate your pangs of guilt and 'naming' stress by purchasing a dart board and blindfold!

Turning Small Talk into a Conversation

2011-04-25T11:28:00.003-04:00

Let's face it, few of us can truly say that we enjoy making small talk. It may be a necessary part of the meet-and-greet process, but most of us are simply biding our time until we can get to the 'real' content, the business dialogue. However, much of the success of that business dialogue rests with how well you manage to connect with the other party...while making small talk!

Although there are a number of tips and techniques to help make those magical first moments work for you, one overlooked element revolves around the small talk itself. Most people make the mistake of allowing the conversation to remain light and superficial... how was the drive, how is the weather, how are you feeling... You get it! However, you both want and need to have the opportunity to show interest in the other party as a person, to get to know more about them and what matters to them. In order to do this you must shift the small talk from a dialogue like any other they have had when first meeting someone, to a conversation more reminiscent of one they would have with a friend. This then, in turn, leads their brain to believe that you too much be a friend. And...don't we all prefer working with people we like?

To get this edge, employ a technique that I refer to as 'clicking'. When reading articles on the Internet, we have the ability to 'click' on different words embedded within the content of the article that allow us to go deeper into that subject. In doing so, we gain deeper and richer information about that word or concept.

Consider doing the same while in conversation with someone. When listening to them, mentally 'click' on a word or phrase they used and formulate a follow-up question around it. Asking these questions provides you with a number of benefits...

It allows you to go a level below the original superficial statement.
The other party now has to begin thinking, which means they have now become engaged in the process of speaking with you. It forces them to become present to the conversation.
You demonstrate to them that you were listening to what they had to say. This shows respect.
By 'clicking' on a comment of theirs you are showing your interest in their thoughts and what they have to say. Showing interest in them makes you appear more interesting in turn.
When you shift to the 'business' portion of your conversation you will already be conversing at a deeper level, and will be more likely to experience a greater degree of openness and rapport in that dialogue immediately.

Give it a try. You may find that 'clicking' on an element of their content allows you both to 'click' more fully.

A Life Well Lived

2011-04-18T08:26:00.000-04:00

I read an article recently where they described the life of a well known author as a live 'well-lived'. That descriptive phrase stuck with me and I have to admit that I have been mulling it over for a number of weeks. In the end, I am still left with the question... What does a life well-lived look like?

Granted, we likely are all going to have our own highly individualized interpretations of what a life well-lived will mean to us. This is as it should be because, in the end, it is our life! However, I would hazard a guess that there are few of us that would look at a 60+ hour work week, spent pushing through someone else's projects and initiatives, with our off hours attached to the office through all of the devices that were supposed to save us time.. as indicative of the good life!

Instead, many find themselves living lives of quiet and consuming frustration, working consistently long hours, at a job they hate, to buy things they don't need, in order to impress people they don't like. A life well-lived? I think not!

Instead... we need to take back control and design our own lives. Leaving it up to someone else simply means we spend our time fulfilling their needs and wants, never our own. As for leaving our lives and careers in the hands of a corporation... well... let's face it. Even the best intentioned companies want the most out of you that they possibly can.

The Work...

To start... write your definition. What does a life well-lived look like to you? Imagine it, then describe it.

Now... weigh your existing 'life' against it. There are likely gaps, things you aren't doing and things you're doing too much of. Did you have words like I couldn't, I shouldn't coming to mind? Those are key trigger words for Fear. Fear of trying something new, fear of failing, fear of embarassment, fear of ... something. In order to live that life you imagined, it will be necessary to fight through that fear, to push beyond it. The good news though... you don't need to push through in one giant leap.

Consider what small changes and steps you could make now that would move you closer toward truly living within the life you have, the life you've been given. Begin taking control and consciously crafting a life of your choosing. With list in hand... pick one action step that you can do now and... do it!

As for my definition of a life well-lived? I've always been partial to the vision in my mind stimulated by the following description I once read somewhere (sorry, I don't know who to credit for this and I am paraphrasing...)

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO- HOO what a ride!"

That's my vision. What's yours?

The Power of Words...

2011-04-13T17:05:00.000-04:00

Enough said.

When Ideas Have Sex...

2011-04-11T07:34:00.002-04:00

Catchy title, which is perhaps why I watched the TED Talk by author Matt Ridley. Most of you know by now that I love TED. I love the concept of sharing ideas and concepts through a medium that spans the globe. I find myself watching talks on subjects that I might not have otherwise have known. I often find that a talk with no obvious link back to me or my work, seems to flick a switch somewhere in my brain that has me thinking in a totally new direction, developing a perspective for a client that resonates for them, but that I wouldn't have been able to explain to them previously.

It's this exchange of ideas that Matt Ridley discusses in his TED talk. We all know the phenomenon of brainstorming in a group...everyone spring boarding off of each other's ideas until the final generation of ideas and solutions exceed what any one member would likely have developed on their own. Certainly, the ideas are born faster. Ridley shares... "the engine of human progress and prosperity has been, and is, ideas having sex with each other".

It's the interchange of ideas, the meeting and mating of ideas that often gives birth to fresh, innovative thinking. In turn, it's this kind of thinking that raises the bar, that allows us to progress, develop and to prosper. Certainly we have seen evidence of this over the course of the development of civilization.

How might this be relevant to you and your personal growth? Ahhh, and here we come to...

The Work:

It really comes down to your investment in yourself, time that you invest in exposing yourself to new ideas, thoughts, and ways of thinking. Thanks to today's technological advances, exposing yourself to new concepts, theories and research is easier than ever.

Consider the people that you surround yourself with. Are they interested in learning new things? Do they have diverse interests? If so, catching up with them and what interesting new things they have been reading or discovering may be all it takes.
Create a 'learning' group. A client recently started their own lunchtime group of 'Intellectual Explorers'. They meet for lunch once every two weeks. Each has five minutes to share information on their latest discovery, the idea/concept that has peaked their interest the most, that has spurred their thinking in new ways. He says that the idea of the group has taken off such that they have had to turn away new members, because they don't want to grow too large. Instead, they have helped a second group form.
Read. This needn't be dusty old encyclopedias, but consider subscribing to various blogs. Find out who some of the 'best' people are in a number of fields of interest and keep up with what they have to say. Check out some of the web magazines. I personally have a number of them delivered to my inbox weekly, allowing me to scroll through quickly. Usually I find some interesting tidbit that seems to fit perfectly into a puzzle I'm currently working on!
Video. You know already that I love TED for being exposed to new ideas. I don't know when I'll ever need to know that they train rats to sniff out bombs but... it was a REALLY fascinating talk. I swear!
Google alerts. If you're looking to keep up with the latest news and developments on a specific subject, consider setting up a google alert and have google regularly search out the latest postings on the web for you, delivering that summary to you daily, weekly or monthly. No need to search for information, you can have google do it for you and deliver it right to your in-basket!

It's not necessary to spend hours a day engaged in 'learning' research! Instead, it's about exposure. Set up systems, that work for you, that introduce you to new thoughts, theories, the latest thinking on a variety of subjects. It's the exposure to these concepts that serves to fertilize existing thoughts, enabling new ideas to be born.

Increase your Success... By Embracing your Discomfort

2011-04-04T10:03:00.002-04:00

We all have our favourite pair of jeans. They are likely a little worn in spots, have that stain on the knee from that amazing catch you made in a pick up game with friends...but you love them in spite of, if not because of, it all. In short, they're your favourites because they are comfortable, they fit just right.

When those jeans no longer are as comfortable for us to wear though, we are spurred to take action. Perhaps those worn areas have finally given way, in less than strategically placed locations! If so, we are pushed toward buying a new pair and beginning the process of breaking them in to rediscover our comfort zone. Perhaps those jeans are beginning to feel a little too snug and we are motivated to cut down a little on the lattes and late night snacking to refind our comfort point again.

In either event, it is our discomfort that spurs us to take action. As long as we are comfortable with where we are, who we are, what we have...we tend to drift along, becoming complacent with our achievements to date. However, if we want more or other for ourselves, we need to become uncomfortable. It is our dissatisfaction that drives change and creates growth.

The thought for this blog came to me when I was reading a line from one of Kevin Hogan's (http://www.kevinhogan.com/) articles, in which he said...

Where things go wrong is at the intersection of you and your discomfort

The point he was making is that at every point of discomfort, we have a choice to make. We can either choose to ignore the discomfort and slip back into the cocoon of our comfort zone, or we can choose to push through our discomfort, to use it to grow beyond where we once were. Our discomfort therefore represents a pivotal moment of choice for us and it's important that we recognise it as such.

If we leave such choices to our unconscious, we are likely to choose the known over the unknown, the comfortable over the uncomfortable, the old over the new...every time! If we give in to the lure of the comfortable though, we will fail to experience all of the success we are capable of. We are unlikely to ever fulfill our potential.

The Work:

Consider an area of your life that you are uncomfortable with, something that is 'less than' what you want for yourself. Take a few moments to really explore (and record) how you feel about this lack. The stronger your discomfort, the more you will be able to use this discomfort and dissatisfaction to push you forward, so really get in touch with how you feel about this area.

Now jot down exactly what you want instead. Fill in as much detail as you can about it. The clearer you are about what your 'different' will look like, the easier it will be for you to define action steps to take you there.

And...that becomes step three. Create a list of action steps that you could take to move you away from your current state and move toward your desired state. Large, small...it doesn't matter, list any and all actions that would help make what you want a reality.

Do one. Now. This is your pivotal moment. All of the thinking and planning mean nothing without action. Even one small, seemingly inconsequential step helps to shift your mindset away from 'comfort' and establishes the change mindset. You are more likely to continue down the path of change once you have put even one foot in that direction.

Do another one! Repeat this step over and over until you are done! There is no Magic formula in achieving what you want in life. It take three simple little things.

You must be able to articulate what you want.
You must take steps toward achieving it.
You must keep going until you have it.

That's it. Now...get to it!

How to get the Most out of Training Sessions

2011-03-28T07:40:00.002-04:00

I have often heard people criticizing training events they have attended, claiming that they didn't get anything useful or of value from it. Although it may very well be that their particular event was poorly run, it may also be that they did not do what they needed in order to 'get' something from it. I truly believe that all training events (even bad ones!) will provide you with the opportunity to learn. However, you need to assume some responsibility for that learning process.

The model pictured here is one I developed to help participants get the most out of their next training event. Perhaps it will prove useful to you...

L - Learn

Be clear about your objectives for attending. Often, people attend a training event without a clear idea of what they want or expect to get out of it. As a result, they typically receive very little benefit. This is an investment of your time, if not your money! Ultimately, you are responsible for your own training. The clearer you are about what you want to achieve, the more likely you are to find it.

E - Engage

Participate and engage fully! This makes the material more memorable and helps maintain your energy and focus. You will only get out of the session what you put in. If you are not mentally present to the messages being delivered, you will not connect with the information or its potential for you.

A - Attitude

Maintain an open mind and positive attitude. This leaves you open to discovering new ideas and concepts that will likely take you beyond your initial objectives, enabling you to obtain more than initially envisioned from the training.

R - Retention

Take copious notes! You will never remember it all and you don't yet know what information will prove useful to you in the future. The very act of engaging with the material through note-taking also helps to strengthen your connection with it and your remembrance of it.

N - Network

Network with the other participants to take advantage of the full collective wisdom gathered together.

Influence Guru... Kevin Hogan

2011-03-22T22:28:00.003-04:00

I admit openly, here and now to a deep, dark secret... I cyber-stalk people. Yep... I avidly follow their newsletters, blogs and postings. This is an exclusive club though, not just anyone is worthy of my time and attention! Heading my list of stalk-worthy folks for years has been Influence and Persuasion guru Kevin Hogan. Author of the best-selling book... The Psychology of Persuasion: How to Persuade Others to Your Way of Thinking and 16 other books, Kevin is the definitive source for information on Influence, Persuasion, Body Language, Covert Hypnosis...

I recently took advantage of a break in my schedule (okay... so I blocked off the time!), and stepped out of the anonymity of the internet and instead went to meet my hero live at a 4-day Influence BootCamp he was hosting. I have to admit to some concern that my 'hero' would prove to be something other than (if not less than) I had hoped but... he was amazing!!! Down to earth, natural, giving and generous, Kevin shared more information than it was possible to record... and we have follow up webinars still ahead of us because he didn't feel that he fit everything he wated to share into the 4 days!!

Certainly any of you that participate in my training or coaching programs will have the benefit of this time I spent with Kevin and the rest of the BootCamp crew, but you needn't feel you have to wait for those! Kevin has numerous programs, as well as his books, that you can access on his website, along with his free newsletter - Coffee with Kevin Hogan (which I avidly read!)

I had him on my recommended list long before I had the opportunity to experience him 'live'... now he heads the list. Check him out yourself at...

http://www.kevinhogan.com/

Personal Power: Tapping into Yours

2011-03-21T08:00:00.001-04:00

Understanding the Principles behind the concept of Personal Power, along with your sources of power, are important contributors to your achieving what you want in life. It is often through our sense of powerless in situations that we undermine our belief in ourselves, leading us to work in ways that support others, not ourselves. Reconnecting with our power-base allows us to begin making decisions and taking actions that are in alignment with our interests and goals, leading to greater success and happiness.

First, it's important to understand that we have a number of sources of power, the first of which is the most important - know who you are. Understanding what your values are, what really matters to you, will go a long way toward allowing you to make decisions and choices that uphold them. Without this understanding you will be more easily swayed by others' wants and needs, often pulling you further and further from your own desires.

Additional sources of power include:

Positional power - the role you currently hold will carry with it a certain amount of power. The actual amount is very situationally driven and is also dependent upon who you are interacting with. Your positional power is also driven in part by how visible you are and even what your degree of influence is over the decision makers.

Expertise power - knowledge holds power. If you know something the other party doesn't, and it is deemed important, then you have power in that exchange of information. This does not mean that you should not share your knowledge and expertise with others, but rather recognize the influential impact sharing that information has in building your power base with them.

Connection power - this is the power of your network! Everyone has likely been telling you for years that networking is important but, short of needing it to tap into for a job search, we don't typically assign much value to it. However, if you know someone that would be important for someone else to connect with or through, this has a true perceived value to them and therefore represents a great base of power for you.

Achievement power - they may say that you are only as good as your last win, but don't overlook the fact that those wins carry a cache and do represent a source of power for you. The more 'wins' you've enjoyed the more power you have. This is another good reason why learning to 'toot your own horn' is a positive skill to cultivate. It never hurts to remind people, however gently and subtly, just how valuable you are!

Referential power -This source of power is typically referred to as charisma. Although it may often seem unquantifiable, it has a definite and powerful impact on others and therefore represents an important source of your personal power.

Attractiveness power - although we don't typically want to acknowledge this one, it is true nonetheless (and research supports it!). The more attributes you possess (even physical ones) that others find appealing, the more power, leverage and influence you have over them.

The Work:

Before entering into an exchange with someone, especially those interactions that you know will be difficult, spend a few moments in assessing the status of your sources of power relative to the other party involved. It is likely you will determine that you have more power in the situation than you first thought or felt. Often, spending this time to more honestly evaluate your base of power in the situation helps you to enter the exchange with a greater degree of confidence which, in turn, increases the odds of a positive and successful outcome for you.

The Secret to Being Extraordinary

2011-03-14T08:36:00.003-04:00

I do a fair bit of Personal Branding work with my clients, helping them to not only determine what their Brand is but to refine their delivery of that brand through their actions, presence and results. When asked to define either how they are currently seen or how they would like to be seen few, if any, have ever used the word 'Extraordinary'.

Think about this for a moment though. Wouldn't we all like to be thought of as extraordinary, as special, as unique, as better than, well...Ordinary? How many of us would consciously choose a Brand that defines us as 'ordinary'? Yet, as we shy away from selecting the moniker of Extraordinary, that may be just what we are doing.

Really, the only difference between ordinary and extraordinary is the 'extra'. To set ourselves apart from the ordinary, to be extraordinarily good at something, all that we need to do is a little bit more than the next guy, to deliver something extra. Think about this for a moment. How hard would it be, over the course of your work day, over the duration of a project, to give just that little bit more?

Many make the mistake of believing that extraordinary requires some super-special skills or talents, typically reserved for the precious few. In so believing we put the possibility of extraordinary out of our reach, making it appear unobtainable. We therefore create the very excuse that prevents us from striving, from trying. How much more liberating though to realize that extraordinary doesn't require anything beyond what you already possess. It just requires more of it! To stand out from the crowd you need only do what you are already doing, and something extra.

The more fully you embrace this principle of the value of 'extra', of doing just that one thing more, the sooner you will begin to reap the benefits yourself. That little bit extra is all it takes to move you from ordinary to "Extra"-Ordinary.

Go out and make this an Extraordinary day!

Frenemies: Are your Friends Sabotaging your Success?

2011-03-07T13:01:00.003-05:00

As the song goes... You've got to have friends. As with most other things in life though, not all friends are created equal!

Most of us would consider a friend to be someone we share similar interests with and enjoy spending time with. A true friend though goes beyond this. A true friend is someone that is there to help support you through those difficult life moments and that is there to help you celebrate the joyous ones. They encourage you to strive for more, taking personal pleasure from your successes.

Why then would a friend, especially a 'true' friend, not want to see you succeed or, perhaps more importantly, why might they even work against your success? Research into what Influences the goals of others offers these possible explanations:

Others may have a strong vested interest in you remaining where you are, in maintaining the status quo. Just as we maintain our relationships with others because we 'get' something from them, so too do others have a motivation for remaining friends with us. However, sometimes those motivators require us to remain where we are in order to support (or enhance) their sense of self. In short... Sometimes they feel better about themselves through their comparison to us, on some dimension. If we shift that dimension then it might require them to rethink themselves. If this is undesirable to them then they will do what they can, whether consciously or unconsciously, to prevent us from changing.

Your goal may run counter to their goals for themselves, or possibly even their goals for you. We may see this behaviour from a parent who dissuades their child from choosing a particular career path because it runs counter to the parent's desired career for them. We see this also in friends who have a perspective on what is 'right' for us and who want to save us from making a mistake. Although this may be their conscious motivation, unconsciously their arguments may be driven more by the fact that our goal wouldn't fit well into their plans than because it isn't the right path for us to follow.

We are influenced by some of the smallest, subtlest most unlikely things every day, each having an impact upon how we view ourselves and the world around us. Most of these influencers occur at the unconscious level, making it extremely difficult, if not nigh on impossible, to mitigate the damage. Instead of trying to control the impact of these messages, look to control the environment and the messages themselves.

The Work:

Take a close look at your circle of friends, the people that you spend the most time with. How would you characterize the nature of their involvement with you? Is their influence predominantly positive or negative in nature? Are they quick to work to support your new idea or be the first to tell you why it won't work, why you couldn't possibly succeed? A good possible indicator is to ask yourself whether you look forward to seeing a particular person or whether you consider it more of a 'chore'.

Here comes the hard part... If they fall more on the negative side of the equation, consider why they are in your life, why you continue to allow them to negatively impact your goals, successes, and vision of yourself. If you continue to be friends, then it must be because you are getting something from the relationship that you need...

Perhaps you are unconsciously afraid of taking that next step and their lack of support and/or criticism of the plan gives you the justification you need not to 'try'
Maybe you harbour limiting beliefs about yourself and your abilities that their feedback feeds into
Perhaps you don't feel you are deserving of anything more in your life and they help reinforce that, somehow making 'not' striving for more feel okay
Maybe you are afraid of confrontation and are hesitant to let them know that until their attitude shifts the two of you can no longer spend time together

Whether your reason for keeping these people in your life is one of the above, or one of your own, the time has come to decide whether their value to you and your life path has reached it's zenith...and let them go.

Instead,consciously surround yourself with others that psychologically support and push your dreams and goals, people that actively and genuinely want the best for you. When times get tough you want people around you that will help shore you up and weather through. Always bear in mind that we want quality friendships, not quantity! If your relationships don't positively serve you in some way then direct your efforts to finding ones that do because, in the end, that"s what friends are for!

The importance of Pre-suasion before Persuasion

2011-02-28T07:24:00.001-05:00

Robert Cialdini, one of the top experts on the art of Persuasion, recently wrote about the importance of a concept that he calls Pre-suasion. Pre-suasion includes all of the actions you engage in that precede your actual persuasion attempt.

According to Cialdini, all of the true masters at persuasion (those who are effective at getting others to comply with their requests) are those that spend more time on 'what' they do prior to making their requests. These masters create a psychological context, an environment, in which people are interested in hearing what they have to say. As a result, others are more predisposed and willing to support any requested actions. In essence, persuasion masters create a psychological state in which people are receptive to their message.

In general, if you have a good case to present or story to tell, you need to ensure that people are prepared to hear it. That is what Pre-suasion does for you. It sets the stage, heightening the effectiveness of your persuasion attempt. Two primary elements that are part of the Pre-suasion process are; the need to create positive relationships and the need to establish your credibility.

Creating Positive Relationships
In building more positive relationships, as part of the Pre-suasion process, you need to ensure that you focus time and attention on the other party. People get very tired, very quickly, of a relationship that is all one-sided. Showing a sincere interest in others, helping them to achieve some of their goals and desires, will predispose them to want to reciprocate and help you in future. If you want them to treat your future persuasion attempts with respect start by giving them their due and listening with respect to their requests.

Build Credibility
To create and build your credibility, you need to consider the interaction between four key elements.

What is the level of integrity that you bring to your interactions? Bear in mind that the consistency of your actions across circumstances counts. If you mislead a customer to make a sale you can't be surprised when coworkers believe you may also mislead them to get what you want.
What is your personal agenda for the interaction? Let's face facts here... my perception of your motives will always influence how 'genuine' I find your actions and behaviors.
How relevant are your capabilities and skills, as they pertain to the issue at hand? Your perceived level of experience and expertise will go a long way toward establishing your credibility in any situation. This is why self-marketing is such an important skill to cultivate. The more people who know what your talents and skills are, the broader your credibility and the more effective your influence attempts.
What have your accomplishments been to-date? Obviously, your results, both past and current, count toward establishing your credibility. You've got to deliver to be believed.

Few of us are in the position of not having to get work done with and through others. Therefore, the ease and effectiveness with which we are able to do just that - work through others - will greatly enhance our accomplishments and success. At the end of the day, how you treat people today will determine the effectiveness of your persuasion attempts of tomorrow.

Just Do It!

2011-02-21T09:07:00.002-05:00

Yep... I'm 'borrowing' a slogan made famous by Nike but... with good intent and purpose. Nike's 'Just Do It!' slogan is over 20 years old and still going strong. Its longevity and appeal is largely due to the strength of those three words in conjuring up (for Nike) images of lacing on your runners, jumping on a bike, picking up your racket. In short, those three words, when placed together, become a call to Action. And for Nike, action is their business.

For each of us though, those magical three little words also have power. Used together they speak of Attitude and Action. It's a determination to go out and make things happen. When coaching, I often run into clients that are 'stuck' in a cycle of inaction. They don't have clarity over knowing exactly what they want to be, do or have in their lives and they therefore feel directionless. 'Without a direction or goal, how can I move forward?' one client questioned me.

Yes, most self-improvement books and guides are going to counsel you to uncover your passion, define your life goal and then go for it. However, sometimes we struggle with trying to feel 'passionate' about anything. The biggest feelings we have are depression over NOT having a goal and fear that we might never discover something we are passionate about. These feelings can become overwhelming, leading to a cycle of inaction. The belief that we are all meant to do 'one' thing with our lives can be a huge barrier to forward momentum if you can't seem to uncover what the heck it is!

Some people are lucky enough to just seem to know what they were meant to do with their lives. Often they are clear about this from an early age. For most of us though (me included!) much of our lives have been a journey of self-discovery. Each new awareness has uncovered a greater understanding of our skills, abilities and interests, in turn opening new doors to us. I could never have envisioned running my own business when I was 20... I didn't have the confidence or skills to do it back then. My lack of belief in my abilities would never have allowed me to 'dream' that big. However, other actions and wins opened me to the possibility, such that I now successfully own and operate two full-time businesses and am actually considering a third!

Additionally, each of my existing businesses is in a completely different field. I find that I never seem to have just one interest... I always have multiples, and am constantly uncovering new ones! Could I have been more successful, by other people's standards, had I stayed with 'one'? Perhaps. Would I have been having as much fun? No way! My path is perhaps different from some, but the route will be similar to the one many need to take.

If you know you want 'different' in your life but you are unable to articulate the end goal then don't despair. It will reveal itself to you, but in its own time. Instead of sitting back and getting depressed waiting for 'it' to happen though, you need to take steps toward finding and uncovering it. You know that doing nothing is not likely to create or drive the change you want. In essence then, any action is better than no action. This is where Nike comes in. Just Do It! Do something! Even if it is the wrong thing, it has gotten you off of the couch, shifted you out of feeling stuck and into feeling like you have control. That small step - in any direction - at least drove some kind of change.

When Edison was trying to discover the lightbulb, he had over 2,000 failed experiments before determining that Tungsten was the element needed. When asked to comment about his failures, Edison said that he hadn't experienced any failures, he had simply crossed off 2,000 options on his way to determining the correct one. The learning is in the doing. Trying something, even if it is not the 'right' thing, can give you information you lack now that will help lead you toward your 'right' thing. Often we need the life-lessons we get through experimentation, through trial-and-error, that better prepare us for ultimate success.

The Work:

So... get out your pad of paper.
Write down, very clearly, what your particular dilemma or roadblock is.
What are your options?
Which one of the the options are you feeling a stronger leaning toward? We're not concerned about whether we'd label it 'passion' or not. Rather, which option has a slightly greater appeal to you right now, in this moment. Define why.
You probably have a host of reasons as to 'why' you can't or aren't already following this path. I don't want a list of them. They are irrelevant. Instead, I want you to create a list of actions that you 'can' do to move this option forward. However small, it goes on your list. These actions may not be the biggest or best way to make this goal happen, but they are actions and they will help you to test the waters. If your inaction has been driven by an inability to commit fully to a particular direction, then simply create some smaller action steps. What steps could you take that enable you to move forward along this path without having to commit all of your resources to its achievement? Do one. Do another.
Assess the results of these action steps. How are you feeling? Are you feeling a little more excited and invested in this option? Then keep the momentum going and do more! Are you finding that you are discovering that this was perhaps not the right path for you to take? Then go back and assess your other options. Are there others you would now add? (often taking some steps in one direction help us to learn more and to uncover options we wouldn't have known about otherwise) Once you've expanded your options (if need be) determine which option you are now feeling stronger about and begin the process again.

I liken this process to 'dating'. You wouldn't marry someone you have never dated, why feel you have to commit to an idea you have never explored or checked out? In essence then, the idea is for you to 'date' an idea for a while, check it out, to decide if it is right for you. The key is to remember that nothing in your life will be different if you don't do something different. In the end, action of some kind will get you out of your rut. In the immortal words of Nike... Just Do It!

Secrets to Great Presentations... The Steve Jobs Way

2011-02-14T08:24:00.003-05:00

I just bought an iPad, so forgive me if I am in a 'Mac' frame of mind. My purchases aside though, I am a big fan of Steve Jobs and, in particular, his presentation style. His presentations are everything that a truly great presentation should be. They are impactful, memorable and motivating. What then can we learn from the likes of Steve Jobs to help our presentations stand out?

Stop thinking of your presentations as simply an opportunity to share information, considering them instead as an opportunity to transform. A chance to create and drive change. Start by thinking about what the true desired take-away message is for your audience and build the presentation out and around it.
Having established clearly what your key message is, create your story. All presentations should have a clear, compelling message. Know what yours is and let it take center stage.
If your topic lends itself to it... Introduce a villain. Every great story has a great villain, an antagonist (problem) that unites your audience against a common element. A villain will always serve as your 'why' for your product or service.
Be passionate about what you are sharing, not just with your words but with your delivery style as well. If you are not passionate about your story/topic... Why would your audience be?
Make sure your message is sticky, that it is memorable. Use short and concise phrasing and even take a few lessons from the marketing department to help your message stand out. A few ideas? Use repetition, the Power of 3 (easy for the mind to picture and remember groups of 3 ideas), use Twitter-like headlines, use alliteration, use pictures and word images, create a memorable catch-phrase that captures the essence of your message.
Eliminate your dependence on bullet points. Text is generally the least effective way to deliver information -if you want it remembered and acted upon. Instead, use visual elements to connect with and engage your audience... To inspire.
Consider giving your audience a 'bonus' of some kind at the end of your presentation. Steve Jobs always concluded with his famous..."and one more thing...". What could you do or offer that ends your presentation cleanly, clearly and memorably?

If you're still not too sure how these points would play out over the course of an actual presentation then hop on over to You Tube, type in a search for Steve Jobs and watch how a master does it! It is never a bad thing to learn by example and I can't think of a better example for you to follow!

Our Value Attribution

2011-02-07T07:55:00.001-05:00

We all have heard, and been told, that the first impression we make upon others is incredibly important. Recent research is now showing that our first impression is not only important in how others view us in the short term, but in the long term as well.

It seems that once we form a first impression surrounding the perceived value of something or someone, the Value Attribution, it is difficult to shift the perception, regardless of the actual performance of the product or person. Hmmm.... this means that once we have ascribed a certain value to something/someone, we rarely shift that perception, even in the face of contrary facts. If we have determined that product X is amazing... even though it doesn't prove to perform amazingly well in actual use, we are likely to continue to frame our experiences with the product in terms of how amazing it is, not relative to how it failed to meet our expectations.

In the book 'Sway: the Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior', authors Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman took a look at NBA draft picks. Those chosen during the first round of picks, the early draft picks, had a perceived higher Value Attribution. Because they were chosen early, they were perceived to be players that were 'better' and were likely to get snatched up quickly by others. Therefore, their perceived value was higher. As a result, they got more play time, more media attention, etc. This all fits with the belief that the early picks are the better players.

What doesn't fit with this though were the perceptions that persisted, even in the face of actual performance statistics. What the Brafmans determined was that the initial impression, the Value Attribution, of each player - which was created by being an early or late draft pick - stayed with a player for almost 5 years, despite their actual performance on the court. The first impression set the perceived value bar and determined the future way in which we interpreted their performance and behaviour.

We have always been told that our first impressions are important, but these findings would imply that our first impressions are even more critically important to us and our careers than we might have previously believed. If someone's first impression of us will serve to colour their ongoing perception of our performance and value, then we better get it right the first time. We no longer can afford to leave those critical first few moments to chance!

In Executive Presence, Personal Branding and Impression Management seminars I have always emphasized the need to ensure that we use those first few moments to our advantage, helping to set the stage for how people will view us. Never has this been more important than in today's overly competitive marketplace. Couple this with people's seemingly shortened attention spans and the weighting on those first moments rises exponentially.

There are few times in your life when it isn't too melodramatic to say your destiny hangs on the impression you make. Barbara Walters

The Work:

1. Be clear about your message. Who are you? What do you represent? You cannot be all things to all people so it is in your best interest to ensure that you represent what matters to you. You must start with your message, the one that speaks to your authentic self. Don't muddy the waters by trying to be what you believe others want to see. If you are going to be 'labelled' in the minds of others, make sure it is with the label that you are handing to them.

2. Conduct a Self-Evaluation. Once you are clear about your personal message (consider this your Brand), it is necessary to evaluate how well you represent this. Consider what behaviours would exemplify these messages and determine whether this is true of how you typically behave. Videotape yourself and assess whether how you move, speak and sound help sell this message - or something different.

3. Action Steps. You likely have identified some gaps in number 2 above, areas in which there is some dissonance between how you are currently coming across and the branded message that you desire. Take a moment to evaluate why. One possible cause for a gap could rest in the brand you have established. Ensure that it is truly reflective of what matters to you most and not of the brand that you expect others would want or prefer. If the branded message is fine, then determine what behaviours are out of sinc with this brand and list them. Consider which seems to be the biggest detractor from your desired Brand and start with it. How might you 'do' different around this message? What behaviours should you adopt, stop or modify? Are there aspects of your voice or body movement that need to be modified to help you live to this message more believably and consistently?

We all have value. Everyone. The trick to creating a strong first impression is being honest enough with ourselves to discover what our true personal value is and confident enough to share it with others.

Position yourself for Promotion

2011-01-31T08:11:00.006-05:00

It's not enough to be the best at what you do; you must be perceived as the only one who does what you do. Jerry Garcia

I work quite often with clients of various outplacement agencies. I also help coach people who are actively looking for work. The one thing that I consistently hear is that the 'competition is fierce out there'. This is a lesson they are experiencing now and learning how to combat, learning how to position themselves more favourably in this competitive environment. However, what about those of you that aren't looking, that currently have a job?

In today's marketplace you can't afford to be complacent. You need to be actively and consciously managing your career. Your boss is far too busy to do it for you. You want that next project to manage? You want the 'big' promotion? Take a lesson from big corporations and begin to think strategically about how you are positioning yourself relative to your competition.

You're likely not alone in your desire and bid for 'more'. The person standing next to you in the coffee line wants that new project or role too. How then are you going to ensure that you are seen clearly as a contendor? One strategy of self-marketing is to learn to differentiate yourself from the competition, to ensure that you stand out from the crowd. Follow the exercise below to determine how you might best serve yourself and your career by taking a closer look at those you are competing against.

The Work:

1. Determine who your competition is. Before you can build any strategies you need to be clear on exactly who you are likely to be competing against for the next big opportunity. Then... create a list of everything you know about them. Their background, experience, skills, strengths and weaknesses. Really take the time to get to know your competition. Start with what you know and then access other resources to find out more. Don't forget to 'google' them, and don't overlook checking out the various social media sites.

2. Compare and Contrast. Compare your skills and strengths against theirs. The easiest way is to create a chart. This allows you to view a number of competitors simultaneously. In conducting your comparison, pay close attention to three things..

What do they do well?
What do they 'have' that you do not?
Where do they fall short, relative to you?

3. Review. Using your chart and your responses to the questions above as a guide. Consider what your key differentiators are. What do you bring to the table that they don't. You now know enough about the competition to determine how you stand out - or could - in the perceptions of your market.

4. Take Action. Develop actionable strategies for promoting and positioning yourself based on these differentiators. How are you going to get this message across to others? What behaviours do you need to engage in to highlight and demonstrate these differentiators? What values support them?

5. Be Proactive. Don't fail to overlook any distinctive gaps that may exist between you and the competition, what they have that you are missing. The first step is certainly to focus on your differentiators, to ensure that you stand out from the crowd. But... longer term... work to fill in any gaps in your background and experience. Doing so eliminates their potential differentiators, ensuring that you are the only person at the table representing 'more'.

Re-learning the value of Awesome!

2011-01-24T09:00:00.002-05:00

Just a small little post today, in an effort for us to start off this year remembering to give thanks to many of the small, seemingly inconsequentially positive things that might happen to us over the course of our day. It's all too easy to find the negative, or to have others point it out for you should you have missed it (god forbid!), but it's often difficult to recognise the small moments, those fleeting, tiny, positive moments that can make life so sweet and put us back in touch with ourselves and what really matters

This is the basis for Neil Pasricha's award-winning website http://www.1000awesomethings.com/ and the associated bestseller - The Book of Awesome. In an effort to refocus himself during some difficult times in his life, Neil began his Awesome blog... simply to remind himself to be more mindful of the good things he had in his life, rather than only focusing on the bad. His posts resonated with readers and went viral! Why do we celebrate only the big positive moments in our lives, rather than celebrating all of the small, feel-good moments we experience? Failing to do so means that they often slip by us without an impact, not awakening us to the myriad number of moments in our day that we could be experiencing some joy.

Awaken your inner 3-year old, the part of you that felt joy and wonder in experiencing things for the first time. Let your heart lead you.

The Work:

Create an ongoing Awesome List of your own. At the end of each day add to it at least one new moment you experienced that day that brought you some joy. Remember... they needn't be huge, but they do need to be heartfelt. You may find it difficult to start but will likely get better at recognising these moments each day and may be hard pressed not to jot down a number of them each day.

Some of my recent moments?

the sigh of pleasure in taking my first sip of Chai latte each morning. Heaven!
the first night sleeping in clean, crisp new sheets
the purity of looking out at fresh, newly fallen snow - before anyone has walked on it - as it blankets the lawns and roads, coats the trees. It makes even the drabbest of views look cleansed and magical
the smell of a freshly sharpened pencil (yep, likely this is just a 'me' thing, but I love the smell and prefer regular old pencils to mechanical ones just for this moment!)
the unmitigated pleasure of eating... Jello. Sucking it off the spoon through your lips, squirting it through your teeth, rolling it on your tongue. Instant childhood!
the moment when someone stops their car to create a break in traffic for me to cross the road to the park with my dog in the morning, rather than leaving me to stand there forever waiting to get across. I love this person!
that very first moment when the seat warmer in my car kicks into gear, taking the chill out of my leather seats. Blesses upon the person who first thought of installing this into cars. Indebted forever to you!

What's your list? Don't hesitate to put down anything that comes to mind, that makes you more appreciative of who you are, what you have, what you do... that makes your life special and... well... Awesome!

Women in Business: We're a 'Sorry' Lot!

2011-01-17T08:23:00.001-05:00

John arrives 10 minutes late for a meeting. He enters the room, quietly finds a seat and sits down.

Carol arrives a minute later, entering the room saying..."I'm sorry that I'm late. We woke up this morning to find that a water pipe had burst during the night... It was a mad scramble to get things under control, arrange for a plumber, get the kids off to school... All without water. Plus, traffic was worse since I left later than usual."

Women have a strong tendency to over-apologize. Not only do they apologize more than men do, they are much more detailed and verbal in their apologies, drawing more attention to the apology and the moment. In doing so, it will appear that the woman has more to be sorry for and will therefore receive more blame than do their male counterparts.

A recent study, conducted in 2010 by the University of Waterloo, found that men are just as willing as women to apologize for something they have done wrong. However, they feel that they have done something wrong far less often than do women, therefore apologizing far less. Additionally, women tend to use 'I'm sorry' to convey multiple meanings. It could...

Be used to express sympathy... I'm sorry for your loss...
Show empathy... I'm so sorry to hear that...
Soften a direct order... I'm sorry, but you'll need to redo this...
Be used in place of excuse me... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bump into you...

Men tend to take apologies at face value, assuming that if someone is apologizing then they have done something wrong. Why is this important for the workplace? If men think that you apologize only when you have done something wrong, then every time they hear a woman say 'sorry' they will assign fault to her. Their assumption... If she's sorry she must have done something wrong.
This seemingly small ritualistic use of the word sorry can then significantly impact a woman's brand and others' perception of her.

The Work:

Pay attention to just how often you use the phrase 'I'm sorry'. Consider if you were truly apologising for something and, if not, think of what you could have said instead. There will always be an appropriate, alternative way of saying what you had intended, one that does not carry any unintended blame with it. Try these different alternatives on for size, becoming more familiar and comfortable with them to ensure they come more readily to mind for the times and moments they are needed.

In the meantime, should you find yourself being driven crazy by how often you say I'm sorry, well... for that... I'm sorry!

Success Strategy - Applying Pareto's Principle

2011-01-10T07:22:00.014-05:00

You have likely heard of Pareto's Principle, also referred to as the 80/20 rule... which states that roughly 80% of the effects are derived from 20% of the causes. The principle is named after Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto who, in 1906, determined that roughly 80% of the land was owned by 20% of the population, that 80% of the peas in his garden were produced by 20% of his plants. In business, most widely accept that 80% of their sales come from 20% of their customers. However, how does this relate to us and our potential success?

Consider the following...

Many of us would love to be able to speak a second language, if not a third or fourth. However, it may often seem like a huge challenge, requiring years of effort to achieve. However, to be conversationally fluent in Spanish you would need to have a vocabulary of 2,500 of the high-frequency words. With these 2,500 words you would be able to understand 95% of all conversations. In order to get 98% comprehension, you would need roughly 5 years of study and tens of thousands of new words added to those core 2,500. To obtain 95% comprehension though, you would only need approximately 5 months of study.

5 months of study for 95% comprehension
5 years of study for 98% comprehension

If you want to pick up the basics of a foreign language, which method would you want to invest in? 2,500 words represents only 2.5% of all Spanish words. Therefore knowing only 2.5% of the total subject matter produces 95% of your desired results. This is the Pareto Principle.

Now consider this in light of the previous post in which we talked about the concept of 'good enough' as it relates to your potential success. How much effort and input is truly required for me to reap the benefits and rewards that I want and need? This is the key question we rarely take the time to ask ourselves and, as a result, end up either expending too much time and effort relative to the results achieved, or we fail to take action at all, believing ourselves unable (or unwilling) to invest the effort we believe is required.

Certainly there is a significant difference in the perceived effort required to learn Spanish between 5 months and 5 years. One's interest and commitment level certainly would need to be high to invest 5 years of study. The biggest barrier most clients erect to their taking action on a desired goal is the 'lack of time'. We only have so much time available to us each day, week and month with multiple demands for its use. All too often we look only toward increasing our time management skills through the use of more efficient 'systems' for organizing our activities. Instead, I invite you to be more strategic in the application of your time in the first place.

The Work:

If 80% of your results come from 20% of your efforts - you had better be very clear about what that 20% represents and ensure that your better-than-average efforts go here. For other areas apply the 'good-enough' principle! Less effort in these areas will not diminish your net results, in which case extra effort is a useless expenditure.
In any task consider which efforts contribute toward the final desired results. These are your core energy expenditures. Any other activities should be minimized, if not eliminated.
Consider also what your true end-goal is. We have the number 100% imprinted in our heads... we feel that we must do everything to 100%. However, it is not only not always a realistic goal, it is often not practical. If our goal is to be functionally bi-lingual in Spanish, then it does not require 100% comprehension. 5 months of study, netting us 95% comprehension is enough to have us up and running. Additional time and effort is required to take us to 100% but in no way is it needed for us to be successful. This extra time up front can save you significant time in the long run and have you enjoying your successes much sooner.
Adopt a selfish attitude when it comes to your time. Your time is finite. All too often we act and behave in ways that would indicate that our time is infinite and unimportant. However, it is a central component to our own success and needs to be treated as such. Therefore, ensure that you are not spending 80% of your time working to enhance someone else's success instead of your own. You need a clear vision of what you want to achieve and what actions are necessary to get there. 80% of your time (minimum) needs to be spent fulfilling these objectives.

As to methods, there may be a million and then some, but principles are few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Focus on Success, not Perfection

2011-01-04T08:44:00.008-05:00

Let's start off the New Year with the intention to be more successful, NOT to be perfect. Often it's the bid to be 'perfect' that creates the vision of the unachievable, an unobtainable goal that limits our success. Focusing instead on being more successful allows for even small achievements to count, each of which, when combined with other small gains, may serve to move us forward exponentially.

Making a conscious effort to be 'perfect' in everything we do can serve to delay, if not deter, us from achieving. The ideal of perfection is a near impossible standard to meet, considering we will almost always believe that we could have given or done more, if allotted more time, money, support, resources, education, etc. Who wouldn't agree that they couldn't have done 1% more?

That 1% is enough to keep you from earning the 'Perfect' title! It's enough to label your accomplishments 'less than perfect', if only to yourself. Many will find that they hesitate to take action, or even to try a new activity, when they know that their first efforts will likely fall short of that perfect mark. Thus, they have lost before they start. Not trying prevents them from learning and developing new skills, from moving forward through achieving even small wins and successes.

Airplanes are constantly flying ín error, having to readjust their heading constantly, to enable them to get where they want to go. In essence, they take action (set their direction), readjust their heading and take a new action (by setting a new heading), readjust. These continuous course corrections are needed to keep the plane moving in its desired direction. Effective and successful? Yes. Perfect? Hardly.

How many times have you seen someone receive accolades for a project that you felt fell short of your mark, your standards? Was it perfect? No. Was it 'good enough'? Judging by the feedback of others, absolutely. Take a moment to think about what 'good enough' bought them.

Likely the same recognition, rewards and reputation boost that you received from your last 'perfect' project
Less time spent on the completion of this current assignment that they were able to spend on completing other projects, or to focus on themselves, their family, their friends
Less stress,given they were not agonizing over the need to be perfect or to having to hand something over that they felt was less than perfect
They felt good about what they accomplished and were able to celebrate its 'successful' completion, rather than stressing over the elements they couldn't get to due to budget or time constraints.

In essence, letting go of the need for perfection frees you mentally, physically and emotionally... freeing you to accomplish more, to be and feel more successful.

The Work:

1. At the beginning of a new project, take a look at the goals and milestones you have established and define 'levels' of performance. If you have perfectionistic tendencies, you likely have already identified the 'ideal' for each milestone. Add to it defined performance levels that aren't perfect but that are sufficient to meet the needs and expectations of others. In essence, create a vision of the 'good enoughs'.

Establishing this 'good enough' level up front gives you a clear and okay fallback position for when time, money, people and life intervenes and makes the ideal a seemingly unobtainable goal. Setting that fallback position upfront gives you the permission to use it when required. Creating it later will always leave you feeling like you've failed.

2. Some clients find it helpful to view performance standards through someone else's eyes, using someone else's yardstick instead of their own perfectionistic one. You might use someone else's views to help you establish the 'good enough' mark, while your standards might establish the 'íf time permits' level of performance. If you find that you are uncomfortable with a 'good enough' goal that someone else establishes, then use it as a minimum level of achievement and set levels of performance in staged levels of achievement beyond this point. Good enough plus 10%, good enough plus 20%... You might then discover that you can feel pretty good at letting go of a project at 'good enough plus 15%', giving you a lot more flexibility than always having to achieve 50% more than everyone else in your bid to be perfect. What could you do with the gift of time that 35% represents?

This isn't settling folks, it's called being strategic. If putting an additional 35% of effort into something will not net you at least 35% more in gains, you are wasting your effort... which likely could net you additional gains by being applied elsewhere. Your time and effort are not limitless commodities. Learning to assign your efforts and time appropriately is what effective time management and ultimately, your success, is dependent upon. Our mantra for the New Year then? Success through Imperfection!

Visualize Your Way to Success

2010-12-27T10:00:00.002-05:00

We're moving into the New Year and, like many, you are likely beginning to think of what you want to achieve over the course of this brand-spanking new year! There may be some hesitation in creating this new vision for yourself though, given that you may not have managed to realize the goals that you set for yourself this past year. What can you do this year to make it better, to increase your odds of success? Take a lesson from professional athletes, sit back and 'visualize' your way to success!

If you can't picture what 'success' for you looks like, it you can't visualize (in detail) taking the steps needed to accomplish it, then you are missing out on a very powerful tool in helping you not only reach, but quite possibly exceed, your goals. Trust me on this - if you can't 'see' it, you likely will never achieve it. Our unconscious mind has difficulty in deciphering reality from fantasy. Therefore, it tends to try to deliver whatever images and scripts you feed it. The clearer the picture, the more successful.

Soviet sports scientists conducted a study on the effect of mental training and conditioning (which included visualization) on the performance of world-class athletes at the 1980 Olympics. They divided the athletes into four groups. Group 1 received 100% physical training and conditioning, Group 2 received 75% physical and 25% mental conditioning, Group 3 received 50% physical and 50% mental, while Group 4 received 25% physical and a whopping 75% mental conditioning.

Certainly, researchers were expecting the athletes receiving 100% of their training through physical conditioning to perform the best. However, they found instead that Group 4, those receiving the greatest level of mental conditioning, showed more improvement than Group 3, Group 3 showed more improvement than Group 2 and Group 2 showed more improvement than Group 1. Clearly then, the mental training and conditioning proved to be significantly more important to their overall success than physical conditioning alone.

In another experiment, researchers took a look at Basketball free-throws. The subjects were divided into three groups. Each was tested for their free-throw accuracy prior to beginning any conditioning. Group 1 physically practiced their free-throws for 20 days. Group 2 didn't practice in any way for the 20 days, while Group 3 spent 20 minutes per day visualizing themselves throwing free-throws successfully. The results? Group 1 improved their scoring by 24%. Group 2 (who had done nothing) showed no improvement. Group 3 - who had only visualized themselves throwing - improved by 23%. Mentally practicing their free-throws resulted in an almost identical level of performance improvement as had the physical practice.

Now imagine the results of combining the two - physical and mental practice. This is a Key Success Strategy. Consider now though, what messages are you replaying in your unconscious mind? Do you clearly see yourself succeeding at each task or do you visualize yourself failing, or messing up in some way? What are you programming your brain to live to? Our perceptions of what we can do, can be, can have... help to determine what we do, be, have in our lives.

If you can't imagine yourself wowing your audience, getting that promotion, making over $100,000 a year (or more!), then you likely won't. How often do you catch yourself starting sentences with... I'm not... I can't? Consider that each of these statements is sending a visual image of that failure to your unconscious mind, telling it that you should be less.

Andre Agassi, tennis great, once said he had won Wimbledon already 10,000 times, before ever actually competing in it, because he had visualized it over and over in his head since he was 5 years old. For him, winning Wimbledon in actuality was just a repetition of what he had already accomplished in his mind and knew he could do.

Your Assignment? (you knew this was coming!) What one 'thing' do you want to achieve, to do better? Craft your visualization. Make it as detailed as possible, adding more to it each time you walk through it. Add in as much texture (what can you feel, hear, see?) as you can. The more detailed, the more realistic, the more 'real', the more powerful. Run over the visualization until the script becomes as comfortable to you as putting on your favourite pair of jeans.

This Success Secret may just prove to be the key to unlocking potential that has been largely untapped, by breaking through hidden barriers and negative scripts, helping you to live more fully to your potential. Let's hear it for a New Year and a New Start!

Celebrate Good Times... Come On!!

2010-12-19T07:34:00.003-05:00

If you're like the rest of us, the Holidays are a crazy-busy time; rushing to finish those last projects at work, your gift shopping, wrapping, baking , attending the round of Holiday parties... the list can seem endless.

Before you get too caught up in the 'doing' for everyone else though... take a few moments for yourself. Grab a coffee (or, in my case, a tea!) a piece of paper and a pen, sit down, relax and reflect on the past year. We get so caught up in moving things forward, in continuing to make plans and goals for our future, that we often overlook taking the time to look back on everything we have achieved and to celebrate those successes.

The end of the year is a great time to take stock, to take a few moments to acknowledge that although there may still be outstanding items on your to-do list (as there always seems to be!), you have crossed many more items off of the list. On your piece of paper, I'd like you to begin creating a list of everything you achieved over the past year. Big, small... it doesn't matter. It all goes down.

Consider work. What were those special projects and assignments that you worked on. What new skills did you develop, new experiences did you have? What about your personal life? Any issues you finally managed to resolve, money saved, exercise programs started, weight loss goals reached, relationships built or strengthened, spiritual insights gained? Go through it all and keep writing! Don't qualify any, there is no room for thoughts of 'it's not big enough... or important enough'. This is your list, your life. If you did it, if you achieved it, write it down!

When the list is as complete as you can make it right now (and there should be at least 20 items there or you're being too critical!), read over each one, considering how you feel about the achievement. Does it instill you with pride? Do you get a warm feeling thinking about how much that action helped you grow, or perhaps benefited others? Revel in this feeling. Bask in it. Roll in it. Bathe in it. In short... CELEBRATE IT! Throw a party for one and, if you're really feeling good, invite others to share in your successes and perhaps help them to celebrate some of their own!

As you move into the New Year and begin to formulate thoughts and plans for the year ahead, I want you to keep this list close at hand, as a reminder of just how capable you are. Any time you find yourself thinking you're not up to a given task, pull this list out and read it over. It's filled with examples of times when you truly were 'enough'. Let your past accomplishments serve to inspire and motivate you to continue to grow and challenge yourself through the coming year.

Let me know how this exercise goes for you, what insights you gained, messages learned. Really want to take it a step further? Share a success story with us here and let us Celebrate with you!

Body Language - Is Yours Saying What You'd Like?

2010-12-06T07:50:00.002-05:00

We all know (or at least we all should know!) that we communicate messages to others through many non-verbal paths. The way we walk and gesture, how we hold our head, make eye contact and even our overall looks speak volumes to those around us. Are you making the most of these messages?

Like most of my clients you are likely leaving many of these elements to chance, failing to ensure that they strategically work to support your desired brand. In this article I want to give you a quick (believe me... this IS quick!) overview of four key body language elements that you should 'check out'.

1. Overall Physical Appearance. We don't generally speak about this... it's not 'politically correct' but... our perceived level of attractiveness by others has a significant impact on our progression and success. Research supports this... I'm just the messenger! In general, those considered more physically attractive are thought to be 'better' at what they do, get more positive recommendations and feedback, are seen as more persuasive and tend to earn substantially more. Sheesh! When it comes to our physical appearance there are changeable and unchangeable elements. In the end though, it truly means that we need to make the most of what we've been given to work with. Quick tips...

Hair. Make sure that it is cut into a current style (not one you've had for decades) and one that suits not just your face but the career role you're targeting
Teeth. This is an often overlooked aspect of your appearance, but is critical to how you're seen. Your smile is an important element in your ability to connect with and engage others. Make sure your teeth are clean, straight and white! If you're choosing not to smile because you don't like the look of your teeth... fix 'em!
Clothing. The biggest mistake that I find people making is wearing clothing that doesn't fit, often because they have gained or lost weight and haven't adjusted their clothing. Always ensure that your clothing fits the body you are currently residing in, not the one you used to or hope to have. It goes without saying that it should be current and clean!
Accessories. Ensure that all of your accessories (jewelry, watches, shoes, eyeglasses, briefcases, purses, overcoats etc.) are current and well cared for. They should be consistent with the overall message you are sending, not creating mixed messages.

One final positive note about appearance is the concept of Exposure. Research tells us that the more often you are seen by someone, the more attractive you will appear. Meaning... familiarity creates comfort. Generally, people will describe this as the impact of your 'personality' making you appear more attractive. Regardless, up your face value by putting it in front of people more often!

2. Posture. To display your confidence you must ensure that you engage in positive posture. You need not be ramrod straight, but you do need to elongate your spine upward and hold your head up and straight. Too many of us walk around in a continual slouch, whether through the shoulders or through a compression of the lower back and abdominal muscles. Both serve to soften your appearance, decrease your height, drop your energy level and rob you of perceived confidence. So... head up, shoulders back, eyes forward!

3. Eyes. Everything starts with the eyes and, in North America particularly, eye contact is an important projection of your confidence and self-esteem. In North America we know that people need eye contact about 70% of the time during their conversations, in order to feel engaged and understood. There are definitely differences amongst cultures and countries with respect to this though: research has found that African Americans tend to like more eye contact (upwards of 80%), while Asians typically like about 60%. In general though, when the other person is speaking, give them your full attention and eye contact. When you're speaking, you can break your eye contact periodically by glancing elsewhere to gather your thoughts.

4. Movement. To project confidence you will want your movements to be smooth, controlled and purposeful. In North America we do expect a certain amount of gesturing. It is seen as natural and therefore it can play a big role in helping others feel more comfortable with us. However, our gestures should work with and support the messages we are delivering, both about our content and ourselves. Try to avoid short, sharp, jerky movements which will either make you appear nervous and uncomfortable or angry. Keep your movements within the 'Clinton Box' - the 'Box' created by drawing a line from shoulder to shoulder and down to the waist. Staying within that box when gesturing (in small and mid-sized groups) will always appear appropriate. Finally, finish your gestures away from the body (moving hands out and away from the body rather than in toward the body). In doing so you will take up more space which will help you appear stronger and more confident.

In taking stock of your body language, start with the four elements described above. Use videotape to catch yourself in 'action', watching how you move. Do a 'mirror critque' of yourself to ensure that the visual image you are projecting calls to mind your desired brand. If you're getting mixed signals you can bet your audience is. Make the changes needed to streamline your messaging until who you are comes through loud and clear!

Charisma: The 'It' Factor

2010-11-29T09:31:00.002-05:00

Bill Clinton has 'it'.

Julia Roberts has 'it'.

Lady Di had 'it'.

John F. Kennedy had 'it'.

What is this intangible something that seems to separate these individuals from those around them, that makes them seem... well... somehow 'more' than everyone else? It is, in a word, Charisma.

Although it is hotly debated whether charisma is something you're born with or whether it can be developed, I am firmly in the latter camp. Although I believe that our innate personality plays a role in determining the ease with which we employ these skills (the 'Naturals'), we all have the ability to become more charismatic.

According to Ronald Riggio, PhD and Professor of Leadership and Organizational Change at Claremont McKenna College, there are three main components comprising Charisma.

Expressiveness. This is our relative ability to strike up conversations with others, to openly and easily share our thoughts and feelings. Interestingly, despite most people feeling as though others converse more comfortably and easily than they do, research shows that individuals who truly enjoy making small-talk are in the minority. Therefore, taking the responsibility for initiating small talk from the other person (who is likely just as hesitant and uncomfortable as you feel), will typically earn their gratitude and heighten your appeal.
Control. This is our ability to modify and adapt our persona to fit the needs of a group, the environment or the mood. This does not imply that you become a totally different person in each situation, but it does speak to the ability to adjust your dial (like a thermostat) a little lower or high to fit/suit what is required.
Sensitivity. This is the ability to truly listen to another person, to 'hear' beyond just the verbal content of their message. This requires both an openness to picking up on others' emotions and a willingness and ability to express your own.

In general, in order to appear more charismatic to others, it is important that you shift from an internal to external mental orientation. All too often we are focused interanlly, on our own thoughts, wants and needs. As a result, we are not as open to others around us, not as interested in their stories, as we are in sharing our own. We appear less interested and, as a result, are seen as less interesting.

Instead, we need to learn to activate an outward orientation to, in a manner of speaking, be out of our heads - present instead to those around us. This is what some refer to as being present in the moment. Regardless of its name though, the intent is the same. You direct your thoughts and energies toward those that you are engaging in conversation. Giving them 100% of your attention is what makes you more appealing and, ultimately, more charismatic.

This may sound like a much easier task than it proves to be in practice. In fact though, that's exactly what it will take to improve your Charisma Quotient... practice! Whenever you find yourself listening to your own internal dialogue instead of the voice of the person you're speaking with... refocus! Kick yourself out of your head and redirect your attention. Make eye contact, give the speaker cues (both visual and vocal) that indicate you are engaged.

Truly charismatic people are authentic. They tend to be those that genuinely like and are interested in others. If you tend to dislike more people than you like, you may find it more challenging to display interest and maintain your focus on others. To increase your ability to do so, you need to open yourself to discovering more to like in and about others. To help with this, try the following exercise at your next networking event.

The Work...

Instead of just making small talk and moving on, task yourself with the challenge of having to discover something fascinating and/or redeeming about at least three people present. This not only has you strengthening your ability to show interest in others but it also helps you to discover that everyone has a story that can open them to you. You need only to uncover it. In doing so, you will likely appear more interesting and charismatic in turn.

It's Story Time!

2010-11-22T06:54:00.001-05:00

Everyone has a story... what's yours? No, not the one you tell everyone else, the script that you've practiced and told so often that you don't hear it any more, aren't moved by it any more. I'm talking about the story you tell yourself. The story that defines who you believe yourself to be, the story that has you believing what you're destined to be, to do , to have in life. Yep... THAT story!

Ideally, we would have a story for ourselves that we love. A story that casts us as the hero, as someone deserving of love, recognition, success and joy. However, too many of us experience unhappiness, dissatisfaction and sometimes a feeling of worthlessness. If this sounds familiar, then it just might be time for you to question the story you're telling yourself!

Change your story, change your life (Anthony Robbins)

Our sense of dissatisfaction stems out of a gap between how we believe that things should be and how they truly are. Narrow or eliminate this gap and your level of satisfaction and joy increase proportionally. You need to shift your story though. Changing your perception of the shoulds in your life (what you should have, be and do) changes the yardstick by which you measure what you currently are, have and do. Measuring differently gives you different results!

We have all had difficult challenges to face in our lives. Life can be tough. The true challenge for us though rests in finding a way to use and learn from the tough moments and in not allowing ourselves to become lost in them. Sometimes these tough moments impact our story, in ways we didn't anticipate. Rather than letting these moments create gaps of disillusionment that we fall into and get swallowed up by, shift the story!

We may not have control over everything that life throws our way, but we always have control over how we choose to respond to those moments. Every time you choose to find a work-around or to push through those challenges, you strengthen your story and create a stronger plot line for yourself. The stronger you become and believe yourself to be, the more story possibilities that open themselves to you.

The end of your story doesn't exist yet. You can't yet know how your story will end. You are a writer in the process of creating the story of your life though. Isn't it time that you took control of your script, rather than letting others write it for you?

The Work...

Sometimes we have lost track of our story, of what we want and believe for ourselves. To get closer to it...

Think about and identify one aspect of your life that you are currently very happy and satisfied with.

What is it about this that instills in you a sense of happiness?

What is the aspect of your story that it is fulfilling?

Now... think about and identify an area of your life in which you feel dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

What is it about this that instills you with that sense of unhappiness?

What is the aspect of your story that it is failing to fulfill?

Generally, we have three options for handling our areas of dissatisfaction. We can...

Blame someone/something else - which drives our feelings of victimization
Do nothing - which heightens our sense of dissatisfaction and helplessness
Change our story and take a different path, gaining control over our lives and our satisfaction

What actions will you take? Recraft, rewrite your story to better support those new actions and direction. Given a choice, I will always want my personal life story to end with... and she lived happily ever after. Why would I ever want to settle for less?

How to Live Before You Die

2010-11-15T08:22:00.001-05:00

In my book - It's Time Now, Choose the Life you Really Want, I talk about the fact that we have limited time on this earth, that we need to ensure we are living a life of our choosing, not the life someone else has chosen for us. The bottom line of course is that we all only get one life to live. It makes sense that's it's the life we want for ourselves.

I recently came across a Commencement speech that Steve Jobs delivered to the graduating class of Stanford University in June, 2005, in which he shared three stories with the students. In particular, hang in for the third story - as always, Steve Jobs says it so much better than I ever could... check it out here.

The Marshmallow Challenge

2010-11-08T12:00:00.003-05:00

I must admit... I am quickly becoming addicted to the website http://www.ted.com/. Fascinating and interesting little snippets of topics - just short enough for me to fill in a few moments here and there learning something new. The video below is one such film clip on Ted, from Tom Wujec. Tom is a Fellow at Autodesk, the makers of design software for engineers, filmmakers, designers. At Autodesk, he has worked on software including SketchBook Pro, PortfolioWall and Maya (which won an Academy Award for its contribution to the film industry).

Now... obviously, designing software is not my forte. However, I think that there are tremendously valuable lessons that we can learn from one discipline and apply to others. Tom's Marshmallow Challenge is one such. In this challenge, groups are given 18 minutes within which to build the tallest tower possible using only the materials provided. In this case, the materials include: 20 sticks of spaghetti, 1 yard of tape, 1 yard of string and one marshmallow. The final rule? The marshmallow must be on the top of the finished structure.

Check out the video at... http://www.ted.com/talks/tom_wujec_build_a_tower.html

After running this exercise hundreds of times, Tom has grouped some of his findings and experiences into some take-away messages. In particular, his finding that building multiple prototypes along the way (the need to receive iterative feedback) is critical to the ultimate success of the project. The value of prototyping is highlighted. In essence, prototyping requires you to learn through failure. Prototyping allows us to learn what does and doesn't work, ultimately arriving at a better, stronger, final product.

This process can and should be applied to our lives. How often do we abandon something without having tried it first, either because we have already decided in our minds it won't work or because we won't risk looking silly (or worse) if it is not successful? Often it is our unwillingness to 'try' that holds us back from achieving our full potential.

I invite... no... I CHALLENGE each of you to go out and try something new, something that you've always wanted to but hesitated because you felt that you might not be thtat good at it. Create a new mindset... this is just a prototype attempt! Prototypes are designed to be a trial version of something, to help you in designing and reaching 'better', if not 'perfect'. Use this process to prototype your way to perfect!

No... we need to learn to say Yes!

2010-11-03T12:00:00.046-04:00

Ít's amazing to consider that a small, two-letter word has such control over the way in which we view ourselves and the world, but the word 'NO' is a significant contributor to our failure to achieve as much in our lives as we are capable of and desire. Research shows us that the average child has heard the word 'no' over 40,000 times by the time they reach the age of 5. Now... multiply this by the number of times that a child would likely have said no to themselves, whether consciously or unconsciously, and we are looking at one of the strongest and most heavily reinforced messages...period.

I recognise that we use the word no with children in an effort to protect them. 'No, don't touch that, it's hot' is not designed to undermine their self-esteem but rather, to prevent them from a potentially nasty burn. It's a direction given out of love and caring. However, those no's add up creating, very early in our lives, an over-developed 'protective's ubconscious self.

No... don't take that job, you might fail
No... don't do that, people might laugh
No... don't try that, you might get hurt

95% of our waking hours are spent on autopilot - allowing our subconscious mind to direct us. Our autopilot does serve a useful purpose for us, preventing us from having to consciously think about everything that we are doing. We don't have to think about breathing, our subconscious mind takes care of ensuring that we continue to do so. We don't have to think about 'how' to make our muscles work together to allow us to run, we just decide to run and our subconscious takes care of the rest. Our subconscious mind then is constantly working and is never at rest.

There are elements of the programming our autopilot has received though, that do not work for us as effectively as others. Certainly, the impact of all of those No's adds up and has our subconscious mind making choices for us that prove limiting in the long-run, often preventing us from achieving and doing everything that we might. Instead, we need to reprogram some of our autopilot's scripts, shift our patterns of thinking, to open up new choices and paths.

To start that reprogramming process... refuse to say 'No' for an entire day. This does not mean that you need to agree to everything anyone else suggests, but it does mean you must find an alternative to 'No'. For example...

... I would prefer something else... instead of No, I don't want it
... Please do 'X' ... instead of No, that's wrong
... 'X' is more preferable... instead of No, I don't like that
... I am unable to... instead of No, not gonna

Keep a list of how many times you slip up over the day (if indeed you do!). A simple little checkmark on a piece of paper will do, using one side of the page to record the number of 'No's' used and the other side to record each 'Yes'. You might be surprised by the final number of each, especially since you were trying to avoid saying No. The one-day experiment goes well? Try it for a week, then try it for a month!

Think you can? (hope you said... YES!)

The 1% Advantage

2010-10-27T12:46:00.001-04:00

Napoleon Hill, in his book the Law of Success, spoke about the concept of Service. He felt that your personal level of success would be driven by your ability to help others get ahead. Really, he was speaking about the need to 'over-deliver'.

"The importance of rendering more service and better service than that for which one is paid"

We often hear about the need to 'go the extra mile', the need to 'over-deliver' on our promises to others in order to stand-out and differentiate ourselves. However, for many of us, we are already struggling to keep up with everything on our plates, juggling already too-busy schedules and workloads. How then, could we possibly consider going a mile beyond what we are already struggling to produce?

In short... we can't. But... we can make the goal a little more realistic, a little more 'doable'. Instead of considering an 'extra' mile, a 100% increase in our output (yep... not very realistic!) consider instead simply doing/giving/being 1% more. 1%. That's it! Think of the beauty and simplicity of that. We could all likely manage to do 1% more, to give just 1% more effort and focus and time to a task.

On its own, that 1% might not sound very significant. However, look at it from its cumulative effect. Consider... if you did just 1% more per day, for the next month, how much more would you have accomplished and delivered? Would that increase in output be enough to have differentiated and distinguished you from your competition? Quite likely. So many people are under-delivering that increasing our output by only 1% definitely gives us the edge.

Think about the momentum created by that 1% advantage. When we take on a task that's too large for us, we often become overwhelmed by it all and stop taking action, believing that we'll never be able to achieve it. However, focusing on just 1% improvement each day - that's achievable. That's doable, and that allows us to rack up success on success rather than failure. For most of us, that daily positive reinforcement would not only be welcome... it would be invigorating and inspiring. It would spur us to find ways to give 1% more tomorrow and the tomorrows that follow.

Think... if you grew just 1% per day for the next month... would you even recognise yourself and what you've achieved? How would you feel about yourself and your life after that month? Here's my challenge to each of you... Do 1% more tomorrow. 1% better, 1% extra. Just 1%. See how you feel at the end of the day... could you give just 1% more the following day? Build up the momentum and the power of the effect of accumulation of those 1%'s over time (it's sort of like compound interest!).

And then... have a totally wild and crazy day where you challenge yourself to double it. Yep... every so often be so wild, so bold, so daring... as to go for 2%.

Double-dog dare ya!

This is Not a Dress Rehearsal

2010-10-18T18:48:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I sat in an ambulance, that was parked outside my home, watching as EMT's used a defibrillator to shock my husband's heart. He would not have survived the 5 minute drive to the hospital unless they could shock his heart back into a normal rhythm. I can't begin to describe the intensity of those moments. It's only now... now he is fine... I realize that not only had he been 5 minutes away from his life ending, but I too had been those same 5 minutes away from the life I had been living from ending as well.

How quickly things can change. How quickly all that we know can end. The life I had envisioned for the future... our future... would have been gone. This threw me. This was something I couldn't control and, for those that know me, I do so love to have control! The 'event' had fundamentally shifted the way that I needed to view my world, forcing me to consider a phrase that I had often heard in the past...

Life is Not a Dress Rehearsal

This is it. This is the only shot you get. How are you choosing to live it? It needn't (and shouldn't!) take a potential life and death moment for us to examine ourselves, our lives, to ensure we are living a life of our choosing, a life that fulfills us.

If you feel that you are just going through the motions each day, it is likely because you have gotten caught up in living to other people's expectations, wants and needs, with little conscious thought or effort being given to your own. If so, it's time to sit down and take what I am now referring to as the 'Paddle' test. If they had to put those defibrillator paddles to your chest, would you choose to do things differently afterward?

Paddle Test

1. Take Stock. Use a sliding scale of 1-10 to determine your current level of satisfaction with various aspects of your life. Consider...

Work/Career (think about your current role, your career path, your relationships at work, dream jobs...)
Relationships (think about the quality of the relationships you have with your partner, parents, siblings, children, friends...)
Finances (think here about your current debt to savings ration, your salary and earnings potential, your retirement plan/fund...)
Spiritual Connections (think about your sense of connection to the world around you, sense of belonging, how engaged you feel, how often you experience joy in your life...)
Personal Growth (think about your view of 'self', how much do you challenge yourself with new activities/tasks/learnings, are you committed to life-long learning...)

2. Gain Insight. Review your self ratings. Certainly, anything less than a '10' rating implies that there is room for improvement, but... let's be a little more forgiving! Take a look at the areas you scored yourself lowest in. There is likely room for improvement here. Consider why your level of satisfaction is low in that area. Is there anything you could do to change this, to improve it? Do some brainstorming, generating some ideas without qualifying them. All you want to concern yourself with at this point is 'What would bring me more satisfaction?"

3. Take Action. You have generated a list of ideas that would help you raise your current level of satisfaction with your life. Pick one... and do it! Even small steps, when accumulated, can lead to big changes. If the items on your list seem too big or daunting, then identify the one you're most excited about and break it down into smaller, more manageable steps. We're only concerned with taking a positive step forward, not with the relative size of the step!

4. Rinse and Repeat. Keep going! Build that forward momentum by continuing to work through the items on your list!

As for me? I am giving more thought, planning and action to managing my financial future better and I'm definitely making more time for the non-work related activities I love... my glasswork, TaeKwondo, reading and... husband, children, grandchildren. I'm even planning a 'real' vacation - to Italy - no laptops allowed!

Those 5 minutes taught me a lot about where my focus needs to be... Now. No more 'some days'... there's only Now and how you choose to spend it.

What can 5 minutes teach you?

Presence and its link to Promotion

2010-10-16T16:41:00.000-04:00

A lot of my work, whether through training sessions, coaching or a combination of the two, is focused on helping people to strengthen their personal presence, in an effort to enhance their career opportunities. This tends to be an area of development that many miss on their bid for the top, preferring to focus on developing their technical skills, knowledge and expertise. However, as business guru Mike Litman puts it...

"Every level of income demands a different you".

Think about this for a second. As you move up within an organization you don't just have to be able to do and deliver more, you need to 'be' more. This involves more than just simply being able to manage the work. In order to get the job done, you must be able to instill in others the confidence that you can get it done and, likely, that you can inspire others to get it done too.

You don't have the same skills and knowledge today as you did when you first graduated from college or university. Your skills have grown. You are capable of doing more. You need to ensure that the 'you' that accompanies those growing skills is keeping up though. It is easier and more comfortable for us to focus on the more technical aspects of our career growth , and it is likely the area that our organizations expense their training budgets on developing and providing us.

It is up to us to ensure the 'us' that is accompanying those developing skills keeps pace. We need to display more confidence, more professionalism, more poise as we move up. If we only focus on what we need to DO, on what we need to produce, we will overlook being what we need to BE. Without the combination of the two, we will likely be recognised within the company for our technical knowledge, but our career will take a backseat to those that are also seen as having the strength and ability to manage, to lead others. This requires someone that has demonstrated the content and that projects the presence to get others to follow.

Consider then...

what do you need to be?
what do you need to project?
what do you need to think?
what habits do you need to have?

...in order to be 'seen' as a person that could fill that coveted next role. It's a total package that needs to be strategically put together if you want to succeed. Consider then, for that next level up, not just what technical skills and experience you need, but what aspects of you need to be strengthened and projected in order to 'sell' yourself into the role seamlessly.

Choices... Choices!

2010-09-11T15:36:00.002-04:00

We are faced with innumerable decisions over the course of each day, from the small and relatively inconsequential (will that be skim, whole or soy in my latte?) to larger decisions with greater potential for impact upon our lives (where we choose to live, the job we take, the person we marry).

Add to these decisions the sheer volume of options available and our choices can sometimes seem overwhelming. Will we choose luxury or frugality, pleasure or practicality, form or function? It is an entire field of study, which attempts to understand just what influences the decisions and choices we make... so that 'they' can sell to us better. (read: so they can sell 'more' stuff to us!)

New research just out, conducted by Aner Selia, Jonah Berger and Wendy Lu, has determined that the number of choices made available to a consumer actually increases the level of difficulty in choosing. Additionally, the more difficult the choice, the more that the final decision will be based on some form of justification: how well the decision fulfills criteria based on...

function vs. form
frugality vs. luxury
practicality vs. pleasure

From an influence perspective, this research has clear implications on how you may want to present your options to potential consumers. Consider first what you're selling and where it falls on the continuum above. If your product is more on the pleasure/luxury end of things, keep the number of options small. On the other hand, if your product is more on the practical/frugal side, a greater number of choices would be better.

Combine the above with previous research by Cialdini and his associates, who determined that the greater percentage of your sales will fall to your middle option, in order to position your product in the best light. In their experiments, they were able to sell out a high-priced product, which enjoyed few previous sales, simply by creating/listing a more expensive option above it. Placing it below a higher priced product made it more appealing to consumers. The shift to the middle position moves a product from appearing to be a 'luxury' item to appearing more 'practical'.

On a personal level, bear in mind that too many options can often overwhelm us. Instead of waffling between too many options and allowing the sheer volume of choice to lead to decision-paralysis, spend your first moments narrowing the field by eliminating options with little or no appeal. By starting off with gaining clarity over our 'No's', we often gain the insight we need to be able to say 'Yes' more definitively.

The Law of Attraction vs. the Law of Action

2010-07-26T14:46:00.000-04:00

Ever since the movie and book "The Secret", there has been a surge in books, courses, programs and articles focused on helping you to attract MORE into your life. More of whatever it is that you desire and want. The basic premise of the Law of Attraction is, in short, distilled down to two basic statements.

like attracts like
you get what you focus on

Like Attracts Like. If you want to attract more upbeat, energetic and positive people into your life then you need to start being more upbeat, energetic and positive. You want more joy, start by being more joyful. Intuitively, this makes sense. Surround yourself with more of what you want.

You Get What you Focus on. Again, this makes a logistical kind of sense. If I focus my energies and activities around the achievement of something, then it increases the liklihood of my bringing it into my life. However, many have taken the word 'focus' to imply mental energy only. They create story boards of their wants, post pictures, and send statements of their wants out to the universe...and then sit back and wait for 'things' to start happening.

Many practitioners and gurus of the the Law of Attraction ebooks and programs would have you believe that these actions alone are sufficient to attract to you what you want. Yep... spend your money on their programs, sit back on the couch, visualize what you want and... Nothing! Why not? Others have seemingly become wealthy using these techniques. Their storyboards worked. Posting a picture of a million dollar bill worked to attract more money into their life. Why isn't it working for you?

Because... you're missing half of the equation! Certainly positive change starts with creating a positive mindset and vision. I'm a strong advocate in the need to create a clear vision of what you want to attract and achieve in your life. The clearer and stronger the piciture, the better motivator it is. Therefore the Law of Attraction used properly, becomes a motivational force.

However, to truly realize those visions and fulfill those dreams, you need to couple the Law of Attraction with the Law of Action! You cannnot affect change, bring something different into your life, if you do not DO different. What are you willing to do in order to bring more of what you envision to you?

Examine any of the stories behind those that have 'attracted' great wealth, happiness and positive outcomes to themselves and you will discover that each person worked at making it happen. However, the Law of Action doesn't sell. We're already working hard. Working 'more' is not what we're looking for. We're interesting in getting more, not doing more. The appeal of the Law of Attraction is the belief that 'thinking' alone will make it so. That we can make time for... but... Attraction without Action will fail every time.

The true secret behind The Secret though is that once you being to create your vision and storyboards, once you begin to clarify what you want to attract and manifest into your life, you are already implementing the Law of Action. You are beginning to work your plan, by creating one. As the vision takes hold and excites you, you will find yourself taking more actions leading you in the direction of your vision. As you do, you begin achieving more of what you desire, motivating you to continue engaging in the behaviours needed to take you further along the path.

It doesn't 'feel' like work? Of course not! Doing something we love and enjoy never does and perhaps that's the truly magical component, the true 'key' to wealth and happiness...building our lives around what gives us real joy and pride... the rest seems to follow on its own.

Vocal Influence

2010-07-07T14:30:00.000-04:00

People have long been adding emphasis to words and phrases when they speak, in an effort to create interest and enhance understanding. However, there is an additional use of emphasis we should be aware of that comes to us from the world of hypnotism. Savvy marketers, advertsiers and politicians have used this technique for years, all in their ongoing efforts to inlfuence our choices and the direction of our thoughts.

The technique is called 'tonal marking' by hypnotists. In essence, you mark out (emphasize) segments of your spoken communications by modifying your voice pitch, volume and/or pace. This change in your voice serves to emphasize and lend more weight to those specific segments of your message. In doing so, you essentially end up with a message contained within the body of the communication.

Consider the message below, where the bolded and capitalized words represent the segments you are tonally marking.

           "I don't want your to BUY THIS TOASTER until you've decided that
            IT'S THE ONE FOR YOU"

On the surface, the message appears neutral and fair. However, when you look only at the passages that were marked tonally, a hidden, somewhat subliminal, message is seen. When tonal marking is used in sales and marketing pitches (as above) it is typically referred to as an embedded command. Its use may be more or less effective given other elements present throughout the rest of the 'pitch'.

However, what about when the technique is used during communications in which we are not consciously being 'sold' something? What if we were listening to someone give a talk about gender differences? They aren't trying to formally sell us, their goal is simply to inform, educate, perhaps entertain. What if they are relatively new to the professional speakers circuit though, and are trying to create a positive reputation for themself, create a bit of 'buzz' around their name? It's important to them then that you find them interesting and knowledgeable, that you... in short... like them. They might then choose to embed messages into their speech to help drive this impression. They might include sentences like the following houghout their speech...

     "if you, LIKE ME, find communicating with the opposite gender confusing..."

     "I'M often astounded to find how much more PASSIONATE women sound when..."

     "When it comes to understanding the motivations of the oppositve sex, I, LIKE YOU find that..."

It's the tonal marking of various phrases, delivered over the course of speech, that provides the subtext. Now consider the potential for influencing your audience when these messages are delivered over the course of a 10 minute, 30 or 60 minute presentation.

What about if you delivered one such message about yourself with your 5-minute update at the weekly management meeting? Could the consistent and repetitive nature of this message influence and reinforce their perception of you? Research would have us believe YES.

TRY your own experiment, by giving IT a go. YOU just might find that you LIKE the results IT brings!

The Power of Desire

2010-05-20T12:30:00.001-04:00

At the recommendation of someone I greatly admire, I finally picked up a copy of Napoleon Hills' complete text of 'Think and Grow Rich'. Certainly, I had heard, or read, snippets of it in the past, had read numerous authors referencing it, but it had never moved from my 'to be read' list. Until now.

I have to admit that already the first chapter has given me pause to think. The topic? Desire. Not a word that we typically apply to our lives as a whole. We might stop to question what we 'want' in and from our lives, what we 'need' to get by and, perhaps, might even occasionally give voice to our dreams.

But, somehow, desire takes elements of all of these, incorporates them and elevates them. Desire is stronger than just want or need. It isn't as transient. Desire is not fleeting. It speaks to a consistency and commitment to thought and action belied by both want and need, which are more situationally based.

Additionally, our desires are more concrete than our dreams. Dreams, by their very nature, are less substantial, more corporeal, making them less tangible and therefore likely unattainable. Desire is more earthy though. It has a visceral component to it that provides an anchor for those dreams. It is more concrete, more substantial and, therefore, achievable.

It is the strength of our desire for a 'thing' that gives us the drive to achieve and succeed. However, admonitions to be 'practical', to be 'grounded', to be 'realistic and logical' in planning our lives and careers has led us to suppress our DESIRE, such that we are left doing, but not feeling.

It's hard to feel passionate about the work we do and the contributions we make when they lack any connection to our deepest desires. I am beginning to believe that it is the reconnection to our desires that is the catalyst for remarkable change to occur. Gaining clarity over our desires not only provides us with the destination, but it fuels the trip. Without it? We're likely to get caught up in doing and being and going something/somewhere less meaningful or fulfilling. We're living. We may even be 'successful' by other people's standards, but at what cost to us?

How much more excititng and energizing to be engaging in activities that feed and fulfill our desire, that move us toward our hidden, and all too often, unspoken dreams? If this stirs in you a spark of wanting, a 'desire' for more, then I invite you to begin to reconnect with your desires and passions.

Exercise: (I somehow always manage to work some kind of homework in, don't I?) You've spent years, perhaps even decades, in stifling and burying your desires. Don't expect them to reveal themselves to you overnight. Though... certainly be open to it should it happen that way for you!

Consider - if there was enough money in whatever you chose to be or do...

What would you be...
What would you do...
... and... most importantly...why?

Explore - how you felt as you answered the above questions. What does it reveal to you about your desires? Is there a way to begin integrating more of it into your life right now, no matter how small? If yes... then get started and do it!

Remember, no more effort is required to aim high in life, to demand abundance and prosperity, than is required to accept misery and poverty

Napoleon Hill

Spring Clean Your Career Clutter!

2010-04-16T10:22:00.000-04:00

Just as we tend to accumulate too much extraneous 'stuff' around the house, our careers can also become cluttered. Over the years we tend to accumulate a lot of habits, processes, ideas and people that no longer serve us in moving along our chosen career path. Sometimes, we have collected so much of this 'stuff' that our path becomes obscured. If you've seen the show 'Hoarders', or the others like it, you now have a visual representation of what you may be having to wade through while trying to progress at work.

Use the following points to help you get rid of that clutter, clear out the waste and to redefine your career path!

1. Dust off that career plan that you made decades ago. Take a look at where you are, both in terms of your career and life. Where would you like your life to take you over the next 5 or 10 years and what role can/should your career play in fulfilling this? Your career is not an isolated element in your life - it is an integral part of it. Therefore, it should be viewed from within a whole-life perspective. Once you have that bigger vision of what you want for yourself, break it down to consider what you can do this year to move it forward. Each year you should repeat this exercise, reviewing what you accomplished the year before and determining what new steps need to be taken in the upcoming year to build on that past year's momentum.

2. Using the above plan, consider...are you spending your time on the activities that matter, or have you gotten bogged down in completing a lot of busy-making tasks? You know... those activities that seem to keep you hustling and that fill your day, but do nothing to move you or your key objectives forward. If so... start tossing! This may require a more disciplined approach to the use of the word 'no' than you've been exercising up until now. Too many of us get caught up in the cycle of 'busy-ness' without really qualifying the value of the activities we are engaged in. For others, it is more an issue of getting caught up in doing for others and finding little to no time left over to doing anything for ourselves. To get ahead we need to start thinking more strategically. Your time is limited. Therefore, you need to be spending 80% of your time on the 20% of the activities that net you the biggest results.

To give you some perspective, try this exercise to see where you are at with your activities. Take out a piece of paper and list your current 'to-do's'. List them all! Beside each I want you to indicate two things. First, whether this is something that you are completing on behalf of yourself, or someone else, and then rank its relative importance (on a scale of 1-10) on you and your career.

Take a look first at any items that you are doing for someone other than yourself and that have a neglible impact on your career progression. These are the tasks that you need to get rid of and say No to in future. You're likely engaged in them to be 'nice' to the other person, but if they are not providing you with enough of a positive impact, then you need to let them go. Do it nicely, but learn to say no.

3. Speaking of others... take a close look at those people that are in your 'career-sphere' and consider the purpose that they serve, to you both you and your career. Are they a mentor? Are they a coach? Are they a contact or conduit to something more? If they only provide criticism and negative feedback, leaving you second guessing yourself, it's time for a change! Surround yourself with those that are going to challenge you in positive directions, who believe in you and genuinely want you to succeed.

For those of you familiar with my book It's Time Now, the Board of Directors exercise will serve you well here. For those of you that aren't (shame on you!), create a list of the people that you are impacted by within the framework of your job and career, whether regularly or infrequently. Consider what their degree of influence is over you (your thinking and decisions) and whether that influence is predominantly positive or negative in nature. Review the list and strategically consider reducing or eliminating the role that anyone plays in your thinking that is more negative than positive in their outlook or influence.

The flip side of this is to examine who is missing from your list. Do you need someone to mentor and coach you in developing certain skills? Do you need a champion at work to help market you? Do you need new sounding boards for your ideas? Consider what gaps need to be filled to help you move forward and start filling those vacancies!

4. Assess your Barriers. Who, or what, is standing in your way, slowing down your forward movement? Maybe you're missing a skill or some training, maybe you're lacking some information on options, maybe you have a boss that is holding you back to further themselves more. Whatever the barriers are... list them out, providing details about the nature of the barrier and its impact on you and your career. Identifying the barrier is, of course, only the first step. Now you need to come up with an action plan of how to work through or around it.

Don't just take 'no' or 'can't be done' or 'you aren't', 'you haven't' for an answer. What do you need to do to reduce or eliminate that barrier? Often, clients will define the action needed and realize it's not as insurmountable as they envisioned. If we only focus on the fact that there is roadblock, then we will sit down and bemoan the fact that we're blocked. Defining the possible ways to overcome that barrier though defines a course of action you can take to overcome it. Think the whole thing is overwhelming? Then identify one small step that moves you forward. Don't worry about overcoming the barrier in one hurdle if that is too big or intimidating. Take one step. You will be amazed at how just a single step forward can create the momentum you've been looking for.

5. Freshen up your impact. Spring is a great time for this exercise because you may already be scrutinizing yourself a little more closely in the mirror, thinking of the shorts (or bathing suit) to soon come! Consider what your physical impression is and whether it is projecting the career message of your choice. What shifts, changes or tweaks are needed to tighten your look, to deliver a stronger, more favourable, impression of You, to your audience.

Clothes too tight? Buy the right size, set up a workout schedule or... do both!
Time for a more updated haircut, pair of glasses, cleaner teeth or...?
Need a wardrobe overhaul to add a more updated edge?
Do your presentation or vocal skills need some help to strengthen your impression?

5 key steps, but I know that they are by no means easy ones. What you will find though, is that once you have gone through these steps once, your annual reviews and planning updates will be easier, if only because you only have a year to have built up clutter, not your life to date! Getting rid of the 'stuff' we've collected can be an emotionally challenging exercise. However, it is nothing compared to the emotions that keeping all of the clutter inour lives puts us through each day. Really challenge yourself to throw one thing away. Just one. Something that doesn't work for you anymore, a habit that is holding you back. Once you've done this... take a deep breath, pat yourself on the back and see if tossing that second item isn't just a little bit easier!

The Likeability Trap

2010-04-02T10:44:00.001-04:00

In general, we all like to be liked. As a result, we will engage in behaviours, often unconsciously, designed to get our audience to be positively disposed toward us. Research has shown us that feeling and believing that others like and respect us can be a great source of personal pride. It can go a long way to helping shape our internal beliefs about ourselves.

Knowing that we're a 'good' person, and believing that others know and see this as well, can be a source of comfort to us when we find ourselves in a conflict with someone else. It can help us feel good about ourselves, despite someone else's attempt to make us feel bad.

Likeability then, the extent to which we believe we are liked by others, can have a very definite and positive impact upon us. It can increase our confidence and belief in ourselves and enhance our self esteem. Research has shown that likeability also has other, perhaps lesser known, benefits.

a customer's fondness (or liking) of their salesperson will weigh up to twice as much in their purchasing decisions as their regard for the products. This is the foundation for the emphasis on Relationship-based selling processes.
creating that likeability bond establishes a presumption of goodwill and friendship through future contacts. Others will be more favourably disposed to you and will interpret your future behaviours in a more positive and favourable light.
people that are 'liked' tend to be hired and promoted faster.

It's all good then, right? To be successful, our strategy should be to do all that we can to be 'liked' by as many people as possible...right? Perhaps not. As with all things in life, it seems that there can even be 'too much of a good thing' when it comes to likeability. Balance, even here, is the key.

There is a downside to being too likeable, too friendly, too nice. It seems those individuals that skew too heavily to the right on the the likeability continuum, will undermine their credibility. They are no longer seen as strong, confident and capable, but instead seem weak, indecisive and a follower. So much of their behaviour is oriented toward fulfilling the needs and wants of others that 'they' get lost in the process.

This overwhelming need to be liked by others will undermine your sense of self, rather than build it up. It's not often labelled the 'Disease to Please' for nothing! People who find that they orient their entire day (if not life) toward the fulfillment of everyone else's needs will likely find their own being sacrificed. This can lead to feelings of disappointment, dissatisfaction and disillusionment.

Unfortunately, they will then typically fall back to the one behaviour that has made them feel good about themselves in the past and do more of it. Pleasing others! They work harder to please others and obtain their praise. The Likeability Trap has now decisively clicked shut around them, catching them up in an endlessly looping cycle of behaviour.

To break out of this spiral of behaviour it is necessary to take a good look at just who you are trying to please and why. Create a list of people in your life that influence how you think, feel and act. (For those of you that have a copy of my book - It's Time Now - use The Board of Director's exercise)

Now assess their relative worth and value to you. Is their influence predominantly positive or negative? Are they helping move you forward in your life or holding you back? Our time and energy are limited. We therefore want to ensure that we narrow down the list of people we are working to please to include only those individuals that you receive a positive benefit from. There must be an advantage to you for your investment in them!

Positive relationships are not one-sided. They're reciprocal. Establish the balance in your life by ensuring that you invest in the relationships that net you a positive return. The others? Well... take a lesson from Donald Trump on this one... Fire 'em!

The Effects of Emotional State on Influence Success

2010-03-19T15:52:00.001-04:00

Research studies have shown a clear connection between the emotional state of the individual and the success of an influence strategy. In these studies, people were either exposed to messages that were designed to induce fear-based emotions or romantic-based emotions. These emotions were created through short stories and film clips.

Each group was then exposed to advertisements using either social-proof* or scarcity** type messages as their influence strategies. The results? Those people exposed previously to fear-based emotions were more persuaded by the social proof appeals, while those people exposed to romantic-based emotions were more persuaded by influence messages utilizing scarcity and uniqueness.

Interestingly, studies have also shown that not only our buying behaviour, but our selling behaviour can be affected by our emotional state. Jennifer Lerner and her associates set out to determine just this. What they did find was that those individuals in which they induced a feeling of sadness (again, through film clips and essays) were likely to pay more for an item if buying, or to sell it for less. In fact, compared to the emotionally neutral buyers, sad buyers were willing to pay as much as 30% more for an item, while sad sellers were willing to price items at up to 33% less than emotionally neutral sellers.

Other studies have been conducted that demonstrate that ANY emotionally charged issue or situation, regardless of whether it is positively or negatively charged, will have a direct impact and influence on the type and quality of decisions made.

The implications?

consider carefully the placement of advertisements, within magazines etc. The effectiveness of your ad will be heavily influenced by the article(s) preceding it. The content of your advertisement would need to shift depending upon whether the articles precding it were happy or sad, positive or negative in nature. The emotions that those articles evoke in your audience will have a significant impact on the way in which your advertisement is viewed and, ultimately, how much of your product gets sold.
this same consideration should be given to the likely emotional state of your audience, before crafting and framing your communications or requests. If employees are fearful of the economic situation and stability of the marketplace, then they are more likely to be influenced by messages utilizing the social proof heuristic and will be less responsive to messages that utilize other influence attempts.
you should also give some consideration to how you are feeling - emotionally - before entering into any negotiation process or buying situation. You are most likely to make the best buying decisions when in a fairly emotionally neutral state.

If you have ever found yourself buying something that you didn't want or need, or paying a much higher price for something than you should have - you know you have been influenced through an emotional state. Just as we have been told repeatedly not to go grocery shopping when hungry, so too must we now consider not going shopping when we're too emotionally charged. Unless, of course, we won't mind the impact on our pocket-book!!

*social proof - evidence that others are 'doing' it, celebrity endorsements fall into this category. In general, we look to others behaviour to guide our own.

**Scarcity - the 'only 50 left' strategy. If something is in limited supply or going quickly we may be more inclined to purchase it for ourselves.

Turning Energy Into Time

2010-03-09T07:09:00.002-05:00

If you are anything like me, then you likely find yourself overloaded with more things to do in a day than can possibly be accomplished. We use technology more to stay on top of things, and to keep in touch with everyone, than to free up our time. We try to cram as much as possible into our workday, to be as productive as possible, in the vain hope that perhaps we won't have to work late or take work home to catch up.

Is it little wonder then that we are always on the search for the latest tool or tip that helps us manage our time more efficiently? After all, that's the real issue, isn't it? Not having enough of that precious commodity - time. Or... is it?

Maybe, instead of continuing to work at managing our time and tasks more effectively, we need to reframe our thinking. The issue with time is that it's finite. No matter how you do the math, there are only 24 hours in a day. Instead of learning to manage your time more efficiently you have to learn manage the Energy you bring to your tasks.

Much of the early research on energy management comes to us from the world of sports, but it is just as applicable to our day-to-day work lives. Heck... to our lives in general!

As a professional athlete, it is essential to understand exactly what it takes to achieve consistent, peak performance. Research has shown that though it is important to hone the technical skills each athlete brings to their respective sport, it is essential that they maximize the Energy output in order to increase performance.

We may not be operating our daily lives at the same physical level as professional athletes, but the machines we're using to accomplish our work (our bodies) are the same. The challenge for us though, is that we are typically asked to 'perform' for 8 hours a day, a minimum of 5 days a week, without the benefit of the knowledge or training that athletes receive.

A key training method of elite athletes is known as Periodization, first introduced by the early Greeks. Periodization is the concept of improving performance through balancing periods of activity with periods of rest. Consider your typical work day though. You likely...

Wake up to an alarm clock blaring at you
Race through your morning routine to get out the door as quickly as possible to beat the traffic
Move from one task to another, one meeting to another, with no pause
Take lunch at your desk so you can continue to work... you wouldn't want to 'waste' time!
Race home, work tucked under your arm
Fix dinner
Spend time with the kids (that all-important 'quality' time!)
Squeeze in a little more work
Collapse in front of the television to 'vegetate'
Drag yourself to bed so you can get up tomorrow to do it all again!

Where was the rest, the renewal, in your day? Oh... right... it's called vacation and it doesn't come daily, it comes annually! We live in a world where 'busyness' is worn like a badge of honour and where renewal and recovery get ignored. However, our ability to be fully engaged at work, to be optimally productive, depends upon our ability to periodically 'disengage' successfully.

Building moments of recovery into your work day will enable you to engage in your tasks more fully and passionately. Research has clearly shown that productivity increases when people build in periods of renewal into their work day. Even though they are 'breaking' more, they get more done than those choosing to work 'flat out'. Some of the most creative thinkers (such as daVinci and Einstein) were strong advocates of breaks, to allow their subconscious minds to work out the problem at hand.

I have clients that will not schedule any meeting exceeding 90 minutes in length, without scheduling a break, recognizing the link of our energy levels to our body's natural Ultradian Rhythms. And... really... most meetings run needlessly long anyway!

Consider breaking your day into 90-120 minute blocks of time. Rather than fighting these natural body rhythms, defer to them instead. A break needn't be long in duration for it to provide you with enough of a rest for your energy and focus to improve. Potential ideas for workday renewal breaks?

take a walk
read a chapter of a book, or listen to one
listen to music
do some light stretches
prepare and eat a light, healthy snack
work on a puzzle, crossword, sudoku

You get the idea! Whatever activity would work best for you and relieve you of some of the physical and mental stress you've experienced so far. Allow your mind to switch gears, take a break from the task at hand, so that it can be more focused when you return. Odds are that the solution to the problem you were stuck on before the break, is waiting for you upon your return!

(if you are interested in learning more about the idea of Managing your Energy to increase your time effectiveness, send us a blank email with Energy Ebook in the subject line. We'd be more than happy to forward you a pdf of our ebook... enjoy!)

Welcome!

2010-03-08T18:43:00.001-05:00

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to have this blog up and running! For those of you that know me, you already know how much ongoing reading and research I am involved in, at any given time. Whether due to a new training program under development, a new article I'm working on, or sheer curiosity, I am always into something! I will say that it's often a coaching client's question that gets me going on a new tangent. This blog gives me the opportunity to get some of those thoughts out there, to hear what you have to say but, in short, to share some of my thinking outside of just coaching sessions or training programs.

Of course, this is all my way of saying that I'm not sure just what you'll get in this blog. Maybe an article-type discussion, maybe a follow-up commentary to key questions I've been receiving through email or coaching sessions, maybe just some discussion points or information I've come across that I've found fascinating and think you might be interested in hearing about.

Regardless, I hope you find something of value as you join me on this journey. I invite you to repond to anything I share, whether you agree, disagree or simply want to share your thoughts and experiences. Let's get some dialogue going!!!

About Cindy Dachuk & Titan Training Group

2010-01-01T10:58:00.001-05:00

Cindy is the President and Founder of the Titan Training Group, a company that is focused on helping individuals and groups recognize and capitalize on their key abilities and talents. Cindy’s degree in Psychology, 16 years of experience in Training and Human Resources Management, and her 7 years experience in the Social Work arena, combine to provide her with unique perspectives on human interactions and personal possibilities.